How To Not Obsess Over Someone

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Obsession is one of the most unhealthiest and detrimental effects of investing too much into someone. It can lead to insecurity, anxiety, jealousy, envy, pain and uncontrollable fear. It will hurt you and the target of your obsession. For this reason, I want to share everything I know on how to not obsess over someone. 

Love is freeing whereas obsession is imprisoning. It holds someone to a standard of expectations that they will never satisfy. 

More importantly, it strips you of self worth and self importance because most people who obsess over someone will sacrifice themselves for their desire.

I applaud you for being self aware enough to recognize that you’re obsessed with someone and need help to break free from this problem.

Let’s take a quick look at what we will be discussing below on how to not obsess over someone.

  1. Don’t put them on a pedestal.
  2. Don’t over invest in someone to the point of obsession.
  3. Focus on living your best life.
  4. Break free from codependency.
  5. Spend time with other people.

I just want to say something important – obsessions can be broken. 

It is imperative that you affirm this daily to believe it. With belief, almost anything is possible. Start with belief and the rest will follow.

With that being said, let’s examine these solutions on how to not obsess over someone in more detail so that you can apply them to your life as soon as possible. 

Related post: Why do I still think about my ex every day?

Don’t put them on a pedestal

Talk to any guy or girl who is smitten over someone to an obsessive level, you’ll find one thing in common between all of them – they have a false sense of reality in regards to the perception they have of that individual.

They have a fantasy of this person in their mind.

They don’t see any flaws nor do they see things as they are.

Everything about that person is enhanced in their mind and they place this person on a pedestal above everyone else.

Naturally, you will feel like someone you care about or love is special. But, to assume that they’re more important than you, better than you, smarter than you or more valuable than you is detrimental to your own self worth and sense of well being.

In essence, you will be in a subservient position to this person in your mind and this will never provide you with the ability to have a real and fair relationship with them.

More importantly, you will end up sacrificing precious time on a fantasy of someone without actually knowing them for who they truly are.

The longer you keep them up on a pedestal, the longer you will remain obsessed over someone. 

Related post: When to give up on a girl you like

Don’t over invest in someone to the point of obsession

Have you heard of the cumulative effect? If not, allow me to explain. It is an effect produced by something happening over a long period of time.

If you say a buck every day, eventually, it will add up to a significant amount of money which will have an effect on your bank account.

If you run a mile per day, you’ll eventually run tens or hundreds of miles and it will have an effect on your body. 

In the same vein, if you invest time, energy and effort into someone, it will have an effect on your level of attachment to that individual.

The more you invest, the more attached you will become.

The height of this attachment is known as obsession.

To some, it appears to be love but when you dig beneath the surface, you realize that it’s something more sinister or detrimental to your well being and that of the other individual.  

Related post: How to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you

Focus on living your best life

The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the one with yourself. Nobody can live life for you but more importantly, nobody will challenge you more so than you will.

Most people are just alive.

They’re not actually living the life that they want.

Why?

Because they’re too afraid to face fear or more importantly, face themselves.

Granted, there are people all across the world who are dealing with circumstances that make it infinitely harder to live the life they want.

But, if that’s not you, then the only reason why you aren’t living your best life is because you’re focusing on either being like everyone else or you’re too afraid to face yourself. 

The time that you are spending obsessing over someone else is time you could invest in yourself. 

I try to emphasize this concept on my site as frequently as I can because it’s the ‘secret’ to attracting high quality partners.

You have to become the kind of person you want to attract.

The way in which you can do this is by focusing inwardly.

Design a life for yourself and create it by working on it daily. 

Build an obsession towards self improvement and life fulfillment. This will prevent you from obsessing over someone else while also attracting the kind of people who will knock your socks off. 

Related post: How to be single and happy

Break free from codependency

Codependency has been a personal strife that I’ve been working on lately. I’m still to understand the root cause of it within myself but I’ve dug away at factors that have worsened it over the years. 

As a codependent, I understand that my need to be loved and accepted by someone I want stems from a lack of self love and self validation.

At the same time, I also battle to surrender control of certain things to life.

I notice that obsession and an anxious attachment style are often interlinked with codependency.

To break an obsession of this nature, it’s a good idea to unburden yourself from codependency. 

The first step towards doing so is detaching yourself from someone you are obsessed with.

In other words, surrender control and let that person be without needing or wanting anything from them.

Thereafter, I would encourage you to get comfortable with your own company.

It has been incredibly difficult for me to remain single for an extended period of time in my life because I just couldn’t be alone with myself.

Now, however, I’m single again and this has made me embrace myself without trying to be with anyone.

I’m learning how to live with myself and by myself.

I feel like being obsessed with someone or being codependent again is something that will not be a problem as long as I focus on continuing this work.

Related post: How to cope with anxiety about being single

Spend time with other people

To be spending all your time on one person is unhealthy. They shouldn’t fill every single role in your life. That is inevitably going to lead you towards obsession and codependency.

For this reason, it’s important to maintain a social life.

I’m going to assume that your obsession is romantic in nature. In saying that, if you’re not in a relationship yet, get to know other people even as friends. 

If you’re in a relationship already, then designate time towards family, friends, colleagues and those who need your help.

There is not a greater feeling in the world than being of service to those who are in need or those in your life. 

Your life is bigger than any romantic relationship.

Please keep that in mind because it will help you to separate yourself from this obsession. 

Related post: How to deal with loving someone you can’t have

In conclusion

Just like how it took time and effort for your obsession to grow, it will be the same to break the obsession.

For the most part, you’ll just have to exercise a lot of effort for the first 2 – 3 weeks but then it will be easier to stick to these changes because momentum will carry you forward.

I want you to take some time to write down all the things you do on a daily basis to feed your obsession over someone.

Once you are aware of what is feeding your obsession, you can choose to stop all those actions cold turkey or drastically reduce them week by week.

Honesty and some degree of critical observation will be required from you to successfully complete this activity but the information you gain on your own behavior will be invaluable.

Be patient with yourself during this process and take care.

At first, it won’t be easy and you will battle between feelings of fear and anxiety. But, remind yourself of why it is imperative that you remain steadfast.

Once you get into the groove of it, you’ll be more than fine.

With that being said, I hope you found comfort and insight in this article on how to not obsess over someone. If you would like for me to answer a specific relationship or personal development question, please head over to the comment section below to let me know.

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