What I’ve come to realize in my life is that before you can truly love someone else, you must learn to love yourself. And in today’s article, I want to discuss how to love yourself in a relationship.
Before we get started, here’s something we need to talk about.
Why do you need to love yourself in a relationship?
Well, it all boils down to the perception of ourselves and the way it affects our relationship and life.
If your heart is consumed by personal turmoil and a lack of self-worth, it’s extremely difficult to view life from a positive perspective.
Everything and everyone will never look as good as they truly are. You’ll find yourself less engaged by others and the manner in which you show up in your relationship will be less than ideal.
This can leave you feeling constantly bothered, low and empty inside.
When you’re all used up, what could you possibly offer to someone else who showers you with love?
Most people who battle with self love often show signs of depression and anxiety. When you’re dealing with depression, the thoughts that run through your mind are usually distorted.
Depression has the habit of painting every single situation, mistake or flaw, worse than it actually is.
It finds a way to fixate on the one thing that’s wrong while discarding everything else that’s right.
Living in this way is such a challenge and it can greatly affect the quality of your relationship.
If you truly want to love, cherish and add joy to your partner’s life, start by working on yourself because nobody can give you the forgiveness or happiness you actually need.
Yes, they may contribute to it but what matters more, in this situation, is self forgiveness and personal happiness.
When you can find that within yourself, I promise you, the relationships you have in your life will flourish.
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Be that as it may, this article on how to love yourself in a relationship will actually focus more on you as an individual.
It’s going to take time and a lot of work.
You may experience some very difficult days when all you want to do is switch your mind off and just lay in bed. But, you must fight these days.
Implement the following tips into your life on a consistent basis.
Don’t decide on whether or not to take action on these tips based on how you’re feeling because your emotions may trick you, especially if you’re dealing with depression and anxiety.
I’ve been through this myself and what I can tell you, with certainty, is that the only way to feel good about yourself is to do good things for others and yourself.
1. Forgive yourself for making mistakes
Everyone is susceptible to making mistakes. It doesn’t mean that everyone may make the same mistake you do but that doesn’t make you any less of a person.
You have to remember that a bad mistake, even within your relationship, doesn’t define who you are as a person.
So long as you are willing to make the effort to change, learn from your mistake, make a pact to never do it again and try your utmost best to make amends for hurting someone else and yourself, it’s okay.
You can forgive yourself.
I know that this is easier said than done. Believe me, I know.
But we all deserve forgiveness for making a mistake.
If what you have done is wrong, even within the context of your relationship, choose to act differently in the future.
Commit yourself to becoming the kind of person who will never do such a thing again.
I can’t tell you exactly how long it will take for you to feel better, to feel like you can forgive yourself but you have to start somewhere.
If you’re really committed to loving yourself again, it starts with the intention to do whatever it takes to do what’s right for as long as it takes.
Related post: 8 undeniable tips on how to stop hating yourself
2. Spend time improving yourself daily
I can’t begin to emphasize the importance of self improvement, especially for someone who is struggling with depression or is going through a rough time.
Even if you have low self esteem, making an effort to improve yourself will have a wonderful effect on your relationship. The better you feel about yourself, the better you’ll behave in a relationship and vice versa.
Here’s a list of things I recommend working on regularly without fail:
- Exercise for 25 – 40 minutes per day.
- Eat good food that promotes a healthy body with properly regulated hormone production.
- Do something that engages you.
- Make an effort to be around people you love.
- When your thoughts become too negative, redirect them to something more positive and productive.
Physical activity is non-negotiable. Those feel-good hormones are going to make a world of a difference to how you feel.
You’ll feel good for a few hours in your day and over some time, you’ll feel good about yourself in general
There are times when I battle with my dose of depression and it can be debilitating. I tend to isolate myself which actually makes me feel worse.
Just try to spend some time around people who care about you. They’ll be understanding and supportive if you can open up to them.
When it comes to negative patterns of thinking, I would suggest redirecting your thoughts to something good and positive, forcefully.
Break down, in detail, how good things could be if they work out.
You can do this even if you have fears of your relationship not working out. Focus on what could come of it if things work out long term.
3. Be yourself in the relationship
Nothing makes a relationship more beautiful and enjoyable than being able to be yourself without judgment.
A good relationship provides you with the freedom to explore yourself. It’s a safe space for you to develop into a better person.
Don’t be afraid to embrace that freedom. Show your partner exactly who you are and give them the opportunity to admire you for it.
When you find real comfort in being yourself with your partner, that’s when you truly start to love yourself in a relationship.
I would suggest that you start by doing things you like and talking about topics of interest to you.
You don’t have to pretend at all.
When something is going wrong, it’s okay to share that with your partner. If you like something weird, share it.
Show them the full extent of your personality and it will have a profound effect on how you feel and the quality of your relationship.
4. Keep your promises
If you make a promise, keep it. Understandably, sometimes you may fail to do so but that should be no excuse for falling into a pit of broken promises.
Make an effort to do your best. Show up with the intention to do what’s right. When you can give 100% of yourself to the relationship, you’ll never have any regrets.
On the contrary, you’ll be proud of the effort you make on a regular basis. The longer you do this, the better you’ll feel about the relationship and yourself.
Don’t let your partner down when it comes to important promises. If you do, commit yourself to keep those promises in the future.
5. Be forgiving of your partners mistakes
Some of our biggest regrets in life don’t always stem from our actions but from our reactions.
It’s the choices we make when faced with the action of another that can weigh heavily on our minds.
Make a conscious effort to react with kindness, sincerity and love to your partner, even when they make mistakes.
By not allowing yourself to treat your partner in a disrespectful or less than acceptable manner, you inadvertently start to treat yourself in a better way.
Your self-image improves by treating others well, especially your significant other.
Trust me when I say this, it’s hard to love yourself when your actions and reactions are not loving.
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been in a relationship for a month or 10 years, don’t take your partner for granted.
If you have, change that right away.
Don’t nitpick over the smallest things. Don’t fuss and moan over silly and excusable issues.
There’ll always be something to complain or fight about if you look for it. Change the frequency of your attention and focus. It will guide you towards focusing on the good and the rest will drown itself out.
By doing this, you’ll behave in such an amazing way in your relationship that it will transform the way you feel about yourself.
Related post: 12 ways to be a better partner
In conclusion
Like most things in life, it takes a significant amount of time and effort to see progress but you will start to love yourself in a relationship.
Stay consistent and implement the tips in this article for a long time and I’m more than certain that they will greatly benefit you in life.
More than anything, I want you to remember that you are worthy of your own love. Even if you’ve suffered from insecurities, regrets and guilt from years of bad decisions and bad self-talk, it’s okay to forgive and love yourself.
As long as you are committed to becoming a better person, there’s no benefit in depriving yourself of self-love. But, work for it. Earn the right to that love and it will stay with you for the rest of your life.
With that being said, I hope you enjoyed this article on how to love yourself in a relationship. Please feel free to leave your thoughts or questions in the comment section below.