I could start this article by claiming that learning how to get a boyfriend isn’t rocket science but to be fair, it can feel like it is, right?
You think 1 + 1 = 2 but that often isn’t the case when it comes to dealing with men.
Attraction isn’t as clear cut as most people would like it to be. Thankfully, I’ve got enough experience to help you out
You could continue to do the same thing over and over again expecting a better different result but failing. Or you can choose to try some of the advice I have in this article.
The choice is up to you. And why I say that is because attraction is highly dependant on authenticity.
If you can adopt a healthier and more refined mindset to dating and relationships, I can assure you that a good wholesome romance awaits you.
The journey begins within you. It has to come from the heart.
If you’re ready to truly learn how to get a boyfriend, grab your coffee and let’s get to work.
1. Know Your Worth And Act Like A Catch
Us guys may talk about how we want a woman who doesn’t make us chase and is easy to get but that isn’t what we respond to.
In fact, when a woman appears slightly hard to get, our attraction level grows.
I hate to say this but we can be like kids in that regard.
When something appears challenging and hard to get, like a limited edition action figure, we can lose sight of everything else and fixate on getting that shiny special thing.
I remember a time when my cousin wanted a spiderman figurine and his parents said he couldn’t have it yet.
He cried non-stop for the hours, refusing to eat and throwing up a fuss to get that toy.
The more they denied him, the more he cried.
He claimed it was the only toy he would ever want. It meant the world to him at that moment.
And that all stemmed from the perceived value and worth of this hard to obtain figurine.
I hate to draw this as a parallel but what I’m simply trying to say is that you are a catch.
You’re an amazing woman with so much to offer.
It’s okay to embrace that and allow a man to initiate the romance.
Chasing doesn’t mean he has to be pursuing you like a crazy man nor does it mean you have to make things extremely difficult for him.
All it means is that you can make him earn your love and attention. And how he can do that is by setting dates, giving you his attention, making you feel heard and having a good time.
And all you have to do is simply reach out to him when you want to see him.
Just be sure to allow the romance to build slowly over time.
Don’t be in a hurry to serve your heart on a silver platter to any man who knocks at your front door.
Make a list of the things you feel you want and deserve in a man and let that guide you.
If a man is blowing you off or not showing enough interest, don’t chase after him.
These are all important little nuances in dating that shouldn’t be ignored.
Your mindset should be that if a man is truly interested in you, he’ll find and make the time to see you, even if it isn’t as often as you’d like.
2. Don’t Chase, Just Show Interest
I feel like I lightly touched on this above but I think many women mess up their chances of dating someone they like because of excessive chasing and pursuit.
There are a few rules of thumb to follow during the early stages of courtship:
- Allow him to miss you by not blowing up his phone all day long.
- Don’t talk about love or falling for him too soon. Be sure first.
- Don’t text him non-stop.
- Avoid pressing him on the topic of a serious relationship or marriage with you.
Part of this idea is to create this unspoken fantasy. When the attraction starts to brew, men often fantasize about a woman and a possible future with her.
By you not chasing, this gives him time to miss you and develop feelings for you.
3. Be Easy To Communicate With
A deeper connection with someone is often created during meaningful conversations.
And yet, the more technology advances, the harder it is for us to hold a decent conversation in reality.
A good conversationalist is someone who listens.
By listening, you pick up on cues that give you good questions to ask. Communication is a two-way street.
As long as you’re engaging him and he seems to be interested in getting to know you, the conversation can flow.
If you’d like, be sure to check out my collection of 100 questions to ask someone on a date.
I remember being on a date with this woman and on text, she sounded quite nice and easy to talk to.
But in reality, she was the opposite.
Don’t get me wrong, by no means was she shy. On the contrary, she was far too critical and controlling of what she thought I should or could say.
I tend to believe that attraction grows when you can communicate with someone in a way that makes you feel good and understood.
Ordinarily, that comes from good humor and an easy-going vibe. In other instances, it comes from sharing a deeper understanding of life and interests.
4. Be Fun To Be Around
As cliché as this sounds, try to live in the moment.
If the guy you’re seeing is destined to be your future boyfriend, why should you waste any time being afraid or closed off?
You can make this a time that is fun and enjoyable for you, just as much is it is for him.
And if things don’t work out, at least you can look back and say that you had some good fun.
So, I was on a date with this woman and it was our 4th date. I was on the fence about the situation because she seemed to be very controlling and critical prior.
But, I wanted to give her a fair chance.
Unfortunately, during the date, she started scrutinizing me about my plans for the future, about marriage, about finances, about family, so on and so forth.
Not only did I feel backed into a corner as if I was on trial but she also expressed her opinions of what I should do rather than what I expressed my heart wanted to do.
It was not a fun or enjoyable time at all.
All I wanted to do was get the hell out of there. I kept thinking to myself that if she can make me feel like this now, imagine how she would be during a relationship or marriage.
Needless to say, that didn’t work out.
Just approach dating with the intention of having a good and positive time.
That good energy will make a subtle but significant impact on the interaction and improve your chances of getting a boyfriend.
5. Look Out For Red Flags
In a perfect world, people would be completely open about who they are but that just isn’t the case.
They say that it takes about 90 days until a person truly reveals their most honest self.
Sometimes, that turns out to be a more intense version of who they’ve been all along but in other cases, they turn out to be someone very different.
To save yourself a ton of wasted time, energy, money, emotions and commitment, keep an eye out for red flags that could and will be dangerous to the relationship.
Here’s a list of traits that you should consider to be red flags:
- He is cagey and extra secretive
- He incessantly avoids sharing anything real about his life and keeps it all about sex
- He is controlling and unreasonable demanding
- He lies very often
- He has a history of being a commitment-phobe
- He is hung up on someone else or rebounding
- He is an addict who doesn’t see anything wrong with himself
As far as possible, be careful when you encounter someone with signs of these red flags because more often than not, it will end badly for you.
I know a lot of women have this idea of fixing a guy or bringing out the potential they see in a guy but that is a high-risk high reward scenario that doesn’t work out often.
Not only is it a testament to the understanding and kind nature of women but it shows that you are willing to give someone a chance to be more than they are.
That’s a good character trait but it can be exploited by the wrong guy.
Continue to be that way as long as the guy you are investing your time and love in is someone who isn’t prone to breaking hearts.
6. Flirt With Him
In the realm of flirtationship, less is more. What this means is that you don’t have to flirt alot or all the time to make an impact on someone.
I’d say that a lot of men are clueless about the signs of attraction.
So you may have to make it easy on him by being flirty or simply stating your attraction.
You can compliment him on something or tease him in a romantic sense.
Once he catches on, and if there is a genuine attraction between the two of you, he’ll reciprocate and make a move on you.
7. Don’t Overshare Details About Past Relationships
I realize that sharing is caring but some things should just be left in the past.
When you share too much about an ex or past relationship, you take the chance of ruining a special moment with a new person because not everyone is comfortable thinking about old relationships.
I remember dating a wonderful divorcee who just wanted to share everything with me.
It was sweet and a sign of her feeling comfortable with me but it had an adverse effect.
Suddenly, her ex felt like a part of our relationship. And that isn’t a healthy situation for a couple who just started dating.
My advice to you would be the following, avoid airing your dirty laundry unless he asks.
Keep it brief and to the point.
8. Have A Life
If you want to meet a great guy who connects with you on a deep emotional level, you have to embrace who you are first.
That entails living a life that feels good.
Pursue your passions and chase after some big goals.
In the pursuit of a great life, you are going to find yourself in situations and places that are conducive to romance.
If you’re a huge advocate of health and fitness, chances are that you could meet a guy who is on a similar wavelength as you at the gym or in a sports club.
If you’re a lover of books, chances are that you could meet a great guy at a book signing or in a book shop.
You have to become the person who attracts the kind of guy you want.
Take a good look at yourself and figure out ways in which you can start living a lifestyle that reflects who you are as a person.
And more importantly, put yourself out there!
9. Don’t Abandon Femininity
Pop culture and social media content have created this narrative that guys want a girl who enjoys doing guy things.
And as much as there may be some merit to this idea, it doesn’t paint the whole picture.
Guys react positively to women who are, at their core, women.
That definition will vary according to custom, tradition and belief system but men are attracted to women who display acts of nurturing.
By no means am I saying you should mother a man, but the femininity of care, softness, kindness, playful sarcasm and sweetness are attractive to us guys.
Don’t look at everyone else and believe that the popular trending ideas are correct.
Look at the statistics of marriages that end in divorce. They keep rising each and every year.
What’s even more shocking is that fewer people are even getting married.
So what you should try to do is look at the small number of married couples who are actually happy and in love.
Analyze what they are doing because they’re doing something that the majority of people aren’t.
You don’t have to look or act like everyone else. Do what feels right in your heart.
I think one of the most attractive features in a woman is the strength she has in embracing herself.
10. Have The Talk
When you feel like things are going right and the connection between the two of you is growing rapidly, bring about the topic of dating.
You don’t have to make a big deal out of it if you’re afraid of scaring him away.
Just ask him this, “where is this going?“
He’ll probably ask you this, “what do you mean?“
At that point, you can tell him that you have developed strong feelings for him.
If things have been going well, chances are, you’ll have yourself a boyfriend at the end of the conversation.
Sometimes, you don’t even need to do that. He may ask you to be his girlfriend before you even decide to have the talk.
11. Let Your Walls Down
This one may not apply to you but I’ve met more than one woman who has struggled to let a guy into her life out of fear of being betrayed or hurt.
If you live your life chained to the events of the past, you will find yourself haunted by it indefinitely.
True strength is found in making peace with the past.
Learn from your lessons but don’t close yourself off to the possibility of love.
At the end of the day, love comes with a level of vulnerability.
But, by taking a chance on love, you put yourself in the position of experiencing true happiness and bliss.
I think that’s the beauty of putting your trust in someone even though you have to relinquish some control of the outcome.
If the individual turns out to be amazing, you are rewarded with love and happiness.
Give someone a chance to earn your trust and to renew your belief in true love.
Read more about how to overcome the fear of being cheated on.
12. Be Happy By Yourself
I consider this to be an important idea because much can be said about the way we interpret situations and conversations based on our internal dialogue.
Think about this for a second – if you are coming from a place of desperation, your perception of events and the manner in which you act will be influenced, biasedly and subjectively, by the innate desire to quench your desperation.
What can be deduced from this idea is that you cannot accurately judge a potentially romantic situation when you are in a state of unhappiness and desperation.
Similarly, if you are happy by yourself and in no desperate need for someone to make you feel happy, the narrative you create will be influenced by it.
One could make an argument that you may not accurately judge the situation in this state but it places you in a position to view things from a positive standpoint.
When you come from a place of happiness and peace, your standards are higher and far more realistic.
This enables you to more accurately judge a situation and develop a connection that is based on connection and reality rather than a desperate narrative.
But when you are desperate or unhappy, the choices you make are not based on happiness but on escaping unhappiness.
The difference is very small but it is significant enough to pose a big problem.
Just because something helps you escape unhappiness does not automatically mean it will provide you with happiness.
This is the same reason why someone who is unhappily overweight will comfort eat junk food in pursuit of feeling better.
Does it make them happier?
If anything, the momentary pleasure is overwhelmingly fueling the unhappiness he or she feels.
And yet someone who is happy with being fit and healthy is bound to make choices that promote that happiness.
The point I’m trying to make is that if you can find happiness without a boyfriend, that’s when you are in the best position to actually get a boyfriend.
Because your life and the choices you make are going to be on the same wavelength of what you would do in a happy relationship.
Here’s my in-depth guide on how to deal with negative emotions.
You Will Get A Boyfriend If…
You start to develop a deeper understanding of who you are and what you deserve in your life.
I strongly believe that there is someone for everyone.
Even if you’ve had a string of bad choices or got ghosted, I am more than certain that you will meet someone amazing.
I hope that by this point, you know exactly how to get a boyfriend.
Be sure to let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.
If you need coaching or require some advice on a relationship or dating emergency, you can visit my services page and get in contact. I offer email coaching and emergency email advice within 24 hours of receipt.
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