How To Improve Yourself During No Contact With Your Ex

Walking away from someone you love is painful no matter how you look at it. But, it’s admirable that you are willing to accept this path. It may be tempting to accept this as a defeat but what if you could use no contact to heal, improve, and grow as a person? Would giving meaning to your suffering provide comfort to you? It did for me. So, in this article, I want to talk about how to improve yourself during no contact with your ex.

In some cases, adopting just one habit from this list may change you. But, from what I learnt about personal transformation, everything in conjunction with each other is the recipe for recovery.

If you can commit yourself to this process of growth, I promise you, the person you will become is someone worthy of respect, admiration, and true love.

How To Heal During No Contact

1. Go to the gym and get fit

After my last breakup, I was devastated. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or work without feeling a cloud of depression looming over me.

When pained, my inclination is towards escapism.

I wanted to run into the arms of other people to numb myself. This was why I made so many mistakes in my life. I had no guidance on how to channel pain in a productive manner. 

Most of us are familiar with rebounding, but I know better than to do that now.

I was told that it is our responsibility to unwire our brains from unhealthy coping mechanisms by committing to growth and accepting that change is necessary.

So, I decided to work out whenever I was upset, and it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. I would exhaust myself by channeling all that pain and suffering towards running or walking. 

I completed hundreds of miles per month and it changed my life!

Not only did I lose a ton of weight, but I also gained resilience, self-esteem, and confidence in myself. Pain and suffering no longer control me in the manner that they once did, and I attribute that to how I channeled those emotions in a healthy way.

Take all your emotions and hit the gym.

It’s a cliche, but it’s effective, and I promise you that it’s something you won’t regret. If you’re already a gym rat, take up a sport instead. Immerse yourself in a new form of exercise that challenges you.

2. Start pursuing your goals

One of the hardest things to let go of is the future you had in mind for yourself and your ex. Most of your goals and plans may have been centered around that vision, but it no longer exists.

Feeling aimless and purposeless is perhaps one of the scariest things I’ve ever felt.

Everyone, whether man or woman, should have some kind of greater mission in life. Even if it consists of smaller goals, you ought to be in pursuit of something other than romantic relationships.

Go for a walk and think about what you could and should achieve that is within your control.

Let them be goals that can be achieved in a few months to a few years, and commit to them.

For goals to stick, you must have a strong reason for pursuing them. 

Find an emotionally compelling reason to pursue certain goals and use that as a path towards the future.

It’s the only good way to navigate yourself through this breakup and through no contact with your ex.

3. Invest in books

There are people in the world who have been through unimaginable things and survived.

They have endured, overcome, and rebuilt after devastation.

Imagine the lessons and wisdom they have to share with the world.

Some of these people have taken the time to share their stories.

By reading certain books and autobiographies, I have learned so much about overcoming adversity and understanding life.

I have been inspired and brought to tears by the strength they display.

Spend some time reading books. You’ll broaden your mind and reality by doing so. Apply what you learn and grow.

Most importantly, find hope from others who have survived and thrived through adversity. 

4. Pray more

I am a believer in God, and when I examine my life, the majority of the issues I faced could have been avoided if I had paid more attention to what God prescribed for me.

And the lessons that followed would change my life profoundly the more I took heed to them.

That has been my experience, and I don’t think anything provides more peace than connecting with the one who created you.

Right now, while you’re in no contact with your ex, all this love is festering inside you without any direction.

Instead of indulging and numbing yourself in vices, why not direct that love towards your creator? Why not pray and ask for guidance? Why not submit to the will of God and embrace the plan he has for you?

Open yourself to the guidance from above, and it will change you in ways that are unimaginable right now.

If you’re not familiar with praying, start by closing your eyes and having a conversation with God.

Pour your heart out to him and ask him for guidance through this situation. It’s difficult to act out of character or to be desperate during uncertainty when you are submitted to the Will of God and his plan for you.

You need to read this article: How to cope with a breakup you don’t want

5. Meditate and practice gratefulness

In a way, prayer can also serve as a source of meditation and gratitude, but there’s no reason why you can’t carve out additional time to clear your mind and count your blessings.

I’m pretty sure that life appears dull right now and the idea of feeling grateful seems ludicrous while you’re in pain.

But, pain is a sign of love and life.

The greater the pain, the deeper the love. How lucky you are to have experienced the complete beauty of love. 

On the other side of pain is a whole collection of growth and lessons just for you that will also lead you towards a future more loving and fulfilling.

Let’s be grateful for that.

And when your mind is uncontrollable, practice deep breathing while clearing your mind of clutter.

6. Practice emotional self control

Throughout this journey of improving yourself during no contact with your ex, the temptation to act upon inflammatory emotions will be compelling. 

Logic and reason flee the building when emotions come raging in.

It is during these moments when we make decisions that are either out of character or detrimental to our well being.

Far too many people have destroyed their image in the eyes of their ex by lacking emotional self control after breaking up.

You cannot reach out to your ex or break no contact every time you miss them or feel angered by them.

It is your duty to learn and understand how to regulate your emotions for the betterment of your life and those around you.

Sleep on any impulsive thought you have fueled by intense emotions.

Give yourself 24 to 36 hours before acting on an irrational but emotional thought.

More often than not, you’ll change your mind. At that point, you would have learnt how to control yourself emotionally.

To control one’s emotions isn’t to decide or change how you feel instantly. It is to control your actions in spite of your emotions. When your emotions do not operate like a robot, that’s when you have gained a deeper understanding of your heart and mind.

7. Feel your emotions to heal them

After reading a book called Letting Go by David R. Hawkins, I finally understood the art of experiencing emotions, both good and bad.

Most of us express, suppress or escape our emotions. Overwhelmed by them, we cannot allow ourselves to be vulnerable but this is neither healthy nor conducive to a happy life.

Instead, what we must practice is surrender. 

To surrender to our emotions requires us to feel them without judgment. We are to sit with our emotions, observe them, and give them the freedom to work their way through us. 

Do not act on these emotions, do not try to change them, and do not try to push them away. Let them be until they diminish and ease up.

If you can do this repeatedly, your body will relax whenever it experiences uncomfortable emotions. This will allow you to heal those emotions and let go of them. At first, you may need to express, suppress, and escape these emotions to cope.

But, once you have coped and accepted that the breakup has occurred, now it’s time to feel your emotions to heal them.

You need to read this article: How to let go of an ex you still love

8. Deal with old traumas

Trauma is like cancer. It can remain benign for a long time and then suddenly attack you like wildfire. 

You have to deal with traumas, as difficult as that may be.

Whether you seek out therapy or find ways to tap into your feelings safely, do something about it.

Trauma and abandonment issues ruin relationships that could have been beautiful for a lifetime. 

Don’t allow this to be the story of your life.

Learning how to improve yourself during no contact with your ex is going to be ugly at times but that’s how you know it’s working.

Sometimes, there’s comfort in being the victim. It gives us an excuse to avoid dealing with stuff that is lingering in the background.

Purge yourself from the emotional baggage that is weighing you down.

You’d be surprised at how your future relationships change and improve once you do. 

9. Learn how to believe in yourself

Over the last 12 months, I have written countless articles that touched on the importance of self-respect.

Love will never exist if respect doesn’t persist. 

So, the idea is that if you want to have a loving relationship, you must be willing to exercise self-respect at all times, even if that means you have to enforce boundaries or have uncomfortable conversations.

But, how does one even begin the process of being self-respectful?

What does it take?

For one, keeping the promises that you make to yourself.

That’s a wonderful way of earning self respect and confidence.

Not tolerating behavior or people who make you feel diminished or disrespected.

That’s another way to earn self-respect.

However, more than anything else, self-belief is the key to self-respect.

If you can meditate on the belief that you are worthy of your own respect and that you are capable of being someone formidable, that’s when the journey begins.

Begin your day with affirmations centered around self-belief. 

Brainwash yourself into believing that you have all the reasons in the world to believe in yourself, and over time, those words will turn into actions.

You need to read this article: You’ll find love when you stop looking for it

10. Surround yourself with people who are independent and positive

Adjusting to your new found single status is uncomfortable and jarring.

I’m willing to bet that a great deal of your identity was influenced by the relationship you were in.

You picked up some ideas from your ex, their preferences, their habits, and even their beliefs.

Without them, it feels like you’re incomplete. Some people ascribe it to the feeling of losing a limb.

You know it’s gone but your mind and body takes a while to realize it.

When this entire experience feels too scary for you, give yourself a reminder of hope.

There will be moments when you question whether sorrow and loss is all that awaits you. That’s when it is of paramount importance for you to be around people who are not only single but thriving and positive.

We are the sum total of the five closest people to us.

If you’re around people who are independent, positive, strong-minded, and hopeful despite experiencing loss, you will adopt their ways too.

11. Be loving to yourself and those around you

Breakups reveal weaknesses and when we are alone, our thoughts tend to gravitate towards self-criticism.

This is when you should channel some of that love for your ex towards yourself.

Be kind in how you speak to and about yourself. Don’t judge yourself the entire day. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness if you made mistakes. Commit to change and remind yourself that personal transformation is an achievable destination in this journey.

If none of that works at your lowest moments, go be loving to others.

It is said that peace or meaning comes from being of service to others.

Imagine what you would feel by being of loving service, not just to society, but the people in your life who deserve it!

12. Get comfortable in your own company

The hardest part of going through a break up and being in no contact with your ex is missing them.

It’s not even letting go that hurts.

What pains us the most is yearning for that which is no more. Nostalgia wrapped in desire is a nasty combination at times.

But, if you can muster up the strength, routine, and mindset that allows you to get comfortable in missing your ex, you’ll get through this without spiraling.

Once you can tolerate and enjoy solitude for some time, you’ll develop the fortitude to handle the pain of missing someone you love.

It really won’t be easy but nothing worthwhile really is.

If you can get comfortable with yourself, you’ll never settle for subpar relationships again.

You need to read this article: 7 Reasons why you need to spend time alone

Final Thoughts 

I’m so happy that you made it to the end of this article. I respect you for taking the time and effort to learn something that could help you during no contact with your ex.

I promise you that this is the best thing you can do to heal after a breakup.

One of my greatest regrets from my early twenties was wasting precious time after breakups numbing my pain instead of using it to grow.

You don’t have to keep doing that anymore.

Use this article to heal and grow into someone even better.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to improve yourself during no contact helpful. If you would like to get my help directly, check out my services page for more information on how to get in contact with me.