How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship


how to stop overthinking, overthinking

Knowing how to stop overthinking in a relationship can save you from making critical mistakes that ruin attraction and sabotage the longevity of your relationship.

I can sympathize with you. After dealing with a string of bad relationships or being cheated on, developing fear and anxiety within a relationship isn’t uncommon.

It can consume your every thought and make you extremely paranoid. It can result in a toxic relationship as well.

The problem with overthinking is that it often leads to unrealistic thoughts, expectations and scenarios that emotionally fire you up to make a poor choice.

Trust me when I tell you that I’ve seen many people screw up a perfectly good relationship by overthinking everything.

With that being said, here are my top 10 tips on how to stop overthinking in a relationship.

1. Take Control Of Your Mind

When I was younger, I was under the impression that how I felt dictated my thoughts. It was only until I started to research overthinking and paralysis by analysis did I learn that the opposite is, in fact, the case.

What you think dictates the way you feel.

Every time you think about something that affects your emotions, you can acknowledge it and choose to think of something positive in turn.

Rather than act on a negative emotion, you are training your mind to search for a more logical and positive scenario.

2. Practice Stoicism

Stoicism is the practice of remaining calm during emotional turmoil.

It is the practice of remaining logical and rational in the face of fear.

Piggybacking off the previous point, taking control of your mind can often mean acting contrary to the fearful and obsessive thoughts you have.

If you are having obsessive thoughts about your partner cheating without any reason to, rather than allowing that thought to influence you to accuse your partner of cheating, you opt to remain calm and do the opposite.

3. Focus On What You Can Control In A Relationship

At the end of the day, you can’t control the way your partner acts or thinks.

You can’t control the unexpected nor can you control what life decides to throw your way.

What you can control is how you react to different circumstances and how you show up on a daily basis.

You can choose to be a loving and fun partner who makes an effort in your relationship.

You can choose to be trusting and supportive.

By focusing your attention on the good things you can control, it shifts those obsessive thoughts into a secondary position because you’re already so busy being engaged in acting as an amazing partner.

4. Time Your Thoughts

Sometimes, the reason you keep overthinking in your relationship is that you are being idle and not acknowledging the fear that you have.

What I tend to do is set a timer for 2 – 5 minutes, I sit down and think about everything that is bothering me.

When the timer goes off, I move on with my day by force. It’s not a singular solution to the problem but it is a technique that allows me to refocus my mind by the end of the timer.

I can get back to my day and try to focus on getting something done.

5. Deal With The Issue Head On

Rather than allow something to fester and bother you uncontrollably, tackle it head-on in a calm and respectful manner.

If you’re bothered by something your partner said, think about it.

  • Why did it bother you so much?
  • Is this something your partner shouldn’t have said or done?
  • Or is this based on insecurities within yourself that you are responsible for addressing?

Think about all these things and then come to a conclusion on how to proceed. Just don’t hold your partner hostage for your insecurities.

6. Speak About It To Your Partner Non-Confrontationally

During an instance when it’s something you feel needs to be spoken about, approach your partner with an attitude to share your feelings and resolve the issue, not point the finger and blame him or her.

The sooner you do it, the better, especially if it’s something important to you. Don’t do this over silly and unnecessary small things.

A drama full relationship is often toxic and draining to both people.

It usually ends in a very upsetting way to one or both of the parties involved.

Talk about it with the intention of finding a solution.

7. Exercise And Work

An idle mind is the devil’s playground. This couldn’t be truer. As adults, our lives dictate the pursuit of something meaningful.

Consider the possibility that you are overthinking in a relationship because you are not investing time in other important areas of your life.

Health, fitness, work, goals, socializing and hobbies are essential characteristics of a wholesome life.

Like a tripod stand, if any of the legs are missing, you will suffer to experience stability.

8. Let 24 Hours Pass Before Acting On Your Thoughts

I’m the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeve and this has gotten me into a lot of trouble.

I would be lying if I told you that acting irrationally because I was emotional never happens.

It actually would happen all the time and that ruined some amazing relationships over the years.

Since then, I have addressed a lot of the issues that caused me to be suspicious or overthink in a relationship.

But one thing that really prevented me from making any huge mistakes is the 24 hour rule.

Whenever I feel extremely emotional, to the point of which I can’t think about anything other than the issue at hand and I want to make some huge drastic decision, I sleep on it first.

I take an entire 24 hours to wait.

Usually, by the next day, I’ve calmed down enough to realize how crazy it was to even think of doing the drastic thing that was on my mind.

9. Develop A Healthier Relationship With Fear

Fear can I either disable you or enable you.

Your approach and attitude towards fear is the deciding factor.

When I was younger, fear pushed me to run away. I wanted to be as far away from something that scared me.

And yet, in doing so, I would spend insane amounts of time overthinking it.

Only in my early 20’s did I muster up the courage to approach fearful situations with the mind-set of growth and learning taking priority.

Facing my fears not only made me a stronger person but it taught me how to use fear as a motivator to outperform myself.

Similarly, in a relationship, fear should be used as a tool to improve the bond you have with your partner.

Things like overcoming problems, trusting your partner without being controlling and opening yourself up completely put you in a position of creating the relationship of your dreams.

You may be afraid but the reward of doing these things irrespective of your fearful thoughts in your mind is a relationship that makes you happy for years.

10. Be Realistic About Your Obsessive Thoughts

Have you noticed how ludicrous and over the top your thoughts become the more you overthink?

By letting our minds run loose, we put ourselves in the position of exploring the wildest and craziest of scenarios.

One could argue that this is one of the greatest things about being human. The ability to be creative.

Channeling it for the wrong things can often lead to disastrous results.

When you find yourself overthinking in a relationship, take a step back and analyze the situation objectively.

Speak to someone you trust or journal about it. Try to be as realistic and logical as possible by removing yourself from the situation temporarily.

Reining in your thoughts can add some perspective to the entire situation and make you realize just how crazy things became. 

These Tips Will Help You In Knowing How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship

All things considered, the fact that your issue is just about overthinking isn’t as bad as being in a toxic or abusive relationship.

What you need to focus on is gaining control of your mind and not allowing yourself to be ruled by insecure or fearful emotions.

Most people think that once you know how to stop overthinking in a relationship, you’ll be cured overnight.

Unfortunately, it isn’t that easy. You have to actively put in the work over a period of time before you completely stop overthinking all the time.

But, you will most definitely get to that point.

I wish you all the best in your relationship and future!

If you need coaching or require some advice on a relationship or dating emergency, you can visit my services page and get in contact. I offer email coaching and emergency email advice within 24 hours of receipt.

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