So, you’re absolutely devastated because he dumped or rejected you. Losing him forever scares you and now you’re desperately searching for ways to get him back. Well, in today’s article I’m going to share the best tips on how to get him back.
Before we get into these tips, I strongly advise you to just spend some time calming down and evaluating your life.
Spending a day or two figuring out exactly what you want will provide you with some clarity and peace of mind.
Be that as it may, let’s quickly look at the tips on how to get him back.
- Give him some space to miss you.
- Be genuinely apologetic.
- Consistently make an effort to win him back.
- Don’t disparage him to other people.
- Avoid impulsive decisions.
- Don’t rebound.
- Avoid the blame game.
- Take responsibility for your actions.
- Be kind and loving during difficult conversations.
- Don’t try to make him jealous.
- Use the no contact rule.
- Improve your appearance.
- Don’t chase after him.
- Don’t bring up negative situations from the past.
- Be flirty and upbeat when you speak to him again.
- Handle the breakup respectfully.
- Try couples therapy.
- Don’t stalk him online
Okay, now let’s take a closer look at each of these tips in detail so that you have a firm understanding of how to apply them in real life to get him back.
Related post: Will he come back?
1. Give him some space to miss you
Don’t make the mistake of smothering or overwhelming him with messages, calls, and meetings when he needs time to think.
It’s natural to be afraid of losing him but if you want to get him back, you must exercise patience and understanding.
Sometimes, a man will back off, become distant, reject or break up when he feels overwhelmed by a relationship.
His decision may be further affected by feelings of doubt, uncertainty, anxiety or anger.
But, most of these feelings tend to subside after some time has elapsed.
If you are constantly trying to convince him to take you back, it may have the opposite effect and push him away.
It would be far more effective for you to wait and give him space. In giving him space, he will have to face the reality that you won’t just chase after him.
Eventually, the emptiness created from your lack of presence in his life will possibly make him miss you.
When he misses you, he may doubt his decision to walk away or reject you.
If you’ve chased a man out of your life or messed up in some way, this is one of the best tips on how to get him back.
Related post: 15 proven ways to make him miss you
2. Be genuinely apologetic
If you have hurt him, start with an apology. A genuine apology extends beyond saying ‘I’m sorry.‘
It acknowledges the pain and hurt you’ve caused another and it emphasizes remorse and regret.
A genuine apology can mend fences and rebuild a bridge that has been destroyed.
It’s not an instant fix but it’s the first step in getting him back.
You may have to apologize multiple times before he’s open to forgiving you.
Prepare yourself for that reality because it can take quite some time before he’s ready to move forward with you.
3. Consistently make an effort to win him back
Another effective tip on how to get him back would be to play the long game. There’s no single thing you can do to magically make him come back to you.
But, if you implement a number of things over time, it’s going to break him down and win him back.
Additionally, seeing you show up on a regular basis to win him back after making a mistake or not appreciating him before may just be what he’s looking for.
Effort is a lot more powerful than words.
I think this is especially true when words have failed you in the past and you’re trying to win back someone’s heart and trust.
If you’re committed to getting him back after messing up or putting in too little effort, then this is the approach to take.
Let him know that you don’t care how long it takes to win back his trust and love because you’re in this for the long haul and will consistently show up.
Then, follow up on your promises.
Related post: 12 signs someone is missing you
4. Don’t disparage him to other people
Just because you’re upset and hurt right now because he dumped or rejected you doesn’t mean you always will be.
Don’t let this one event define the entire context of your relationship or connection with him.
If there’s genuinely a chance for the two of you to makeup, you want to minimize any damage done after the split.
The last thing you want to do is vent your feelings to the wrong people and it gets back to him.
You’ll regret this when those emotions fade and you start to realize that you still care about him.
Also, it’s a good idea not to involve too many people in your love life. It’s best to confide in just one or two people who you really trust.
Don’t give people the ammunition they need to take shots at your happiness down the road.
5. Avoid impulsive decisions
One of the hardest things to do after a breakup or rejection is to let things be.
Most of us feel like there’s something we can do to fix the situation.
Our minds race with a ton of ideas and we start to fixate on a specific action that we feel is crucial.
The problem with this is that when you feel some sort of danger, your body and mind enters a fight or flight state.
In this state, you’re not thinking about thriving but surviving.
You’re so desperate to restore things to the way they were that you convince yourself that something impulsive has to be done.
This often ends poorly and people tend to behave in ways that scare off their love interest. I’ve been here and I can vouch for this.
Don’t make impulsive decisions during those early weeks of splitting.
I would advise you to sleep on it and give yourself 24 hours before doing something impulsive during an emotionally intense time.
Usually, you’ll sleep and wake up to realize that whatever you planned on doing would be ridiculous or damaging.
6. Don’t rebound
One of the reasons why I advise women not to rebound after a split is because they’re not ready for another person. You’ll end up comparing whoever you meet to the guy who got away.
This will ruin any new relationship you jump into right now.
You can’t erase the memory or feelings for someone by jumping into a relationship with another person.
This is one of the reasons why most rebound relationships fail.
Imagine that you wake up with the realization that you still love this guy and want to get him back.
Now, you’ll have to face the end of another relationship as well as the baggage that comes along with it.
Additionally, if he comes to learn that you moved on immediately after splitting, it might be the final nail in the coffin.
My advice is to remain single until you have moved on from the pain of missing him.
In that time, he’ll either come back or you will reduce the amount of feelings you have for him which puts you in a better position to start dating again.
Related post: Do rebounds make you miss your ex more?
7. Avoid the blame game
Blaming each other for what has gone wrong will not fix or mend bridges.
It will only create resentment, guilt, shame and anger which will sabotage any chance you have of getting him back.
Even if he is blaming you for something, don’t get wrapped up in that game.
By all means, stand up for what’s right but do not allow yourself to start slinging mud at him because it will always end ugly.
8. Take responsibility for your actions
Part and parcel of learning how to get him back are to learn how to mature as an individual. No apology is complete without acknowledging where you fell short.
Granted, you may or may not have messed up. Perhaps, you both have.
Either way, fostering your share of the responsibility will allow room for healing and growth to take place.
Seeing you in a mature and respectful manner will make him reconsider his opinion of you.
When his anger or disappointment starts to fade, he’ll look back at this moment when you took responsibility for your actions and actually think well of yourself.
This mature and initiative-driven approach will not only help you get him back but it will help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself as a person.
Related post: How to prove your love someone
9. Be kind and loving during difficult conversations
Chances are such that those first couple of conversations after a split or rejection are going to be difficult to navigate.
Emotions are running hot and the uncertainty of everything can make things extremely volatile.
One moment he may be nice to you and the next he may not.
This is especially the case when you are dealing with someone who is hurt and wronged.
No matter what, keep in mind that your objective is to get him back. If two people are drowning in negative emotions and behavior after a breakup, it will not fix anything.
Your goal, at this point, should be to work through misunderstandings in a respectful and loving manner.
Don’t worry about winning any arguments or being right.
Focus on finding middle ground.
Things will be uncomfortable but if you are honest and open with your feelings in a positive way, it will make things so much better.
Even if it’s not reciprocated, when you look back at the situation, you won’t have regrets for handling yourself with dignity and respect.
Also, what I’ve noticed is that couples who have parted ways tend to still care deeply for the other person.
Being reminded of how loving and good you are can make him question his decision. It may also soften him up to the idea of coming back.
10. Don’t try to make him jealous
More often than not, this doesn’t work in the way that you hope it does. Rather than get him back, it might push him further away because he becomes resentful and upset.
Jealousy can be a nasty emotion with unpredictable consequences.
Throwing your dating life in his face just to make him jealous isn’t a mature and upstanding way of getting him back.
You’re also taking a risk that doesn’t bring about the best reward. Let’s assume for a second that it makes him jealous, then what?
That feeling will fade.
When it does, will all the reasons and issues for breaking up or getting rejected just disappear?
Would he just forget about all those things?
No. Then, you’re back to square one.
Also, are you prepared for the possibility that he might do the same thing to you?
Would you be able to handle seeing him with other women?
11. Use the no contact rule
Instead of trying to make him jealous or begging him to take you back non-stop, try using the no contact rule.
By eliminating all contact with him after being dumped or rejected, it prevents you from acting desperate or weak by chasing him.
Additionally, it gives him space and time needed to get over any negative feelings or experiences that motivated him to leave you.
Apart from all of those effects, the no contact rule also facilitates the development of desire.
In other words, the possibility of not ever seeing or hearing from you again may scare him.
This fear of loss may trigger memories and feelings of love and connection.
As such, he may begin to miss you and the role you played in his life.
By this point, your silence will be deafening to him and the only option he has is to let you go or to reach out to you.
Most of the time, men fall into the latter category because it’s hard to just move on from someone you’ve loved when there’s still unfinished business.
Related post: What to do when you’re still in love with your ex
12. Improve your appearance
Men are visual creatures. We may not all be superficial in our decision making but in general, we do gravitate towards those women we find attractive.
Obviously, if he was in a relationship with you, he found you attractive.
So, that base level of attraction was there.
And if it was there, it will always be there. What you need to do during this time is maximize all the key physical features he finds attractive in you.
There’s nothing wrong with posting your most amazing selfies or pictures on social media if you know that he’s viewing them.
Also, if you happen to see each other because you work together or for other reasons, this would be the perfect opportunity to give him a look at what he’s missing out on.
On one hand, when he starts missing you or catches a glimpse of you, what he sees is going to retrigger those feelings of attraction.
On the other hand, investing in your appearance and self care will make you feel a lot better about yourself after a breakup.
It’s a nice way to do something good for yourself that will build confidence.
Related post: How to become the hottest version of yourself
13. Don’t chase after him
You’ve just been rejected or dumped. You’ve made a few attempts at winning him back and doing everything in your power to make amends for anything you’ve done wrong.
Weeks are piling up and nothing is changing.
More of what you’ve been doing will not win him back.
On the contrary, it’s going to give him what he needs to move on.
Space and time apart are essential after a breakup. It gives both of you the opportunity to think and heal.
This can actually facilitate reconciliation all by itself because both people realize that they love each other too much to give up on what they have.
If he is firm on his decision to leave, not chasing him will prevent you from doing things that are humiliating and embarrassing.
You’ll maintain your self-respect and in turn, appear more respectful in his eyes.
Also, it’s not worth devaluing your worth when a man leaves or rejects you for selfish reasons.
You deserve a man who sees your true value and is appreciative of it.
Chasing him if you’ve done nothing wrong will only make you look desperate and weak.
14. Don’t bring up negative situations from the past
Rehashing arguments and bad times from the past will now erase them. Yes, by all means, address the issues that need to be resolved but once you do, move forward. There’s no point harping on about the past.
Address the problems, clear the air, make amends and then focus on the future and the positives.
If he is open to the idea of giving you another chance, this is how you go about getting him back.
Start adding more good memories and experiences in his life and you’ll be able to open a new chapter twitch him.
If you do bring up the past, it would be better to focus on experiences and memories that were special.
Those fond memories will make him reflect on all the reasons why he fell for you in the first place and this can help you to get him back.
15. Be flirty and upbeat when you speak to him again
Adding to the above tip, you want to remind him of your best qualities. I’m not asking you to pretend like everything is amazing but try to be positive and optimistic.
He’s not going to feel a desire to reach out to you or hold a long conversation when you are consumed by these heavy and dreadful emotions.
Work through those emotions, be authentic but also focus on improving the conversations you have with him.
The more positive interactions he has with you post the breakup or rejection, the better your chances are of recreating the attraction and romance that once existed.
Related post: How to make a man obsess over you
16. Handle the breakup respectfully
Breakups can be extremely messy, as you probably know.
Most people, including myself, react unpredictably and say or do things in the heat of the moment that is damaging.
Don’t allow yourself to repeat those mistakes.
The less baggage and drama you create during the breakup, the easier it is to fix those problems and fall back into a relationship.
Don’t allow a breakup to be drawn out for days on end.
If he is certain about his decision, explain to him that you would prefer to give things another try.
Let him know that you’re going to take some time away from everything and if he changes his mind, he knows where to find you.
And then initiate no contact.
Do this when you feel like he won’t change his mind and that your attempts at winning him back or working through the issues are falling on deaf ears.
Because you won’t be lashing out or falling into pieces in front of him, it would be much faster for him to start missing you and questioning his decision than if you did.
17. Try couples therapy
Let’s say that the door for making up with him has not been closed but right now, things are too volatile to pursue.
Giving him time to process his feelings and thoughts would help but what will also push things forward in a good way is couples therapy.
A professional relationship counselor has the tools and capabilities of guiding a couple through hardship and to a resolution of problems.
Things that may be too difficult to unpack alone could be facilitated in therapy.
More importantly, it can take place in a manner that is conducive to forgiveness and reconciliation.
Suggest trying couples therapy with him.
This is one of those tips on how to get him back that I stand by and strongly believe in for couples who are just failing to work through their issues by themselves.
18. Don’t stalk him online
Last but certainly not least, leave him alone online.
Don’t go through his social media, don’t comment on his posts and avoid messaging him.
Unless you’re the one who ended the relationship, it is much better for you to give him space than to see his online activity.
You have no idea what he’s going to post online. You might see things that upset and send you over the edge.
Reattracting someone requires a great deal of patience and composure.
It’s difficult to stay in control of your decisions when you’re watching the man you love, interacting with other women and acting like you don’t exist.
Social media is not an accurate depiction of reality but your brain is not going to deduce this when you are in a volatile situation.
For these reasons, I strongly advise you to stay away from him online.
There’s a lot of information on the net about how to get him back but I can assure you that all of these tips work best.
Your main objective should be to minimize issues after the breakup, avoid chasing him away, give him some space to miss you, work on yourself, address your mistakes and make amends followed by focusing on having a good time with him when he initiates contact.
What I can tell you with certainty is that when a man still has feelings for you and the cause for breaking up wasn’t irreparable, he’ll make it easy for you to win him back.
He’ll show many signs of attraction and a willingness to make up.
With that being said, I hope you found some solace and great insight from this article on how to get him back. Head over to the comment section below to ask a question or to share your experience with getting a man back.