Through much research, interviews, personal trials and tribulations, failure and success plus coaching, I’ve figured out exactly how to keep a girl interested.
Surprisingly enough, it’s not what you think.
We’ve been lied to, gentleman.
As it turns out, the depiction of attraction in movies, shows and in fictional novels of late are nothing more than nonsense.
The dramatization and cultural catering of modern media has corrupted our perception of what it means to not only be a man but how to court and love a woman.
If you want an accurate look into the early, middle and late stages of a romantic relationship that has been depicted on screen, your money and time would be best spent on watching The Before trilogy starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy.
It doesn’t consist of any elaborate events or dramatized declarations of love.
Instead, what you find is a carefully crafted and subtle depiction of attraction, confidence, chemistry, communication, conflict, polarity and more.
Be that as it may, I think you might want to pull out your notebook and pen because I’m going to debunk some myths on what women want and I’m going to share a long list of things you need to do and not do to keep a girl interested.
You need to read this article: Why is it so hard to get a girlfriend? (Shocking Reasons)
Popular Myths About What Girls Want From Guys
Myth #1: Girls want nice guys
It is not a soft, weak, indecisive, follower of a man that women want. In reality, what women want are good men, not nice men.
A good man may be polite but firm, malleable but decisive and kind but strong.
It is neither authentic nor genuine for a man to alter his every belief, opinion, thought and feeling to be as a woman thinks.
Eventually, that facade will fall away and what remains is a person who is not like what he portrayed.
Nice men have the tendency to say and do what they think will win a girl’s heart rather than being realistic, authentic, sincere and genuine.
Women are not looking for a perfect man who fits the bill in every kind of way.
They may complain of men who are toxic but they are accepting or expectant of certain things from men.
Those expectations will not hinder their decision to be with a man, despite complaints.
In reality, it is those very things that create a desire and attraction because they can be attributed to masculinity.
A woman would have more respect for a man who lives by a code of morals even if that means disagreeing with her than a man who is like a chameleon, constantly changing colors to blend into it’s environment for the purpose of survival.
You need to read this article: Why nice guys finish last
Myth #2: Grand declarations of love wins a girl’s heart
We men have the tendency to lean towards impressing a girl with what we can do for her and how great we can be instead of focusing on how we can make her feel.
Granted, what you do and how you behave does greatly influence a woman’s feelings but it’s not the be all and end all of love.
Above everything else, women care about how they feel about you, how they feel about themselves with you and how they feel without you.
Grand declarations can make a girl feel special and impress her but it cannot be enough to make her love you.
What I don’t like about grand declarations early on is that it sets the standard so ridiculously high that she’ll begin to expect this from you all the time.
You want a girl to fall in love with you and not with how spectacular you can be sometimes.
You need to read this article: Why is it so hard to get a girlfriend? (Answered)
Myth #3: Being persistent despite rejection is attractive
I would be remiss not to consider the efficacy of persistence in any facet of life but there are some clear cases when it will result in more problems and humiliation.
For instance, a woman who clearly has zero interest or attraction for you will not suddenly deem you interesting and attractive by persistently trying to win her attention and validation.
If anything, in this day and age, you run the risk of appearing desperate and creepy for not getting the message.
This is even more so the case when you’re dealing with someone online rather than in person.
You need to read this article: What to do after a girl rejects you
Myth #4: Making a girl the center of your universe is attractive
As I was browsing through TikTok to research what advice is given to men about attracting women, I was shocked.
On one extreme, it was Red pill advice that basically told men to have zero concern with women and on the other hand, it was people promoting this idea that a relationship and a woman should be a man’s number one purpose in his life.
Even if it wasn’t said in such terms, the underlying message is as I’ve described.
This is horrible advice.
What you’ll find is that the sweet spot is right in the middle.
A man should make his woman a priority but not his only priority.
If anything, she should compliment his life instead of being his entire life.
When you make a woman your everything, you sacrifice your sense of self and identity to her and to the relationship.
This has an adverse effect on her attraction for you and the relationship because you stop being the man she fell in love with.
Instead, you turn into a dependent, meek and purposeless man who is unable to lead the relationship, let alone himself.
Myth #5: Letting a girl lead your relationship will keep her happy and in love
Women don’t like controlling men and it’s the worst way to cultivate long lasting love but women also don’t like men who are unable to lead.
If you really think about it, women live in a time where they have complete autonomy over their life and rightfully so.
They’re able to lead in every capacity, from the workplace to the social environment.
Often, leading requires you to set aside emotions and to focus on purely logical and rational assessment.
The only time a woman can get to just enjoy her emotions and to fully tap into her femininity is within a romantic relationship.
I’m not saying that you have to constantly lead the relationship 100% of the time.
A healthy balance looks like 60% to 80% of the time.
To lead simply means to plan and to have a direction for the relationship.
Have an idea of what you want to build together, the kind of relationship you want to share and take the initiative to plan dates.
Be decisive and I’m sure that she’ll participate and take care of you as well.
Steps On How To Keep A Girl Interested In You
Step 1: Participate in the courtship dance
Have you noticed how difficult it is to remain calm, confident and collected when you’re really attracted physically, emotionally and spiritually to a girl?
You think that there’s no chance in hell that you would end up chasing her or appearing desperate but when she suddenly doesn’t message you in the morning like she normally does or when she seems less enthusiastic around you, panic sets in and you turn into jelly.
I noticed that this occurs when you least expect it and then you end up behaving in a manner that is unattractive.
Within a few days or weeks, you now appear to be this smitten and desperate puppy who can’t control his emotions anymore and you blow up her phone with texts and calls expressing all your feelings for her.
This snuffs the excitement, anticipation and mystery out of things.
It actually can ruin the courtship for a woman.
This is why it’s important to dance with her in every kind of way.
When she’s craving your attention and affection, shower her with it.
When she seems reclusive on some days, give her the space she desires.
Allow her to experience the joy and desire of missing you by not chasing her all day or declaring your love to her all the time.
By loving someone in a manner that makes them feel free, often, they will enthusiastically choose to be with you.
Watch how you easily keep a girl interested in you by simply letting her choose you and then rewarding her with love and attention when she does.
You need to read this article: What happens when you stop chasing her
Step 2: Show genuine interest in her
A book that I highly recommend to anyone and everyone is How To Win Friends And Influence People because it illustrates the kind of interactions that make people feel connected, understood and important.
Ask any girl to adequately describe what she wants to feel in a relationship with a guy and she’ll often echo the above.
Girls want to feel loved. Often, feeling loved doesn’t only mean to be showered with praise and affection.
What it actually requires is feeling connected or intimate, understood for who you are and how you feel and special in your own way.
A lot of men assume that the best way to develop interest in a woman is to appear interesting.
To some degree, that is correct. But, when you are trying to keep someone interested, influencing the above feelings requires you to show interest instead.
What I’ve learnt from How To Win Friends And Influence People is to ask questions with sincerity and enthusiasm. To engage someone with adequate eye contact, with call backs to earlier remarks and to avoid judgment.
I’ve also noticed that women love to give advice.
Something as simple as asking for advice on being more productive or figuring out what kind of color suits your skin tone can establish rapport and make a girl feel like her input is heard, understood, special and validated.
Step 3: Seek balance in your life as a man
When I was younger, I romanticized the idea of love and marriage because I grew up in a household that constantly watched romantic movies.
In my early years, I remember a time when we were moving and my mother donated huge boxes of novels to the library. When I took a peek inside, I was hoping to find something fun and exciting like Goosebumps but what I found was countless romance novels.
I just wanted to share that story with you to illustrate how my mindset was molded by the idea of romance from such an early age.
This bled into my teens and then early 20’s.
What I learnt was that it is not enough for a man to fixate on women and romance. If you do, the chances of performing averagely in important areas like business, education and fitness is high.
You may be able to attract women but you won’t be able to keep them.
Through heartbreak and hardship, I have learnt that the pursuit of balance as a person builds skills and traits that are strongly influential in relationships.
Confidence, resilience, communication skills, emotional self control and compassion are but just a few things that are developed by pursuing a life of balanced accomplishments.
Those very same traits and skills can be used to cultivate a happy and long lasting relationship.
It’s much easier to preserve your identity and sense of masculinity in a relationship when you have worked hard to become a man of value.
If you really want to keep a woman interested, be more than just a man who is looking for love.
Be a man with substance.
A man who has tried and failed many things has more to share with a woman than a man who has limited himself his entire life and never attempted to be excellent at anything.
There’s a misconception in the world right now, especially amongst men who are unsuccessful with women, that men are judged by how they look and how much money they make.
That’s a lazy and defeated mindset used to create comfort and camaraderie between men who are too afraid to face reality.
Women are attracted to men who possess the qualities for excellence.
Yes, money and looks can sometimes create the illusion of those qualities, especially with men who just have both without earning it.
But, the majority of men who make an effort to look good and to build wealth possess courage, persistence, confidence, self belief, discipline and commitment.
Those characteristics are not inherited nor are they genetic.
Every single man on this planet has the potential to develop and earn those traits.
The journey towards becoming a man of excellence who can lead a relationship will have wisdom and plenty of interesting and dynamic things to say and do.
A man like this will not have an issue keeping a woman interested in him.
You need to read this article: Why don’t girls like me? (10 reasons and solutions)
Step 4: Date and court her indefinitely
I’ll keep this short. I want you to remember what I have to say because it’s probably the most important thing you can do in your relationship.
If you want to have a long lasting relationship, never stop courting and dating your partner.
Even if you’re married for 20 years, do not let the flame fizzle out.
Water your garden daily and it will thrive and produce the best flowers and fruits for as long as you show up.
This is the key to keeping a girl interested in you. Continue to do what you did to attract her in the beginning.
Pay attention and refine your approach but for the most part, court her in your relationship the way you did when she was just a girl you were interested in.
Most guys will show up during the courtship phase but once they feel comfortable after getting the girl, they become lazy and disinterested in nurturing the relationship.
You don’t have to do more nor do you have to constantly level up the lavishness of your gestures.
It’s about remaining consistent.
If you were attentive, spontaneous, romantic and masculine early on, maintain that consciously.
Honestly, this is the best advice I can give you on how to keep a girl interested in you.
In fact, I would even go so far as to tell you that it’s not even a good idea to do too much after you get a girl.
I’ve seen men turn themselves into pleasers and servants, sacrificing their own identity and self respect in the process.
This turns off women.
There’s no exciting challenge within the relationship anymore and there’s no masculine presence either because you’ve turned into a super love sick puppy.
You need to read this article: How to make a girl happy (18 tips that work)
Step 5: Avoid relationship labels until she brings it up
When a guy is too fixated on relationship labels and cannot contain himself from bringing it up all the time, it diminishes interest.
Girls enjoy the journey of developing love.
When unrushed, love has the opportunity to organically grow to the point when it only makes sense to be together in the most serious way possible.
You’d be surprised at how some of the best love stories were unplanned.
What I mean by this is that the couple were not intentionally trying to get into a relationship. On the contrary, they were living life and enjoying the time they spent communicating and growing.
It’s so much easier to have fun, to create joy and make a girl laugh when you are not fixated on getting her to be with you.
As a result, this leads to love.
The best way to keep a girl interested in you is by allowing some uncertainty to remain during the courtship.
When she really wants a relationship with you, she’ll bring it up.
Then, there’s little to no chance of scaring her off with a relationship before she’s ready.
Step 6: Remain authentic
There aren’t many things that scream insecurity and low confidence like someone who is unable to display their true self.
Despite complaints, girls aren’t interested in guys who have no preferences and stand for nothing.
It’s bland and boring to be so malleable that you have no defining features, opinions or thoughts.
As they say, it’s better to be disliked for who you are than liked for who you are not.
When you are authentic and true to yourself, it will reflect in your relationships and day to day behavior.
A girl may not like everything you like nor will she agree with everything you say or do but she’ll respect you for being true to yourself.
What we know about girls is that they will never truly love you unless they respect you.
In fact, I would argue that this isn’t a gender specific belief.
It applies to people in general and in all forms of relationships.
Respect is paramount in all relationships, especially healthy and happy ones.
I believe that it’s easy and effortless to keep a girl interested in you by being authentic and truthful.
All you’re doing is showing up to the game in your best form and she’s ready, open and willing to receive you.
She is already buying what you’re selling so there’s little to no reason for you to pretend to be someone you’re not.
A lot of mature women who have a healthy sense of self respect can easily sniff out insincerity in men.
You’d never be able to keep a girl interested in you by acting. Eventually, the facade will drop and she’ll see you for exactly who you are.
Strive to be better but don’t pretend because you’ll lose big in the end.
Even if she is interested in your act, would you be happy knowing that she isn’t interested in your true self?
The knowledge of that would make me feel incredibly insecure and it would ruin the experience for me either way.
So, I may as well be who I am to the fullest degree.
At that point, if a woman is interested in me, I know that she genuinely likes me and it becomes super easy to develop a relationship with that woman.
Congratulations for making it to the end of this guide on how to keep a girl interested in you. I spent many days on this guide in hopes of sharing the most helpful ideas on relationships and attraction. So, I really hope that it makes a difference in your life.
What I’m about to say may sound selfish but I think it can make a difference in your dating life if you often find yourself being walked over, not appreciated, rejected or simply overlooked.
Be self serving to some degree.
Treat yourself with love and commitment as much as you would to any girl.
You’ll be much happier and you’ll remain a solid part of the relationship who is capable of showing up for his girl.
She’ll respect you for it and she’ll desire you because of it.
If you enjoyed this article on how to keep a girl interested in you, I highly recommend that you check out my book on How To Get The Girl Of Your Dreams by Clicking Here. Everyone who has purchased a copy has loved it and had success with girls. It’s practical, evergreen, easy to understand and it only costs a few bucks.