How To Talk To A Shy Girl – 10 Techniques That Work


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Shy girls are amazing. They may come across as reserved and quiet but once they feel comfortable around you, their true personality shines through and you will love them. Which is why it’s imperative to master the art of how to talk to a shy girl.

Most guys don’t realize that they are literally missing out on some amazing women because their approach is too forceful or unrefined for shy girls.

Be that as it may, you can fix it with a few tweaks and changes that I’ve personally tried and tested with success. 

What I’ve come to realize is that shy girls feed off your energy. Put simply, if you’re nervous, awkward or uncomfortable, she’ll feel that way as well.

If you’re relaxed, calm, collected and easy-going, she’ll begin to emulate those feelings as well which will make the conversation or interaction enjoyable and progressive.

Here’s a quick overview of the 10 techniques on how to talk to a shy girl. 

  1. Make her feel comfortable with small talk.
  2. Make her laugh.
  3. Avoid being sarcastic or too direct.
  4. Negging is off-limits.
  5. Don’t be too aggressive.
  6. Approach her on your own.
  7. Ask open-ended questions.
  8. Be patient with her.
  9. Don’t critique her and opt for texting her.
  10. Avoid too many sexual innuendos. 

With that being said, let’s discuss each of these techniques in more detail to understand how they apply in real life. 

1. Make her feel comfortable with small talk

From experience and testimonials, I can tell you with certainty that shy girls appreciate people who take the time to make small talk that doesn’t demand much from them.

Usually, talking about events and news, your surroundings and overall general knowledge topics are non-threatening and easy to engage about. 

Don’t make the mistake to assume that shy girls aren’t talkative.

It just takes them some time to open up but once they start feeling comfortable around you, the conversation and interaction will flow smoothly and with a lot of ease. 

Asking for help or assistance is another effective way of breaking the ice.

Additionally, it feels good to help others so don’t be surprised if she feels more confident to engage you thereafter. 

Related post: I’m scared to talk to girls, now what?

2. Make her laugh 

Nothing builds more attraction and creates comfort like laughter.

It can ease tensions and break the ice even with the most uncomfortable or shy girl. 

This has actually been my go-to move when hitting on girls.

I find that they let their guard down faster and feel more inclined towards talking to me. 

Sometimes, even a cheesy pick up line that is designed to be funny rather than suave can have a positive and profound effect on a girl.

If you take away only one thing from this article on how to talk to a shy girl, let it be this. Make her laugh and she’ll open to you within no time. 

Related post: Dating tips for shy guys

3. Avoid being sarcastic or too direct

The problem with a sarcastic and straightforward approach is that they come with a high risk of either insulting or scaring away a shy girl. 

Not everyone who claims to be sarcastic actually has the ability to pull it off in an endearing or funny manner.

In fact, most people who think they are witty often come across as rude, awkward or simply insulting. 

With a shy girl, you’re much better off taking a non-intrusive and non-confrontational approach.

This will prevent her from being overwhelmed by the interaction.

A straightforward approach can be very effective but mostly with women who won’t be taken so far aback that they panic and walk away. 

4. Negging is off-limits

For those of you who don’t know, negging is considered a pickup artist technique that manipulates someone into a submissive or weaker position. 

According to Wikipedia, negging is described as follows – “an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need for the manipulator’s approval.”

Very rarely do I recommend or encourage the use of this technique except for when you’re engaging with a narcissist. 

Be that as it may, negging can absolutely ruin your chances of talking to a shy girl.

Rather than open her up, it will have the opposite effect by creating an awkward situation. 

The last thing you want to do is insult her because she’ll feel incredibly uncomfortable and insecure around you. 

Instead, pay her a genuine compliment.

Make her feel good about herself and half the battle is won.

5. Don’t be too aggressive

When guys get too aggressive and hung up on moving the conversation along to what they want, they tend to scare women off.

Don’t allow impatience and uncertainty to influence your actions because it can ruin your chances of getting her to like you. 

One of the most empowering lessons I’ve learned in my romantic life is to give women the opportunity to miss you and choose you. 

This often entails taking a slow approach to dating and allowing the attraction to develop at its own pace.

Which is why infinite patience could be the best thing you ever master. 

6. Approach her on your own

For shy people, being approached by strangers is an uncomfortable experience at first.

Some would go so far as to call it intimidating. Imagine approaching a shy girl with a group of your guy friends. 

That isn’t going to make her feel anything other than scared and majorly uncomfortable. 

There’s too much of eyes on her and the interaction is now being judged by more than two people.

This is really a recipe for disaster. 

All of those voices and faces is distracting as well which makes it harder for you to connect with her on a one on one basis.

I would advise you to approach her on your own. 

Related post: How to meet a girl if you are shy

7. Ask open-ended questions

Prepare yourself to be the one who carries the conversation at first because it takes shy girls some time to open up and engage with strangers. 

Making statements or asking close-ended questions (yes or no) doesn’t give her much room to work with. 

Open-ended questions solve that problem because they often elicit answers that are detailed. 

Here are a few open ended questions to ask a shy girl:

  • So where are you from? 
  • What was it like growing up there?
  • Could you explain X to me? 
  • Coffee or tea? And why that choice? 
  • What are you passionate about? 

I would highly encourage you to check out this article on a list of questions to ask someone on a date. 

8. Be patient with her

There’s no guarantee that she’s going to feel comfortable or engage with you on your schedule.

In fact, you can never truly predict when someone will start connecting with you on a deeper level.

And as I stated above, patience is instrumental in dating.

Without it, you risk behaving in a manner that chases a girl out of your life.

Everyone has their guard up to some extent.

Shy girls may be more guarded than others. Just because you’re used to a girl liking you in a relatively short space of time doesn’t mean anything in this situation.

You have to be willing to take things slower than normal and not pressurize her to move at your pace. 

Related post: How to become the hottest version of yourself

9. Don’t critique her and opt for texting her

The worst thing you could do is point out possible flaws or less than ideal traits of someone who is shy.

It will just make her feel insecure, upset, withdrawn or offended.

Not many people enjoy the feeling of being measured or analyzed by someone else, especially a stranger. 

Since we’re living in the era of instant messaging and people are more comfortable being themselves online, you can try getting her number instead of engaging in a long drawn out conversation. 

Then, text her back and forth for a short while until she feels comfortable enough to meet you for coffee or a date. 

10. Avoid too many sexual innuendos 

Throughout my dating life, I’ve had relatively good success with sexual innuendos as a way of flirting but being funny at the same time.

I’ve never been too concerned with pushing the envelope and testing different strategies at flirting but I noticed that sexual innuendos don’t work so well on shy girls. 

Either it flies over their head or actually creates an awkward moment.

This is particularly true when approaching someone in person. 

I would save sexual innuendos for when you have actually gotten to know her a bit and there’s a base level of comfort and attraction between you two. 

In conclusion

If you follow the techniques mentioned in this article, I’m more than certain that you’ll never have a problem talking to shy girls. 

At the end of the day, it’s all about making her feel comfortable. That’s your number one objective. 

Once her guard is down and she feels at ease around you, it’s game on. You’ll get to enjoy her personality at its best. 

Believe me when I tell you that it will be worth the wait. 

With that being said, let me know if you enjoyed this article on how to talk to a shy girl. Also, drop your questions or additional tips in the comment section below.

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