If you are looking for a simple, effective, tried, and tested approach to how to make your avoidant ex miss you, then this is the guide for you.
What you need to understand is that most avoidants develop their attachment style in childhood. It’s a constant struggle with anxiety and fear that stems from expectations and pressure. To some degree, we all understand what it’s like to feel an aversion to something that causes us distress.
But, just because we have a propensity to avoid something or someone doesn’t mean we should.
There’s always some degree of pressure, stress, and expectation associated with relationships.
If we want love, we have to be willing to weather storms and show up during difficult times.
An avoidant yearns for love and connection but at the same time, they experience an aversion to some of the elements of expectations and pressure that comes with it.
If they don’t have a handle on the effects of their attachment style and if you don’t understand how to navigate a flare-up of their attachment style, there’s a strong chance that you will say and do things that make the situation worse.
It is possible to have a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship with an avoidant.
But, it requires work and good intentions from both parties.
When an avoidant pulls away or ends a relationship, they may trigger feelings of abandonment and desperation within you.
If you were to indulge in these feelings uncontrollably, you will do things that will completely erase your chances of making an avoidant ex miss you.
Here’s a list of things to do to make you avoidant ex miss you:
- Let them leave while expressing your love for them.
- Give them the space to miss you by not blowing up their phone with texts and calls.
- Don’t fight or argue with them.
- Act with grace and dignity when they leave because avoidants are highly attracted to people who are secure, confident, and dignified.
- If they reach out to you on the phone, suggest meeting but keep the conversation short and sweet. This will create desire and longing.
- Don’t express your feelings of desperation and desire. Avoidants are attracted to the uncertainty or mystery of the courtship. Let them wonder about how you feel and if you actually want them back.
Believe it or not, if you were to just implement these changes in your behavior, it could make a world of a difference on the matter.
If you share kids with the avoidant, it’s okay to maintain some contact with them. If you make mistakes that drove the avoidant away, express your remorse and make genuine efforts to win back their trust but in a slow and patient manner.
When you remove pressure and expectations for closeness, that’s when an avoidant ex misses you and comes back.
There’s something extremely attractive about people who exude love and walk around devoid of desperation for love.
That’s not to say you should be inauthentic.
But, even when desperate, maintain some degree of dignity and self-respect.
If you can do that, I promise you, things will work out the way they should. More importantly, you’ll gain self-confidence and self-respect by behaving more respectfully to others and to yourself.
That’s literally all you have to do to make your avoidant ex miss you.
The rest is up to God and it also depends on whether the avoidant still has an attachment to you, which is out of your control.
I know that you feel a strong degree of compulsion to do more but in this case, moderation of action or inaction will have more of an impact on your avoidant ex who dumped you.
You need to read this article: Can an avoidant and secure relationship work?
Do Avoidants Think About You After A Breakup?
Yes, avoidants do think about you after a breakup, especially if they shared a deep connection with you.
Most of the time, avoidants seek solace and comfort by escaping something or someone that causes them discomfort.
But, feelings of discomfort or stress are not permanent. In fact, none of us experience just one emotion.
Life presents us with an array of different emotions and experiences on a regular basis. This is one of the reasons why it is frowned upon to make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.
An avoidant may have wanted to break up because of certain emotions but once those emotions dissipate, there’s a strong chance that they will begin to miss you.
In the same breath, being alone can also cause feelings of discomfort and stress. As we know, avoidants yearn for love like the rest of us but they also are averse to the suffering that comes from being alone.
At this point, they will think about you and what it was like to have your love and companionship.
I want you to ask yourself the following question:
Have I ever forgotten someone I truly loved?
You haven’t, right?
You remember every person you truly loved and had a relationship with.
So, what makes you think that an avoidant person is any different?
We don’t forget the people we truly loved and shared a real romantic relationship with.
Sure, we can move on from them but they aren’t erased from our memory just because we break up.
When you feel overwhelmed by the fear of being forgotten by an avoidant ex, think about this question before you write yourself off as someone forgettable.
Will My Avoidant Ex Ever Contact Me Again?
At some point, yes, they will contact you again but it depends on whether they shared a strong enough connection with you and nothing unforgivable has occurred within your relationship that caused the breakup.
People tend to underestimate the process of finding love. You may meet a lot of people but that doesn’t mean you will connect with most of them.
A soul connection is rare and if that is something your ex shared with you, they are bound to miss you and think about you with time.
When that happens and there’s a strong enough compulsion to reach out, you’ll hear from your avoidant ex.
At the same time, I would be remiss not to mention that this also depends on whether the avoidant is single.
If they haven’t met someone else, then there’s a strong likelihood that they will contact you again. If they have moved on and their new relationship is going strong, there’s a very small chance that they will contact you again while the relationship persists.
Do Avoidants Care About You?
Yes, absolutely. Despite an attachment style that creates an aversion to expectations, stress, and commitment, avoidants are like anyone else who yearns for connection, love, and intimacy.
When they are not overwhelmed by anxiety or fear, avoidants can be quite caring and loving.
Forming attachments isn’t the issue for them. It’s navigating the effects of their attachment style when faced with issues and problems, even if it only pertains to the escalation of closeness and commitment.
An avoidant is perfectly capable of pulling away from someone while still caring about that person.
However, their need to avoid the stressor sabotages their feelings of care and love for their partner or the other person.
But, care and affection are not abstract concepts to avoidants.
If you find that an avoidant displays no signs of love and care but tends to only show up in your life to receive something from you, then it’s more likely that they are using you and don’t care about you.
This would explain why they disappear or leave whenever you begin to open up to them or when you try to escalate the seriousness of your relationship with them.
The best way to determine if anyone cares about you is to observe whether their actions and their words align.
If they vocalize care and take steps to be caring, then, they probably care about you. If they claim to care about you but everything they do indicates that they don’t, then they probably don’t care about you.
It’s easy for us to make excuses for the people we care about but sometimes we have to deviate from our desire to rationalize things in favor of them and just simplify it in this way.
You need to read this article: What to do when an avoidant partner withdraws
What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant?
Think about what causes an avoidant to pull away and ask yourself whether your behavior is adding fuel to the fire or extinguishing it.
Avoidants tend to pull away when they feel overwhelmed by expectations, problems, and commitment.
In an attempt to gain some space and distance, they pull away. If you try to bridge the gap they created with excessive contact and neediness, it will backfire and give them more reason to stay away from you.
The best way to disarm an avoidant who pulled away or left is by allowing them to leave.
That doesn’t mean you should pretend like you don’t care about them. Instead, affirm your love and desire for them while also letting them leave.
I came across this concept in a video shared by Mel Robbins in which she explained the importance of letting them be.
Rather than exhausting every means at your disposal to make someone do something or be something, just let them be.
Let them show you who they are and what they want.
Don’t try to exert so much control over what people do or what happens with your relationships. What you may find is that they end up coming back to you when you let them go with love.
When they come back, you won’t grapple with insecurity or severe doubt that they want to be with you because you’ll have the comfort and security that comes from watching them choose you of their own accord.
I just want to add a caveat to this by emphasizing the importance of affirming your love and desire to be with them.
If you made a mistake or if you were unloving, make genuine attempts to express your remorse and love for them.
But, do it without pressurizing them to come back.
In other words, do it for the sake of love and not for the sake of desperation.
Does No Contact Work On Avoidants?
In my experience, yes, no contact does work on avoidants because it creates the necessary silence, space, and distance to encourage feelings of longing, desire, fondness, forgiveness, and love.
Most of the time, avoidants leave or pull away when they feel overwhelmed by some element of the relationship.
Often, they’re just self-sabotaging but pursuing them with urgency and ferocity only fuels their desire to avoid you.
By using no contact, it removes all the elements of pressure and stress that were associated with the relationship and forces the avoidant to experience life without you.
The end of a relationship is never easy, even for the dumper.
Eventually, they will look at the past more fondly and those feelings associated with their attachment style will shift towards something else.
When they begin to experience the discomfort of being single again and the desire for closeness and love rises, they will feel a compulsion to avoid that phase in their life by contacting their ex.
You need to read this article: How much space should you give an avoidant?
Signs An Avoidant Ex Misses You
Regardless of attachment style, there are certain signs that someone misses you but in the case of an avoidant ex who misses you, they are as follows:
- They reach out to you repeatedly.
- They appear sad and lonely online.
- They share songs and pictures that have some type of significance to you.
- They ask about you to others.
- They use a lame excuse to get in contact with you.
- They show up at your house to collect something unimportant.
- They appear inquisitive about what you are doing.
- They bring up memories from the relationship much more than you do.
- They reply to your texts immediately and with enthusiasm.
- They appear disappointed when you end a conversation shortly.
- They want to see you or hang out.
In some cases, an avoidant ex may come outright and express their feelings of longing for you. The more an avoidant ex misses you, the more of these signs will be present. An absence of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t miss you or think about you.
Your avoidant ex could be missing you even though they have no contact with you.
As long as there was a strong enough connection and shared experiences with each other, there’s no way that an avoidant ex will not miss you at all unless they’ve moved on completely.
That brings us to the end of this article on how to make your avoidant ex miss you. As long as you avoid expressing desperation and neediness to them for as long as possible, you should be able to make them miss you, provided that they left the relationship due to their attachment style.
I would give this advice to anyone who has been dumped.
You should fight for your love but not to the extent of overwhelming the other person with your desperation.
Maintain some degree of self-respect and dignity at all times. It’s attractive and important if you are to have a chance at a mutually respectful relationship in the future.
There are plenty of ways to win back someone without behaving like you are a hopeless case who simply cannot function without them. Sure, for some time you may actually feel that way but that doesn’t mean that you can’t survive without them.
You are an individual who has importance, strength, and value regardless of your relationship status.
I want you to remember that at all times.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to make your avoidant ex miss you to be helpful, clear, and concise. I recommend you grab a copy of my eBook on getting your ex back by clicking here. It has everything you need to know in a compact, easy-to-understand, and organized manner.