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How To Get A Friend Back After You Hurt Them

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Friendships are hard to come by as you get older which is why it’s so scary when you hurt a good friend and risk losing them. In this article, I’m going to share my suggestions on how to get a friend back after you hurt them.

First and foremost, a sincere and genuine apology is non-negotiable and this requires you to take responsibility for your actions. Once you’ve apologized, you need to vocalize how you plan on making things right and not repeating the same behavior that hurt your friend. Thereafter, take action and keep your word consistently until your friend trusts you again.

When you hurt someone like a friend, there’s always some degree of trust that is being breached. 

Every type of personal or close relationship is built on the unspoken expectation and trust that you will take care of each other and avoid behavior that will hurt the other party.

When you go against this spoken or unspoken agreement, it creates more than just feelings of hurt. 

Disappointment, fear, resentment, anger, betrayal and sadness are but some of the emotions experienced when hurting a friend.

To make things right requires you to address those feelings, take ownership of the effects of your actions, be upfront about your part in the problem, sincerely apologize and consistently show up to earn back trust and goodwill.

With that being said, let’s take a look at these things in more detail to properly understand how to get a friend back after you hurt them.

Related post: My best friend blocked me after a fight

How To Apologize To A Friend You Hurt

how to get a friend back after you hurt them, how to apologize to a friend you hurt

Initiate contact and say that you are sorry for hurting them

When you know there’s a problem and your friend has withdrawn from you, don’t wait for him or her to bring up why they’re behaving differently.

Approach or initiate contact.

If you don’t know why they’re upset, start off by acknowledging their distance or behavior in a non-confrontational manner.

Ask them why they’re upset with you.

If you’re aware of the reason, begin by acknowledging what happened followed by saying that you are sorry.

It’s very important to utter the words, “I’m sorry for…” and continue with the rest of your apology.

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Related post: Why is my best ignoring me?

Explain why it happened

When it comes to explaining your side of events, it’s okay to do so provided that you come from the position of just clearing the air rather than just arguing your case.

People become defensive and closed up when they are met with confrontation.

For this reason, it’s important that you explain what you were thinking or how you made a lapse in judgment due to a lack of awareness or whatever it may be.

Even if you did something that was knowingly inconsiderate, explain to your friend that this is something that you realize and want to work on.

Acknowledge how it affected your friend

The next part of your apology is almost as important as saying that you are sorry. Express how your behavior made your friend feel.

Explain to him or her that you understand how it must have made them feel betrayed, ignored, offended, let down, disappointed and so forth.

By doing so, you’re validating their feelings and this can go a long way in helping those emotions pass.

Most people, especially those who feel hurt, want their feelings to be validated and understood.

You’d be getting onto the same page with your friend and this will make it a lot easier to get your friend back after you hurt them.

Make a promise to do better and not repeat that specific behavior

Personally, it’s not good enough to just apologize without taking steps to remedy the behavior that caused an issue in the first place.

If you really care about your friend, it shouldn’t be so difficult to make an effort to improve your behavior regarding that specific issue.

Even if you can’t completely change something, you can always navigate the situation in a better manner that accommodates your friend’s feelings.

Earn back trust by showing up consistently afterward

At this point, the only thing left is to show up and make slightly more of an effort than you normally would get things back on track.

Trust takes time to earn back which is why you want to be patient but consistent with this friend who you hurt. 

Let them know that you care and are present whenever they need you. 

There’s no need for grand gestures but a gesture or two would not hurt. Be careful in how you go about this because it can be misinterpreted to mean that you’re trying to buy goodwill. 

It may take time but things will improve between the two of you as long as there’s some willingness by your friend to work things out.

What you don’t want to do is expect things to return back to normal just because you apologized. 

Doing so will only make you look like a jerk and will cast doubt on the sincerity and intention of your apology. 

Keep your cool and do not lash out because your friend is hesitant to act completely normal with you for a while.

At the same time, I do not advocate for you to be exposed to abusive behavior from your friend.

Two wrongs don’t make a right so do not tolerate a lot of disrespect from your friend after making an effort to remedy things.

Related post: 10 Signs your friend doesn’t care about you

In Conclusion

When emotions are involved, it can be difficult to regulate what you say and do during heated moments.

For this reason, it’s important that you take just a little time to calm down so that you can exercise patience, calmness and compassion during a conversation with your friend about why they’re hurt and upset with you. 

You’ll find the right words to say and things to do if you remain calm and focused on your goal of getting your friend back after you hurt them.

Like I said earlier, it will take some time but things will improve as long as the bond between the two of you is still strong.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to get a friend back after you hurt them to be helpful and practical. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.

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