If you’ve been used, taken advantage of, manipulated, or dumped for other guys, then it is imperative that you familiarize yourself with this article on how to stop being a nice guy.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice. The issue is that many nice guys display tendencies and habits that project an image of weakness.
This weakness puts you in a vulnerable position of being manipulated by some toxic women.
Another issue with nice guys is that women find them to be boring. Why is that the case? Good question.
It’s because nice guys are easy.
They don’t pose much of a challenge or risk.
By being too accommodating, approval-seeking, vocally emotional, and pursuant, you remove the excitement attached to uncertainty, which women love during the early phases of courtship.
What You Shouldn’t Be A Nice Guy
- They get taken for a ride
- Nice guys end up friend-zoned
- They end up feeling tired and empty
- They invest too much into someone who ends up choosing the ‘jerk’
- Frequent rejection leads them towards incels
- They develop resentment towards women
It’d be easy for me to sit here, point the finger at you, and say that this is your fault for being too nice. But I understand that life and relationships can be more complicated than simple Xs or Os.
That’s one of the reasons why I set out to create The Attraction Game.
I want to help people navigate through the rough seas of dating.
But there’s only so much that I can do.
I can research, study, experiment, and craft in-depth guides for you, but the real work takes place within you.
Unless you’re willing to be objective, none of this stuff will work. You’ll fall back into bad habits at the first sign of danger or failure.
Being nice isn’t the problem. It’s your inability to choose the right type of people to be nice too.
Half the issues you face right now as a nice guy wouldn’t exist if you had the right type of woman in your life.
So although you may have been manipulated or taken for granted by certain types of women, you have to take some ownership of the situation as well.
We don’t get to choose our family, but we sure as hell get to choose our friends and romantic partners.
If you continue to chase after the type of women who walk all over nice guys, don’t blame them. They’re doing what they are known for doing. Blame yourself for trying to turn an apple into an orange.
I hate to sound so harsh, but it’s a wake-up call you need.
This was the type of conversation my best friend had with me many times.
Thankfully, after some time, it clicked. Over the last few years, I’ve found myself surrounded by high-quality women who love and respect me for the person I truly am.
I may not be as ‘nice’ as I once was. But that’s okay. I’m not rude, nor am I a jerk.
If anything, I think of myself as a nice jerk.
I’ve taken the qualities of a nice guy that are wholesome, and I’ve taken the self-preserving qualities of a jerk and found a perfect balance.
Since then, I treat women amazingly, as long as they treat me well.
In other words, if someone tries to take advantage of me, I stop them dead in their tracks and stand up for myself.
The standard I’ve set for myself keeps toxic women far away from me.
When you develop a deeper sense of self-respect, you’ll stop finding these crazy, toxic women attractive, no matter how physically attractive they may be.
Before I get into the meat of this article, I just want to say one more thing. If you’re choosing to be nice, don’t expect anything from it. Nobody owes you anything.
Just because you like someone and decide to treat them nicely doesn’t mean they owe you their love.
As much as I support nice guys and hate to see one treated poorly, I do not agree with the notion that someone owes you a relationship because you like them and have been nice.
If you’re interested, watch Crazy Stupid Love for a good idea of how a nice guy has to go through a journey to become a strong man who wins back his ex-wife.
Be that as it may, let’s take a closer look at how to stop being a nice guy.
Steps On Not Being A Nice Guy
1. Don’t be a pushover
Being a pushover creates one simple but impactful narrative that will dictate the way you’re treated by someone.
It paints you into a bubble of weakness.
When someone manipulative gets wind of you being weak, they will exploit and take advantage of you at every turn.
You are a person like everyone else. Which means that you have the right to accept or reject something that affects your life.
The next time you are challenged, deal with it head-on. Be firm, and don’t let someone get away with pushing you over without even an apology.
2. Stop seeking out women’s approval
Another surefire way to depict yourself as weak and desperate is to do things for others approval.
Spend some time scrolling through the comment section of girls pictures or statuses on Facebook, and you’ll be able to spot those nice guys echoing every sentiment that could possibly win him some approval from women.
In his head, he believes this is the best way into her heart and pants.
It just shows your desperation for approval. And if you need approval, then you must be lacking something.
What could you possibly be lacking? self-confidence, self-belief, and other women who are attracted to you.
Once a woman starts considering whether you’re this approval-seeking nice guy, it’s game over.
3. Don’t sacrifice your needs
Being kind and being nice go hand in hand. I understand. The reward of kindness is intangible yet powerful.
However, far too often, nice guys completely sacrifice their needs and themselves to get the approval and affection of women.
What they don’t realize is that this level of self-sacrifice will deplete you completely.
Eventually, when you’re feeling all used up and empty, the desire to seek out something from these very same women will convince you that they will show up because you did.
But then they don’t. If anything, they’ll be kind, but in so far as it doesn’t result in them sacrificing their own needs.
Then you’re left feeling bitter, empty, and betrayed. Look, self-preservation is as important as kindness.
If you are all used up, you’ll have nothing to give. So by taking care of yourself first, you can take care of others.
4. Stop agreeing with women blindly
Nobody respects someone who doesn’t have conviction. You don’t have to impose your opinions on others, but you must hold onto them for yourself.
Women will say all sorts of crazy things at times. Just like men. They may even know it. And yet some nice guy will run behind her, groveling at her feet in agreement with her opinions, irrespective of what he actually feels.
Flip the script, and I guarantee most of those women will completely and vocally disagree with an opinion you make that doesn’t sit well with them.
That’s what normal, confident, and self-respecting people do. They hold a position and defend it.
If it’s proven incorrect with logic, rationality, sense, empathy, and compassion, then they may change their opinion.
But they won’t do it just to get the approval of women or men they find attractive.
5. Don’t be afraid of confrontation
As a person, I’m nonconfrontational. I don’t like making a scene, nor do I want to cause unnecessary drama.
But I was too extreme and too nice. I allowed myself to put up with complete disrespect to avoid confrontation.
I was so afraid of creating a bad image of myself and hurting others.
But by doing this, I was creating a weak image of myself. More importantly, I was hurting myself.
It was only when I started confronting people who were malicious and intentionally disrespectful towards me that I started garnering respect.
This got rid of toxic people from my life and drew a line that others should not cross.
The message became clear: don’t mistake kindness for weakness.
People must be made aware that there are consequences for their actions. Without consequence, people will do whatever they want at the cost of anyone and everyone.
6. Don’t accept poor treatment
I enjoy watching Corey Wayne’s videos, and he regularly quotes something that has stuck with me for a while now: You get what you negotiate for in life.
In other words, you must be willing to speak up for what you want, or else you’ll get whatever life throws at you without a choice.
If someone is treating you poorly, you must be willing to get rid of them or elicit an apology with a guarantee of not treating you that way again. If they refuse, you must be willing to walk away.
That’s how a negotiation works.
We negotiate the terms of a deal. If we cannot come to an agreement, then we must be willing to walk away. It’s as simple as that.
But to negotiate, you must be completely clear about what you will give and what you expect to get in return.
Make a list of how you want to be treated by a woman and the behavior that is unacceptable.
7. Build self confidence
If there’s one thing you take away from this article on how to stop being a nice guy, let it be this: Without confidence, you are fighting a losing battle.
Confidence is belief in oneself.
Without belief, you lack resolve. And without resolve, you have nothing that drives you to negotiate for better women and better relationships.
Self-confidence is built by overcoming obstacles and achieving your goals. Not just in relationships but in every facet of life.
Work on your fitness, try to look better, work harder on your career, set more ambitious goals, travel more, take on challenging tasks, and have an adventure.
When everything comes together, you’ll experience a level of self-development that sticks with you for life.
8. Learn to say no
No is a powerful and important word. In life, no matter how nice you are, if you’re saying yes to one thing, you’re automatically saying no to something else.
To negotiate, saying no to terms that don’t suit your desires is imperative. If a woman is disrespecting you, when you say no to that behavior, you’re inadvertently saying yes to better behavior.
In a way, what you say no to becomes as, if not more, important as what you say yes to.
Nice guys have a problem saying no to things that could deplete them or negatively affect them. So, if you want to stop being a nice guy, be prepared to say no.
9. Stop apologizing for no reason
As a nice guy, I always found myself apologizing to people, even when I was not in the wrong.
In my head, I was being polite and considerate.
But this gave people the upper hand for no reason. It made me come across as weak to manipulative people. And it removed the fear of consequences for wronging me.
By constantly apologizing for no reason, it made me look scared and afraid. It also projected a need for approval from others.
If you haven’t done something wrong, don’t apologize.
When you apologize all the time, it removes the weight and importance attached to the words.
If you want your apologies to mean something, use them sparingly and when necessary.
10. Have standards
Last but certainly not least, draw up a list of standards or qualities you want in a woman and in a relationship.
If someone does not live up to your standards, be willing to walk away or negotiate.
But to remove the weeds from the lawn, you must know the difference between weeds and grass. Which means that you must have a set of standards to measure someone against.
Having standards is a sign of someone who is confident and who respects himself.
Nice guys are far too willing to throw out their standards for women who don’t even deserve the time of day.
Make it a priority to spend time drawing up your list of standards and memorizing them.
This will guide you for years to come.
Strong guys can be extremely nice, but their ability to be strong-willed, confident, and masculine works to their advantage.
They negotiate better terms in all their relationships and in life.
They go after what they want with uncompromising intensity.
You can hold onto the nice parts of you that feel good. But at the same time, you can become a more confident and respected man as well.
Life is a journey, and personal development is the engine of the vehicle.
If you put in the hard work now, you’ll reap the rewards in the future.