Other than dating a narcissist or psychopath, an avoidant person is probably the most problematic partner to have. In the relationship, it’s a constant game of cat and mouse with the pursuer, being you, and the distancer, being your avoidant partner. When you break up, it’s even more complicated to deal with. In this article, I’m going to teach you the methods I mastered on how to make an avoidant ex miss you.
The most useful tool to have is self-respect.
If you don’t understand the importance of self-respect within a relationship, you have some work to do because it’s the single most important character trait or tool you need to maximize your chances of being happy in relationships and getting an avoidant ex back.
Without self-respect, you are going to indulge in emotionally driven decisions that drive your avoidant ex away.
Look at any man or woman who has little self-respect and you’ll notice that they do the same thing when trying to get an avoidant ex back.
- They beg and plead for a second chance.
- They try to use logic and declarations of love to get their avoidant ex back.
- They resort to cheap gimmicks of moving on in hopes of making their avoidant ex fear losing them.
- They talk about wanting marriage and a future together.
- They break down frequently to their avoidant ex.
I wouldn’t advise anyone to behave in this manner after a breakup because it only makes you look desperate and weak.
Unless the reason for breaking up is because you ruined the relationship by cheating or not being invested in it, then you should not be doing any of these things.
Those are the only exceptions.
For every other reason you split up, there’s no need to behave in the ways described above.
You could get away with some of those things when you are dealing with people who have a healthy attachment style.
But, when you are dealing with an avoidant ex, they will run for the hill.
Related post: Can you get your avoidant ex back?
What Is An Avoidant Ex?
Simply put, it is theorized that every one of us possesses a specific type of attachment style that affects our relationships with people.
There are a number of different attachment styles but an avoidant attachment style is one of the more complex styles to deal with.
By nature, an avoidant ex feels threatened by certain things that make them feel uncomfortable.
The more uncomfortable an avoidant person feels, the likelier they are to avoid or run away from the source of their discomfort.
This may sound normal on the surface but if you really examine life and relationships, a lot of what we enjoy stems from our desire to endure some discomfort.
Committing to a lifelong marriage is something that can be beautiful but also uncomfortable. It requires a lot of effort, love, sacrifice and commitment.
To someone with a secure attachment style, it’s easier to deal with the fears and discomfort associated with a big commitment but with an avoidant attachment style, it becomes a huge issue in their mind.
Rather than wanting to get closer, they pull away.
Avoidant people prioritize short-term comfort at the risk of long-term suffering.
When an avoidant ex wants to leave, it’s uncomfortable for them to experience resistance to that desire.
The more you resist, the more anxious they feel forcing them to take drastic steps to get away.
Related post: Do avoidants regret breaking up?
Tips On How To Make Your Avoidant Ex Miss You
1. Let them go
This is where self-respect comes into play. When an avoidant ex has left the relationship for what appears to be a poor reason that has little to actually do with you, let them go.
You have to exercise a great deal of self-respect and avoid chasing, begging or pleading for your avoidant ex to stay.
The quicker you let go, the faster it will be for your avoidant ex to miss you.
Remember, an avoidant ex hates discomfort.
They feel empowered to get their freedom back and to get away from the relationship that was causing some discomfort.
But, what they fail to adequately factor into their decision is the fact that they will have to experience the discomfort of losing a loving and caring partner.
They have to experience the discomfort of silence and a void in their life that was shaped as you.
Furthermore, they have to experience the discomfort of dating again which is quite an uncomfortable experience in general as well as the probability of rejection.
All of these things can only be experienced at their best when you let your avoidant ex go and not fight for them to stay.
2. Break all contact
Scarcity breeds value.
When it comes to relationships, value is influenced by your availability and willingness to walk away if need be.
The only way to have any form of legitimate leverage in a negotiation is with the threat of walking away.
And let’s be honest, all relationships contain some form of negotiation.
When an avoidant ex is deciding to break up, the only way for you to assert your value and have any kind of leverage is by making access to you limited.
The best way to do that is no contact.
Your avoidant ex should have no access to the things they had within the relationship with you.
So, when your avoidant ex is feeling lonely or uncertain, you’re not around to give them any comfort.
They have to wonder about you and entertain the possibility that you are gone forever.
If that causes them discomfort, trust me, they’ll be contacting you!
It’s in their nature to avoid discomfort and this is how you go about it.
The last thing you want to do is stick around to provide validation and attention.
Exercise self-respect and break all contact.
Believe me, even if you changed your number, if an ex wants you back, they will find a way to contact you.
Related post: Does no contact work with an avoidant ex?
3. Don’t reply to breadcrumbs
Unless an avoidant ex contacts you to say that they miss you, made a mistake ending things and wants to try making up, don’t bother replying.
More often than not, they will reach out to get some validation.
They want to know that you still care about them and that they could keep you in the background as a backup option.
Don’t feed into this.
Make it clear to your avoidant ex that unless they want to come back and work on things, you feel like it’s best to go your separate ways.
Do not accept an offer of friendship if that isn’t what you truly want.
You will end up helping your avoidant ex to move on from you.
That’s self-inflicted torture if you ask me.
If you do respond to breadcrumb texts, keep it short and brief.
End the conversation first and do not mention anything about wanting them back.
Let your avoidant ex wonder where they stand with you.
I know that you are focused on making your avoidant ex miss you but is it really worth it to invest this much time and effort into something that may or may not happen?
At best, you can influence how your ex feels and at worse, you’ll mess yourself up and turn into an obsessive ex.
It’s not worth it.
Your time is better spent on working through this breakup and improving your life in some kind of way.
This will make you feel better in the long run and instill a great degree of confidence in you.
If your ex is meant to return, trust me, he or she will.
All you have to focus on is healing and becoming the best version of yourself.
In doing so, if your ex returns, they’re going to be blown away by how amazing you are.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to make an avoidant ex miss you. If you’re looking to get your ex-girlfriend or wife back, I strongly recommend that you pick up a copy of my eBook. Readers who have applied the principles in it have had great success and continue to reattract girls who either dumped them or rejected them.