Dealing with a breakup is hard as hell. You’re often left feeling empty, sad, depressed and aimless for quite some time. It’s natural to miss your ex but perhaps you’re tired of feeling this way and want to gain some control of your life. That’s great because, in this article, I’m going to discuss everything I know on how to stop missing your ex.
What you must resign yourself to is the reality of the situation. There is no instant fix. How you’re feeling right now is something that will ease as time moves on.
You can speed up that time and improve the way you feel by taking action in a few healthy and beneficial ways.
Here’s an overview of the list of points we’ll discuss below on how to stop missing your ex.
- Make peace with the past.
- Spend time with yourself.
- Use the no contact rule to stop missing your ex.
- Surround yourself with good people.
- Stay busy with your goals and career.
- Talk about your feelings with someone.
- Remove all reminders of your ex.
- Journal daily.
- Be patient with yourself.
- Start dating new people.
I need to be brutally honest with you – at first, it’s going to be difficult to do these things because you’re so wrapped up in sadness and emotional fatigue.
What you have to rely on is will power and mental strength to push through those negative thoughts that encourage you to sit around and mope.
It’s okay if you’re not able to experience true happiness during this time or if you’re still missing your ex.
The whole point of these actions is to get you through this phase without wasting precious time that none of us have to spare.
Eventually, while practicing these tips, you’ll wake up one morning realizing that you’re actually enjoying life again and your ex becomes an afterthought.
But, you have to be willing to continue living and making new memories.
With that being said, let’s get into the meat of this article and discuss everything you need to know on how to stop missing your ex.
Related post: Am I still in love with my ex or just lonely?
1. Make peace with the past
In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.– Deepak Chopra
One of the reasons why it’s so hard to stop missing your ex as well as why we suffer from letting go of the past is because it forces us to let go of what we once had.
You’re not just letting go of your ex, you’re letting go of the love you have for them as well as the identity of yourself which was heavily influenced by their presence.
That’s what makes it so difficult to live with ourselves when our ex is no longer in the picture.
We must remind ourselves, regularly, that we are only in control of ourselves right now.
The past is over and our imagination and dreams are nothing more than an illusion. We must stay grounded in reality to avoid getting lost in past memories.
You will experience many bouts of nostalgia. It’s inevitable.
You’ll yearn for your ex at the reminder of them but that does not mean you are stuck in the past.
It’s completely okay to let go of those who are no longer in your life. It doesn’t mean that you are abandoning anyone.
You’re not betraying the past or yourself by moving forward.
I believe that the first step to letting go of the past or making peace with it is to abandon the idea of changing what has happened.
If it’s over and you’re certain that reconciliation is not something your ex will ever want, it’s okay to let things be.
You don’t have to undo or change anything.
You can simply choose to allow things to be as they are.
This will force you into a fight with yourself, especially when anxiety or fear runs rampant in your mind.
But, if you remain strong-willed, you’ll eventually be able to make peace with the past.
Related post: Why am I dreaming about my ex?
2. Spend time with yourself
One of the struggles I personally faced was being alone.
It petrified me because all I could think about was how much I missed my ex at the time.
More than that, I couldn’t live with who I was because I felt like a shell of my old self.
To run away from these thoughts, I would just try to chat with any girl I could. I rebounded and tried to bury my feelings instead of facing them.
This proved to be futile and affected me in many ugly ways.
When I eventually stopped being afraid of spending time with myself, I was able to conquer that fear.
One of the more impactful effects this had was that it helped me to let go of the past and gain control over myself.
I was so afraid of being lonely that I avoided being alone with myself up until that point.
When I finally embraced alone, I realized that being with myself was therapeutic and cathartic.
During that time, I was able to feel everything that scared me.
And by feeling those emotions I feared, I was able to conquer them and gain control over myself.
I do regret not doing this sooner because some of the negative effects still affected me even until last year.
Thankfully, I’ve completely eradicated any and all of those negative side effects of dealing with my breakups the wrong way.
Now, I’ve become someone who is more responsible, moralistic and sensible.
I made a lot of mistakes along the way but I’ve grown as a person now.
So can you. But, it starts by being alone with yourself, especially during those early phases after a breakup.
If this is something you haven’t done and was dating immediately or entered another relationship too soon, just take some time daily to be alone with yourself and work through your scars as well as your bad habits.
Related post: How to be single and happy
3. Use the no contact rule to stop missing your ex
For as long as you remain in contact with your ex, you’ll remain attached to them or the past in some way or another.
And for as long as you have some feeling for your ex, it’s not a good idea to be friends with them.
That is not healthy for you in any way.
This is where the no contact rule comes into play.
By completely eliminating all communication with your ex, it forced you to accept the end of your relationship.
Since there are absolutely no stimuli from your ex, it breaks the connection that remains after the breakup.
The no contact rule requires you to not call, text or interact with your ex on any social media indefinitely.
I strongly recommend you to use the no contact rule if you can’t stop missing your ex.
It will be tough at first but you’ll quickly start adjusting to the change.
Related post: No contact – what it is and how to use it
4. Surround yourself with good people
When you’ve spent enough time working through your issues and being alone, the next step would be to spend time with friends and family.
I find this to be cathartic because these are the people who will never truly leave you and who will always love you.
Additionally, they will support you through this difficult time and add some laughter or fun to your life when things seem bleak.
Make it a priority to do fun things with them.
Don’t just isolate yourself in a room indefinitely.
Spending time alone is healthy and essential to moving on but it must precede a healthy social life.
It’s a nice feeling to know that there’s an entire world out there just waiting to be experienced.
The end of your relationship is not the end of your life nor is it the end of what the world has to offer.
The best way to believe that is by actually making memories of fun experiences with friends and family.
5. Stay busy with your goals and career
Now that you have all this free time and energy on your hands, it would be awesome if you channel them towards things that could benefit you throughout your life.
Nothing beats self development after you’ve been through a breakup.
It’s a form of self-love that will help you to craft a new, better and improved identity for yourself that exists outside and beyond your ex or your past relationship.
Things that are challenging like goals or a career will often keep you busy with many deadlines.
This can be a great way to distract yourself and busy your mind from the thoughts of your ex.
The more wins you experience in your goals and careers, the better you will feel about yourself as a person.
6. Talk about your thoughts and feelings with someone
One of the reasons why anxiety and depression can worsen is because we are often caught in looping negative thoughts.
We may find ourselves replaying the same scenarios and thoughts over and over again.
This is known as ruminating.
It’s an unhealthy loop that keeps us stuck in a set of thoughts that are in our minds, that is the most negative representation of something or ourselves and that prevents us from feeling good.
I’ve found that expressing these thoughts and removing them from my mind by talking to someone who is smart, emotionally intelligent, compassionate and trustworthy was extremely helpful.
Just getting those thoughts out of my mind helped me process them.
Hearing them out loud would sometimes make me realize how crazy they sounded.
And getting support and advice from someone with the abovementioned qualities was reassuring and helpful.
If you find yourself stuck on the same thoughts or feelings that cause you to miss your ex, talk about it to someone good before they overwhelm you.
7. Remove all reminders of your ex
If you are sentimental like me, I can understand why you would want to hold onto certain reminders of your ex like photos, videos, letters and gifts.
The thought of getting rid of those things is torturous. It makes you feel as if you’re throwing away something important.
But, aren’t all things important at some point or the other?
Even though they may be important, doesn’t mean we still have room for them in our lives.
You can’t move into a new house without letting go of your old house. You could keep the old house but that doesn’t mean you can live in it at the same time.
It’s not realistic.
To move on in life, you can’t hold on to things that keep you attached to the past.
Reminders of an ex are such things.
You don’t have to throw them out but you certainly have to keep them away from daily use or sight.
Transfer the photos or videos to an external hard drive that you don’t use and pack away actual items into a storage box that stays in the garage or at the back of your cupboard.
The fewer reminders of your ex, the fewer reasons to think about them. The less you think about them, the less you’ll miss them.
Related post: Should I delete photos of my ex?
8. Journal daily
In general, journaling is one of the most therapeutic habits that eases anxiety and depression.
To this day, I still journal about my thoughts, my feelings, my goals and my progress in specific key areas in life.
Transfer those difficult thoughts and feelings onto paper regularly, especially when you’re missing your ex to the point that it really upsets you.
Don’t just journal when you’re upset, do it when you’re happy too.
In time, you’ll be able to look back and see how far you’ve come.
Related post: Should I journal every day?
9. Be patient with yourself
Look, you’re going to make mistakes during this time and you’ll probably have some self-defeating thoughts.
It happens to the best of us.
Even if you try all these things, it doesn’t mean you’re immediately and automatically going to feel better.
And part of what makes it difficult to move on is the judgment and pressure we place on ourselves for not being able to move on fast enough.
Don’t do that to yourself. It’s okay if you’re feeling bad today or missing your ex. Don’t beat yourself up for it.
We’re all just human beings.
We’re not perfect and we were not made to be perfect. In time, you’ll get through this and your life will improve.
You’re not a bad person and you’re certainly worthy of love.
You just have to regularly make an effort to become the best version of yourself. Learn from your mistakes and be more understanding.
Everything will work out for you eventually.
10. Start dating new people
Lastly, when enough time has passed and you’ve done every single thing in this article up until this point, it’s time to start dating new people.
You see, we all need to take some time to stay grounded in the present moment.
In that time, we may not be able to focus on the future but we can certainly make progress in moving on from the past by healing our wounds.
However, once you’ve done the hard parts of moving on from the past, it’s time to start looking to the future and taking a step forward.
Moving on may seem daunting and difficult but it can also be a fun and beautiful experience that eventually leads you to love once again.
Gradually ease yourself back into the dating scene or simply start meeting new people.
Don’t rush yourself into a new relationship until you’re ready and more or less over your ex.
But, step out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone new.
It’s hard to look back at the past when your eyes are fixed on the future.
Related post: 20 tips for dating someone new
I’m sorry that you’re having such a tough time moving on and missing your ex but things will definitely get better.
Utilize these tips religiously and I promise you that they will help you to move on and gain some control over your thoughts, feelings and life.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to stop missing your ex to be a source of solace, comfort and value. Feel free to leave a comment below if you need some support. Stay strong and I wish you the absolute best in your life.