After spending the better half of two weeks researching this topic, I’ve come to the realization that most people don’t know how to get over being cheated on.
You’re not supposed to rebound, hookup with strangers, berate yourself or assume that you could have done things differently.
Being cheated on is not a reflection of your flaws as a person. It is, by all means, a reflection of your partner’s character.
The inability to respect someone enough to walk away from a relationship rather than cheat is a major character flaw.
It represents cowardice, selfishness and a weak mentality.
Not in you, but the person you shared a connection with. And that can take a heavy toll on anyone.
I consider myself to be quite a confident person but I’ve experienced the blow of being cheated on.
You find yourself being far more critical and hard on yourself rather than the cheating party.
To be brutally honest, I don’t know if there’s any way to prevent going through that initial phase of feeling like your self-esteem has taken a knock.
What I do know is that there is a way to overcome this feeling and not allow yourself to be dictated by the fact that you were cheated on.
And in this article, I’m going to highlight, in the best way I can, the fundamental techniques on how to get over being cheated on.
1. Choose You First
More often than not, the person who cheated on you is going to try and convince you that it was a mistake.
They’ll say anything and everything under the sun to defuse the situation. It’s not for you though.
Most of the time, it’s to soothe their own guilt.
I suppose this is just another self-preservation technique because someone who cheats is often unable to own up to their mistakes and character flaws.
At this point, you have to do one thing and that is to do whatever the hell you want to do.
Up until now, you’ve probably made sacrifices for your relationship or tailored your life around it. Even if you haven’t, now is still the time for you to take care of yourself.
Be a little selfish. It’s okay to do so.
I would completely walk away from the relationship. Whether that is permanent or temporary, walk away to maintain your dignity.
By staying, you inadvertently lower your self worth by letting your partner betray you with no consequences.
Do whatever you need to survive and thrive after this traumatic experience.
2. Feeling Is Healing
I’m guilty of trying to run away from my feelings. Almost like a child, when I encounter something that traumatizes or terrorizes me, I resign to my cave and actually sleep to escape things.
Thereafter, I do everything in my power to fix the situation or end it completely.
But, in that entire process, nothing that I usually do is to actually process and work through my feelings.
Eventually, all those feelings pile up and cause me to explode. I end up overthinking everything and getting stuck in the past.
I could avoid those problems by simply feeling those bad feelings.
Think about this for a second – if everything in life has a purpose, then should we not endure something bad in order to eventually thrive?
Do you ever run from a happy feeling? No. Ordinarily, your instinct is to enjoy your feeling and experience of happiness. That helps you grow as a person.
The exact same thing should be applied to sadness and pain.
Feeling is healing.
And I’m making every effort to feel things I’ve run from all my life.
It’s not easy. It’s going to hurt but that’s the point. Because after the pain is a ton of peace and freedom.
3. Put Some Major Distance Between The Two Of You
There is value in addressing a situation head-on. But, at some point, you have to say enough is enough and walk away.
You may want and need answers. That’s okay. Go ahead and talk about it. Speak your mind and your heart out.
But thereafter, when those answers don’t do anything to help you heal, you need to separate and distance yourself from the whole situation.
Doing this gives you space and time to feel everything you’re going to feel from this experience.
But, it’s also going to give you the time to reflect on what you want and how to move forward.
You gain perspective by stepping away to recover.
That way, when you return to the dating scene again, you may feel some fear but the overall growth you experience will make you better equipped to choose better partners.
A wound doesn’t heal if you’re constantly picking at it.
4. Share Your Feelings With Others
Nobody gives you the kind of well-deserved support and honest advice like the people in your life who truly love you.
The ones who won’t just shit-talk your cheating partner but actually spend time helping you process your feelings and heal.
When someone doesn’t appreciate your worth, it’s always comforting to find comfort in family and friends who will always value you as a person.
What I’ve found through doing this is that I tend to get a small taste of what it feels like outside of my pain and suffering.
Having a reminder that good, loyal and loving people are in your life is what we often need to realign our actions with our goals.
Despite the doubt, we do actually get to choose the kind of life we want to lead.
It may not be easy to achieve but it is possible. And it starts by making a choice to go towards the things and people who are good for your soul.
If that isn’t something you can do right now, then write about it in a journal or spend time reading some threads of people who have also figured out how to get over being cheated on.
Knowing that you are not alone in this pain is comforting. The idea that other people have gone through this kind of betrayal and still come out the other side happier than ever is extremely soothing.
5. Stop Blaming Yourself
Chances are, you’re going to experience this at some point or the other. But, it’s a lie.
At the end of the day, no matter how flawed you may be, no loyal and trustworthy person would cheat.
It’s as simple as that.
Love, especially honest and true love, don’t have room for cheating. What it does have room for is honesty, loyalty, perseverance and complete acceptance.
Someone who truly loves you would accept you for flaws and mistakes. They would give you space and room to grow and fix things you may have messed up.
They don’t jump into bed with another person.
You’ve got to remind yourself of that. Despite how perfect this person seems to you, they are a cheater and by default, flawed.
Which is okay, we’re all flawed in some way or another. But a flawed lover of this nature has a character problem that is a deal-breaker.
All this indicates is that YOU DESERVE BETTER!
6. Take Care Of Yourself
Tough times don’t last, tough people do!
No truer words have ever been spoken.
Being cheated on or going through a breakup is tough as hell. But, at the same time, people who manage to take care of themselves during this time become tough as nails.
Nothing strengthens a person as much as adversity.
I remember when I was going through a particularly difficult breakup, I dreaded everything.
I didn’t want to work, exercise or have fun. My thoughts on the situation were debilitating at times.
But, when I decided to push myself to make choices that were good for myself, it helped me develop a better relationship with myself.
Accomplishing things after a tough setback builds confidence, self-esteem and self-trust.
Don’t give any more power to that situation than it already has. By giving up on yourself, you are basically submitting to the will of the cheating partner and act itself.
You’re stronger than that!
So at this time, try and do the following:
- Exercise regularly
- Set new goals for yourself
- Spend time with friends and family
- Set aside some time to have fun
- Groom and beautify
- Do things you love
- Keep working
- Take yourself out on a date
- Speak to others about your feelings
- Journal and write
If something feels wholesome and good for you, then do it.
You Are Not Defined By A Relationship
Always remember that!
Your importance as a person extends far beyond any single relationship. And as such, your life matters.
Being cheated on sucks! But, you’re bigger than it. You deserve so much more than an unfaithful partner.
All I can tell you to do right now is trust the process. Time heals all wounds especially if you take the time to work on yourself and work through your feelings.
If you need coaching or require some advice on a relationship or dating emergency, you can visit my services page and get in contact. I offer email coaching and emergency email advice within 24 hours of receipt.
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