One of the most common problems faced in any relationship is jealousy. It creeps up on you when you least expect it and causes all sorts of issues within you as well. It’s only natural for you to seek out help on how to stop being jealous before it ruins something special in your life.
When I’ve found myself feeling jealous, the best remedy for it was to ask myself why I felt this way, journal about it and avoid making any actions while emotionally charged.
These 3 simple techniques prevented me from making many mistakes and suffering unnecessarily.
But, it wasn’t complete. After much research and analyzing jealousy at its core without vilifying it, I’ve come to realize that there’s quite a few effective techniques to work through jealousy and use it to benefit you.
Without wasting any time, here’s how to stop feeling jealous once and for all.
1. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
If greed is the biggest contributor to unhappiness then comparison is the biggest contributor to greed.
Comparing yourself to others is a fundamentally flawed idea because it assumes that you and another person were born and lived 100% identical lives with the exact same genetical makeup.
We know this to be completely untrue.
So then, why do we compare ourselves to others?
Is it because we are insecure about ourselves? And does this insecurity heighten when we think that competition exists between you and another in the circle of romance?
It doesn’t unless you create the competition and that is not a healthy or attractive path to embark on.
Competitiveness is attractive only in so far as it relates to your ability and a desire to be number one in activities outside of romance.
So, the first tip on how to stop being jealous is to actively refrain from comparing yourself to any one specific person.
2. Don’t Measure Your Worth Against Someone Else
Much like comparison, placing or measuring your worth against or with someone else is a recipe for insecurity, self-hate and depression.
Look, whether you’re in or out of a relationship, whether you’re rich or broke, whether you have blue or black eyes, you’re here and you deserve to be here for that reason alone.
It is not what we have that defines us but the actions we take on a daily basis.
Good people aren’t those who talk about being good but are those who actually do good things.
Your self worth should exist within you, irrespective of any other external factor.
Just because you don’t have or can’t be like someone else, in particular, doesn’t make you any less important.
You shouldn’t think you’re worth a lot to someone because you’re just their boyfriend or girlfriend. You’re worth a lot because you are worth something without anything attached to that.
3. Analyze Why You’re Feeling Jealous In Each Situation
Jealousy is not a randomized and isolated emotion. We don’t just look at someone else who may be better off in some way or another and feel jealous.
Often, insecurity over something about ourselves places us in a position to compare and measure ourselves against someone else thus causing strong feelings of jealousy to catch alight.
Allow me to demonstrate this with an example – I’m jealous of this guy who has six-pack abs. Okay, why am I jealous? Because I don’t have abs? No, that can’t be it. What if I don’t want abs. Because I’m out of shape? Yes, that’s part of the answer.
The real answer to why I’m jealous about a guy who has six-pack abs is because he worked harder than I did and achieved something I could have as well.
Get where this is going?
Jealousy can often be tied to our self-imposed shortcomings.
When we feel like we could achieve something someone else has, it makes us feel hypercritical of our lack of effort, ability, understanding or dedication.
Instead of addressing those issues and taking ownership of our shortcomings, we end up taking the easier route out and embrace jealously.
The problem with jealousy is that it is often unrewarding, problematic and painful.
The next time you’re feeling jealous, think about why you feel that way? Channel that assessment into a step to improve yourself.
Alternately, if it has nothing to do with you and it is someone else, like your partner, who is making you feel jealous of another, analyze the situation.
Figure out why your partner is acting in a particular way and have a talk with him or her about it.
A rule of thumb I have is to never outwardly compare my partner to anyone else and I expect the same of her.
It’s much better if that comparison remains strictly to how we each, individually, showed up in the relationship in prior weeks to improve ourselves and keep the relationship strong.
Check out this article on 10 toxic beliefs that are ruining your life.
4. Take Ownership Of Your Feelings Of Jealousy
If you allow jealousy to fester, it will boil over and create a ton of mess.
Rather than try to pretend like you’re not jealous, take a moment to own that feeling.
Acknowledge it with the intention of working through it until that feeling dissipates.
Sometimes, the first step to overcoming a problem is to admit you have one.
Then, ask yourself why you’re feeling that way, eliminate any and all comparisons and talk about it to someone.
This helps in many ways, especially if you feel really guilty and self-loathing for feeling jealous.
Give yourself a break. It’s natural and most of us, if not everyone, feels jealousy at some point or the other.
It’s how you act on that feeling which truly reflects your character as a person.
5. Don’t Vent Your Jealousy On Your Partner
Whether your partner is responsible for making you feel jealous or if you just feel that way irrespective, do not take it out on your partner.
It’s okay to take ownership of that feeling and speak about it to your partner.
But do not become a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend who acts controlling, angry and uncontrollable.
It’s ridiculously unattractive and toxic for a healthy relationship.
I like to remind myself that the best part about being in a relationship with someone good is that I don’t have to force or control my partner to love, accept and want to be with me.
It’s that freedom to choose me over someone else that makes a relationship flourish whilst diminishing any desire to be controlling, insecure or jealous.
6. Write Or Speak About Your Feelings
Throughout this article, I’ve echoed this sentiment of speaking about how you feel.
If you bottle up emotions, it will explode causing damage to you and those around you.
I’ve witnessed this happen many times.
What’s healthy is to write or speak about your feeling of jealousy without blame, anger or embarrassment.
This gives your partner the opportunity to support you whilst admire you for not allowing your actions to be dictated by jealousy.
By not acting on jealousy in a negative way, you rewire your brain to avoid hurting yourself or others during volatile feelings.
Writing or speaking about it may provide you with some perspective that initially flew over your head.
As of late, I spend 15 minutes every night journaling about my thoughts and feelings. Often, the act itself makes me feel better and in other instances, I sort of provide self-therapy that resolves my emotions.
Try it for yourself.
7. Do Nothing
Okay so if you find yourself to be an explosive person who is dictated by your emotions, you need to do the opposite in this situation.
I’ll be very honest, I wear my heart on my sleeve. When I’m emotionally charged, I can make some rash and silly decisions.
Jealousy is quite a strong emotion but if not channeled correctly, it can motivate you to do something that will make you feel more insecure or ruin your relationship.
I have a rule now that has saved me from a ton of stupid decisions. When I am emotionally charged by negative feelings, I don’t act on my thoughts until the next day.
This 24-hour rule gives you time to cool off and come to your senses.
Just because you feel afraid or upset doesn’t necessitate taking actions.
Think about it. When you’ve been dumped, your every thought may be to chase after your partner and show them what they’re missing out on but that is counteractive to your goal of getting them back.
If anything, by doing nothing, you drastically improve your ability to reattract your ex.
Channel Jealousy In A Healthy Way
Every emotion we feel has the potential to result in something good or bad to happen.
Jealousy could be an emotion that sabotages your relationships and ruins any self-esteem or it could be a motivator to work harder and be a better person to the people in your life.
Perspective and a healthy attitude can take you very far in life, especially in the world of love and romance.
With that being said, I hope you found this article to be of some help to you. Feel free to drop a comment below and let me know what your thoughts are on jealousy.