Unrequited love can be one of the most intoxicating and painful emotions to experience. Anyone who has ever been in this situation understands the great deal of yearning involved in living this way. It can drive anyone into a state of depression which is why I want to share my thoughts on how to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you.
For the most part, this article will include some practical tips on how to sever the ties that link your heart to this person who doesn’t love you.
But, I will also offer a philosophical or psychological argument for why you can and will be able to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you.
Let’s begin this article by discussing the above.
The love that you are experiencing right now is yours. Correct me if I’m wrong but when you look at this person, you feel like you love him or her because of certain things about them.
You feel as if their touch is different, their laughter is different and their way of being is different to anyone else.
So, you just naturally assume that this is why you have fallen in love with this person.
But, what if the exact opposite is true?
What if the only reason this person feels special and different to anyone else is because you love them?
Do you get where I’m going with this?
Remove your love from the situation and those things we described above just become the same things you could find in other people.
In other words, this person merely woke up or inspired the love inside you. It means that your love is the main reason why this person feels so special and amazing to you.
Let that comfort you when the fear of not being able to meet someone else hits you.
This love you feel doesn’t have to end, it just has to be removed from that individual and redirected back into yourself.
And when you do so, it creates an opportunity for someone better suited for you to come along and reactivate this love that you have within yourself.
Think about this for a second, how many times have you heard someone say that they were so in love with their ex but when they look back after some time, they find themselves feeling shocked to have actually loved that person?
I’ve heard that a lot and there have been times in my life where I’ve said the very same words.
From this, we can say with certainty that the love you have for someone is more linked to you than it is to them.
This is why a married couple who have been together for decades continue to love each other even though they change as people over the years.
The love that each partner has for the other belongs solely to them and so they make the choice of loving their partner even as they age and change into different people together.
With that being said, let’s get into some practical tips on how to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you.
Related post: Why did she leave me for someone else?
1. End or limit all communication with them for some time
The reason why it’s so difficult to stop communicating with someone is because our hearts understand that the silence will start to chip away at the connection and the feelings itself.
This is why I encourage my readers to initiate no contact when they experience rejection or a breakup.
Once you go through the difficult period of grieving the loss, it empowers you to pick up the pieces and move on.
Experiencing your own ability to survive and thrive without someone who you love dearly will give you the confidence and strength which is needed to completely stop loving them altogether and direct that love inwardly until you meet someone who deserves to experience it from you outwardly.
Stop texting, calling or engaging with them on social networking apps indefinitely.
Once you reach a point of feeling happy to be single and they’re nothing more than an afterthought, that’s when things start to change and you lose most feelings for someone who doesn’t love you.
Related post: 5 Signs the no contact rule is working
2. Limit the time you spend talking about them
Love is an active emotion. It is nurtured through the expression of it.
So, to even begin the journey of moving on, you need to entertain the idea of not just eliminating contact with them but also the amount of time you spend talking about them.
Granted, you can’t control all your thoughts given that in any single day we have tens of thousands of thoughts.
What you can do is make a choice on what you want to focus on when those thoughts seep into your mind.
If you act on these thoughts, it’s going to create an emotional reaction which ends up fueling the feelings you have.
So, once you’ve adjusted to parting from this person, it might be time to limit the amount of time you spend talking about them to others.
Give yourself a specific amount of time to talk about this person to your friends or family and then move on to other topics about your life.
Related post: 15 Signs she doesn’t love you anymore
3. Outgrow them as a person
I am of the opinion that the love we feel for others belongs to us. In saying that, I would like to echo the sentiment I shared with you earlier on – You don’t love this person because they’re special, they’re special BECAUSE you love them.
You’re going to have this love within you so why not redirect it to others, including yourself.
The greatest joy and peace we get in life is from being of service to people.
It’s the best form of love.
In saying that, do loving things for your friends, family and for yourself.
Prioritize your own well being by surrounding yourself with good people, by pursuing your purpose or passions in life, by taking care of yourself physically and mentally, by positively reaffirming your worth through the accomplishment of goals and the acquisition of knowledge and by connecting with your soul.
This will make a huge impact on how you feel eventually and your attachment to that person will diminish compared to the attachment you form to this new version of yourself.
By partaking in this, you are going to outgrow them as a person.
You’d be surprised how many people who get dumped end up rejecting their ex when they come back because of this.
Invest in self development and you will develop the best relationship of your life and that is the relationship you have with yourself.
Related post: 30 Signs he doesn’t love you anymore
4. Live your life in chapters
Have you noticed how in our thinking, we just assume that our life is an endless journey?
We don’t actually think as if we’re going to die some day but just like how our story on Earth began with birth, it ends with death.
We have chapters in our story but it doesn’t have to just be birth and death.
Your life consists of many chapters as long as you approach it that way.
Most people reach a chapter and stop living. They allow themselves to remain trapped in the past and that chapter never ends.
But, it doesn’t have to be that way.
You can choose to close the chapter the minute you wake up the next morning and decide to start afresh.
That’s the beauty of life. We get to wake up and decide what kind of chapter we want to have next.
We may not get it but we can pursue it.
And in the pursuit of it, we will end the previous chapter and start moving forward.
That’s what you have to do right now to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you.
Leave them behind in the last chapter and start afresh.
You’ll have to choose to start afresh each and every morning. It has to be a conscious act until it becomes a subconscious one.
By the time this occurs, I’m willing to bet that you would have moved on and stopped loving that person.
Related post: If you love someone, should you let them go?
Giving your love to someone is a gift and it should be viewed that way. Those who actually love you and care about you will be receptive of that gift. But, more importantly, they will be grateful. And what I’ve learned in life is that gratefulness is a necessity for love to be nurtured.
One cannot exist without the other.
So, when you really think about your love, think about it as a gift or prize that should be given to those who will value it.
There’s no shame in gifting your love at first to someone who doesn’t appreciate it. But, once they show you that they aren’t grateful or receptive of that love, it’s your duty to take that love and channel it elsewhere.
If there’s one more thing you take from this article, let it be this – Gift love to yourself because nobody deserved your love as much as you do.
It’s going to take time and patience to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you but it will happen.
In the process, you may just end up finding someone else who you love that loves you back.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you to be insightful and helpful. Please feel free to share your thoughts or questions in the comment section below and I’ll be sure to reply.