The fear of being dumped is a real issue. Don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise. When you’ve had the happiness of a good relationship pulled from under your feet, it can leave behind scars that affect the way you view relationships.
At some point or another, we’ve all been dumped. It’s unavoidable.
Even if you’re the most attractive, smart or richest person in the world, you are not immune to being dumped.
Most of us are driven by our carnal desires.
Whether this is for love, lust or wealth, these desires play an influential part in the people we become and the people we find attractive.
More than lust and wealth, love is by far the most unpredictable feeling. It can appear unexpectedly and disappear just as fast.
It can cloud our judgment or provide striking clarity.
Love can be overwhelming or it can be freeing.
But if there’s one thing I know love to be, universally, it’s powerful. Love has the power to turn your life upside down and all the way around again without you even having a clue how to navigate yourself.
It’s a beautiful thing.
Love teaches so many lessons and the relationships that stem from love are often instrumental in personal development.
Romantic relationships often influence the way we view ourselves.
Think about it – for someone to love us without any familial reason to must see value in the people that we are.
And that is empowering. Right? It makes you feel validated and accepted.
Who you are, how you look and the way you behave must have some good and attractiveness for another strange human being to fall for you and desire a relationship with you.
But the opposite is true as well.
When we are dumped or go through a breakup, it casts an unspoken doubt over our self-worth.
We assumed that we’re amazing and that’s why we found people who wanted to be with us. But, after spending time with us, they decided to leave.
And what follows is the idea that maybe we aren’t the people we thought we were.
I consider this thought to be an irrational justification or explanation for the collapse of a relationship.
But, it happens. The depth of self-reflection caused by a breakup is unparalleled.
Some people grow whereas others fall into a pit of fear, sadness, depression, self-loathing and anger.
Of the lot, I think the fear of being dumped is the most defeating because it has the potential to prevent you from moving forward in life.
Why do we fear being dumped?
Being dumped causes a host of unsettling change. And the one thing most of us are susceptible to is routines.
Once we get used to being with someone, we develop an expectation to have them with us.
Our lifestyle gets influenced by them and so does our routines.
When that person leaves, suddenly, everything changes and yet stays the same.
You’re still going to the same job, eating the same food, watching the same movies and visiting the same places but without that person by your side.
Their influence on you and to these things disappears and you feel it. You experience loss.
And then there’s the impact it has on the future.
You may have developed so many plans for the future based around your relationship. Those future plans started motivating your decisions in the present.
Your goals may have been altered as well. And now, all of that has been snatched away from you.
It’s painful. It’s jarring. It’s disillusioning.
I remember getting dumped many years ago and it hit me hard. It changed the way I viewed myself and my life.
That change is so unsettling at first that you often don’t know how to readjust. What’s ironic is that we spend huge chunks of our early life as individuals.
And yet, in the space of a year or a few years, our identities change because of a relationship and even fall apart at the end of those relationships.
Isn’t that crazy?
It’s a testament to how influential relationships are. So if you have a fear of being dumped, don’t beat yourself up for it.
Anyone could end up feeling that way. It just so happens that you’re going through the fear of being dumped.
But like any fear in life, it presents you with an opportunity to develop strength and courage.
Related post: How long does it take to get over a breakup?
Because the remedy for fear is courage. The ability to take action and do something despite the overwhelming feeling surrounding that thing.
Before I move on, I just want to touch on something important.
Fear isn’t something to fear.
By nature, fear is a defense mechanism. It keeps us alive. Fear is what pushed humans beings to develop from the age of cavemen to our now civilized society.
Us being here is proof that fear doesn’t have to be debilitating.
With the right mindset, we are capable of channeling fear into a driving force for growth and survival.
So with that being said, the following tips on how to overcome the fear of being dumped are inspired by our ability to be brave and courageous in the face of fear and failure.
Related post: How to overcome the fear of being cheated on
Step out of your comfort zone and face rejection
The simplest way to overcome fear is to face it head-on. If it doesn’t kill you, it will be conquered once and for all. That’s the basic formula for defeating fear.
As far as I know, going through a breakup will not kill you. No breakup should ever hold that kind of power and influence over you.
Relationships are a part of life, not life itself. You were not put on this planet to simply have a romantic relationship.
Each and everyone has a purpose in life. Our existence is to serve. I believe in serving the Almighty and by extension, serving society.
Yes, not many people really pursue their purpose in life and we can actually create an argument that this has an influential and causal link in depression and anxiety.
Why don’t they seek out the reason for their existence? Some might say it’s fear. Others might say it’s the trap of comfort.
I say that it’s both fear and falling into a comfort zone.
Essentially this is where it all begins.
By not being truthful and honest to yourself, you never put yourself in the uncomfortable position of being challenged by something that could push you to become a braver, stronger and more confident person.
And this spills over into your love life!
To avoid getting your heart broken again, you avoid relationships, right?
This makes you fall into a comfort zone. You find comfort in not exposing yourself to the possibility of heartbreak.
But, on the flip side of the coin is a longing for companionship. The desire to be truly intimate with another person rarely ever dissipates.
Because you’re using fear as an excuse to stay stuck in a comfort zone, the price you must pay is so severe that it adds a slow, dreadful and brutal pain to your heart.
Realistically, the heart was created to pump blood throughout your body. Metaphorically, the heart was designed to love.
By depriving your heart of its innate function to love, it suffers because it is not being exercised in the way it was designed.
And as you know, if you don’t use it, you lose it.
Hence, the reason for people turning sour, pessimistic, negative, bitter and judgmental.
In fact, this inability to deal with fear often leads people into becoming toxic like incels.
In trying to preserve yourself, you end up losing everything you actually love. You become a person who naturally scares away the potential for love and relationships.
The desire to be comfortably safe will always butt heads with the desire to love and be loved.
These two contrasting desires will often result in enormous pain.
Here’s how – you’ll meet someone desirable. The idea of love may push just a little to open yourself up to a relationship.
Rather than do things conducive to the development of chemistry and love, your fears and insecurity will influence you to behave in a way that is unattractive and off-putting.
This may scare off or push away that individual and you reaffirm your fears whilst your desire spills over.
You’ll meet someone else who is desirable and then it all happens again.
The ugly cycle goes on indefinitely.
And here’s the kicker, love does not guarantee anything. There will always be the risk of losing someone you love.
If it’s not by being dumped, it could be through death or a breakup caused by distance and the inability to ever see each other again.
But none of these things are justifiable reasons for not loving.
If anything, they give me more reason to love with all my heart and take as many risks as I can because nothing lasts forever and everything can change in the blink of an eye.
So to allow the fear of being dumped to stop you from pursuing a relationship is irrational.
With that being said, you have to take a step in the right direction. If you’re not willing to jump all in, baby steps will work too.
Start going out on dates
Meet new people. You’re going to come across people you like but who doesn’t like you. And you’re going to meet people who like you but that you don’t like.
And what you’ll learn from this experience is that life goes on.
You’ll come out of the situation just fine. You will still be you, even in the face of failure or rejection.
Additionally, you’ll start to notice that there are so many people who feel the same way as you do but they still muster up the courage to push forward and find love.
This will inspire you.
You’ll also get to see just how many fish there are in the big wide ocean.
Little by little, you’ll build some confidence and thicker skin. Once you exit the comfort zone, even just a little, you’ll be able to experience growth.
Related post: How long does it take to get over a breakup
Experience being dumped
Sounds crazy, I know. But, what if you were to approach it from the perspective of it being a challenge.
You know that it won’t kill you. So this can be an opportunity for you to grow.
If the relationship works, fantastic. Enjoy it and have the best time of your life. If it doesn’t, okay cool. You have an opportunity to overcome a challenge.
Obviously, this applies to people who really haven’t been dumped or been in a relationship.
Knowing that you will get through a breakup should be comforting. Actually getting through it is empowering.
It obviously will suck but sometimes you have to go through the worst possible experience to fully grasp how resilient you can be and how recovering from being dumped is more than possible.
Related post: How to get over being cheated on
Change the object of your fear
Before we ever understood that fire can cause pain, we had to have experienced it ourselves.
Similarly, with a stove, unless you’ve used one or taught about it, chances are such that you won’t know to not touch the plate until you feel it’s heat or gets burnt.
But, neither the fire nor the stove is intended to cause pain.
It’s a side effect. In reality, a stove’s primary use is to cook food and a fire’s primary use is to create heat and warmth or to incinerate.
In essence, it’s not the stove or the fire that should be blamed for your pain. It’s the action of touching the stove plate when it’s hot or exposing your bare skin to the flame of a fire that causes you to get hurt or injured.
Put differently, if you can avoid these actions, you may not get burnt.
Similarly, it’s not the relationship that causes the breakup.
It’s certain mistakes or decisions within the relationship that results in the collapse of it.
Just because a relationship has the ability to cause pain doesn’t mean it will.
On the contrary, if handled correctly, it could provide you with an abundance of good in your life.
So if the fear of being dumped prevents you from having a relationship or enjoying one, redirect the object of the fear to something else.
Fear making stupid decisions that could sabotage your relationship and cause its demise.
At least then, you can channel fear to work for you. It will help you stay truthful, honest and accountable.
Related post: How being cheated on changes you
Trust me when I tell you that getting over this fear is more than possible so long as you are willing to take a chance.
I tend to weight the pros and cons of my decisions in life.
And when I ran this scenario through my head, I realized that the happiness of fulfilled love is far more important to me than the pain from getting dumped.
It’s worth the risk to me and it should be for you too.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to overcome the fear of being dumped to be helpful. Please feel free to leave your questions in the comment section below.
If you want to maximize the chances of you meeting someone who will not only knock your socks off but treat you in the manner that you deserve, then you need to know what you should look for in a...
When we invest ourselves in people who don’t care about us, we are doing a disservice to ourselves and to the people who genuinely deserve to belong in our lives. But, most of us can’t decipher...