After falling in love and spending months, if not years, of your life with someone, it’s extremely painful and difficult to breakup. But, it happens and you are often left picking up the pieces while trying to figure out how to get over someone.
I feel your pain.
Even though you’re feeling lost and confused right now, there are things you can do to get over someone once and for all. More importantly, there are things you can do to find happiness again.
Start by spending time alone, embracing your feelings, talking to people you trust, initiating no contact with your ex, working on your goals and hobbies, dating new people and so forth.
But, before we talk in detail about how to get over someone, we need to analyze why it is so painful to lose them in the first place.
The thought of a future with someone you love is almost intoxicating.
You felt alive and motivated to create a life with your partner that extends beyond your wildest dreams.
What I particularly notice is that with love comes the desire to make your partner happy.
Part of doing this is chasing after a wonderful, successful and dreamy future. So, you pull up your sleeves and get to work. Gradually, your decisions and plans become molded by this desire.
The oneness attached to the pursuit of happiness and success shifts from you to your partner and the relationship.
It’s natural to invest in someone.
Every healthy relationship is founded on a mutually exclusive deal to give and get. Thing is, there’s no switch you can flip to be balanced.
Sometimes, we can love our partner so completely that we forget to leave some of that love for ourselves. It’s difficult to lead a balanced life. Most of us battle with this. But, at the moment, it doesn’t feel like such a bad thing because we’re extremely happy and loved by our partner.
Until we don’t.
Suddenly, sometimes out of nowhere, we find ourselves having a conversation that instantly makes our heart drop. You can almost feel the floor beneath you ripping away and the foundation you built no longer holding you up.
Free-falling into a dark pit of heartbreak is an extremely painful experience.
You feel cheated, hurt, rejected, and tossed away like you don’t matter.
The future you have been working towards suddenly disappears. Or perhaps, the present that you built has been torn apart by a breakup or divorce.
It affects you on a deep internal level.
Often in relationships, we begin to love the true versions of ourselves that are enhanced or brought out by our partner.
That’s why when you suffer a breakup, it almost feels like you lost a part of yourself. Or, you’ve lost yourself completely. But, to feel happy and find love once again, you must be willing to shed the skin you grew within the relationship that has ended.
It means letting go of the idealized ghost of your ex and opening yourself up to discover a new wonderful person who could offer you the next best relationship of your life.
So, here’s how to get over someone once and for all. These 10 tips on how to get over someone are designed to work in conjuction with each other.
After a lot of personal experience, research and interviews, I’ve narrowed down the list to the most effective tips. What you need to remember is that consistency is the key to change.
if you can put in the work for a significant amount of time, you will move on after this breakup.
How to get over someone
1. Spend Time Alone
A few years ago, my relationship of almost 4 years ended and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was in pain, so much so that it practically felt physical. I wanted nothing more than to just be happy again.
I did everything in my power to bandage my wounds and pretend like I was over it. That didn’t work at all. I thought about dating other people but that only exasperated my heartbreak.
All I wanted to do was run from the pain. Yet, the one thing I needed to do most was to embrace it.
Feelings don’t just disappear because you’re busy or temporarily distracting yourself with a different feeling.
It’s brewing inside. Eventually, like a volcano, it’s going to erupt and leave behind a world of damage.
It was only until I made a conscious decision to be alone, accept how I feel and work through the pain of being left that I was able to recover. What’s harder than dealing with something painful is avoidance.
Wishing things to be other than it is will only make you suffer.
You need to spend a few weeks or a few months completely single.
Don’t waste your time rebounding or chasing after someone else because you’ll end up measuring them against a fictionalized perfect version of your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend.
Trust me, that’s a recipe for more heartbreak and pain. If there’s one thing you choose to do from this list of tips on how to get over someone, let it be this.
2. Make A List Of The Things That Made You Unhappy In Your Relationship
During this time, your mind is going to play tricks on you.
Your ex and the relationship you had is suddenly going to appear as if it were the best thing on Earth. You’re going to create a narrative in your mind wherein your ex is supposedly your one true and last love.
It’s not true.
Think about the many times you’ve broken up with someone, felt this way and then eventually met someone else down the road who turned out to be the best thing ever.
The perfect partner or relationship isn’t found, it’s grown.
This means that you will meet someone amazing in the future and with time and effort, that relationship has the potential to develop and grow into your next best love story.
For now, though, you need to remind yourself of all the reasons why the relationship didn’t work and some of the ways your partner was less than ideal for you or the relationship.
I would go so far as to actually make a list of everything on a notepad and refer to it every time I felt overwhelmed by doubt, pain or loneliness.
Trust me when i tell you that it’s much easier to implement ideas on how to get over someone when you take them off the pedestal of perfection they’re on.
3. Talk About How You Feel To People You Trust
There’s a saying that rejection creates obsession, especially in love and romance.
I notice myself spiraling out of control at times when I’m emotionally charged, especially during that last break up.
My mind would enter a state of panic and throw all sorts of crazy thoughts into my mind.
Thoughts that would result in my dignity and self-worth depreciating. Or, I’d end up thinking I need to win my ex back.
Whatever it may be, those thoughts are often irrational and wrong. You need someone who isn’t in the middle of the hurricane to advise you.
More importantly, you need someone who is going to be honest with you. I always turned to my best friend knowing that he wouldn’t tell me things I wanted to hear or shit talk my ex-girlfriend.
If anything, he would offer sensible, rational yet emotionally considerable suggestions to me that would make reconsider doing anything harmful to my progress.
You need someone to just hear you out now. Let that be your closest friend or family.
4. Completely Remove Your Ex From All Social Networks
In the past, it may not have been easier to get over someone but it was simpler.
Once you broke up with someone, you couldn’t just jump on your phone and get an immediate update on what they’re thinking, who they’re hanging out with or how they’re looking.
They didn’t have access to any of these things so it helped the progress along.
They were forced to accept the complete disappearance of an ex because the only way they could see him or her and know anything is if they were physically within their proximity.
I still think this is an important part of getting over someone.
When you go through a breakup, complete removal of your ex from any medium is a requirement.
Unfriend and block your ex for as long as it takes to get over them.
I can guarantee you, with time, your ex is going to reach out to you and if you know for a fact that this relationship is doomed, it will do nothing but push you back to the beginning of the breakup.
So, it’s better to remove them as fast as you can, let time pass while you take all these actions to heal.
So, on the off chance that you do see or hear from them, it won’t destroy you.
5. Delete Or Archive All Images And Videos Of The Relationship And Your Ex
I’m a very sentimental guy so I tend to hold onto things that remind me of the people in my life.
Whether it be photos, videos, letters or gifts, I struggle to let go off them after a breakup.
If anything, I want to keep them with me even more now. What I eventually had to realize was that it did nothing but make me nostalgic.
And nostalgia is a feeling that can trap your mind and heart in the past.
It’s nice, once in a while, but not when you’re trying to get over someone.
I zipped all the images and videos and put them on an old hard drive before deleting them a few months later. I worked my way up to letting go of these things and it was freeing and cathartic.
6. Wait 24 Hours Before Reaching Out To Your Ex Or Doing Something Rash
Before you make any drastic decision that could affect the progress you’ve made, just take a full 24 hours to think about it.
Whenever I felt myself influenced to do something, I would just force myself to sleep the night and make a decision the next day.
Not only has this saved me from making some ridiculously dumb choices but I often found myself feeling differently after a day.
Don’t be tricked by the illusion of urgency during a breakup.
You’re in a flight or fight mode but in reality, all you really need to do is NOTHING.
7. Don’t Pursue A New Relationship As Yet
I made the foolish mistake of re-entering the dating pool like a month after my last breakup and it was a big mistake.
For one, meeting girls who didn’t match up to my ridiculous expectations made me depressed and desire my ex. Secondly, I unfairly compared these new girls to an idealized version of my ex which often ruined the possibility of being with some beautiful and smart women.
Take at least 3 to 6 months to be single.
It’s not going to be easy the first few weeks but that’s why you shouldn’t be dating.
The best time to think about dating or being in a relationship is when you don’t need to be in a relationship.
When you get to the point of being happy on your own and excited at the possibility of meeting someone new, that’s when you should enter the dating game again.
Until then, don’t go out and rebound. You’ll hurt yourself and you’ll hurt other people.
8. Rekindle Your Desire For Certain Hobbies And Goals
Despite your lack of desire to do anything, now would be a good time to rediscover things you like.
You’re not getting hobbies or setting goals as a replacement for your partner or to make you feel good after a breakup.
That’s not the point of this activity.
You have all this time, energy and love to give now with nowhere for it to be channeled. It’s okay to redirect all that attention and good feelings to yourself.
Invest in improving yourself and your life just for the sake of it.
Get a gym membership, play a sport, start crafting, write a book, learn how to cook and so on.
Do things for you. It’s okay and it’s a good thing!
Eventually, these hobbies and goals are going to become a part of you and a contributing factor in your future relationship.
9. Date Yourself
I was so scared to be alone because I feared it would be painful and awful. I was petrified. Until I actually realized that I am alone and it’s not as bad as it seems.
The more I acknowledged this reality, the easier it became to deal with it.
Soon thereafter, I felt a strong urge to do things just by myself.
I went out to the movies, went for dinner, took walks on the beach and visited family.
Essentially, I dated myself. And in doing so, I created a life that was not devoid of excitement and care.
I developed new routines and habits to improve my body.
After some time, I truly started to see some of the best traits I possessed and appreciated my own company.
I found this to be therapeutic and a great way to rebuild my self-confidence and esteem.
10. Date Other People
Okay, up until this point, I advised you against dating other people but if you’ve done everything I mentioned above and it’s been a good chunk of time, perhaps it’s time to meet new people.
My advice would be to meet people who match a certain standard.
- Does this mean they need to be like your Ex? No!
- Does this mean they need to be nothing like your Ex? No!
What you can do is make a list of all the things you would love to have in a partner. Write it down in a list or write it as a letter to your future partner stating all the things you love about them.
Read it as much as you can and use it as a measuring stick when dating people.
The objective of this activity is to rewire your brain to look beyond your ex. You start to date and measure someone simply by your OWN internal needs and wants.
Have an open mind.
Check out my in-depth post on dating tips for shy guys.
You don’t need to fall in love instantly for someone to be worth your time and effort.
Get to know people, spend time with them, let things unfold at a natural pace.
Put yourself out there to make some new fun memories. The rest will unfold in time.
These 10 Tips On How To Get Over Someone Only Work If You Work
I know you’re going through a tough time right now but I promise you, it all ends well. You’ll get past this painful phase and the lessons you learned will make you even better at relationships in the future.
It’s okay to let go of the ones who are no longer here.
You’re stronger than any heartbreak and you can have a ton to offer the world.
And if things get too crazy, you can always drop me a comment or an email and I’ll do my best to offer some words of encouragement or some genuine advice.
With that being said, be patient and try your best to adhere to these tips on getting over someone and a breakup.
It may not be easy but nothing worthwhile in life comes easy.
I hope you found everything you were looking for on how to get over someone.
Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comment section below.