Breakups can derail your life. Listen to me, I’m not being melodramatic, nor am I exaggerating. The end of a romantic relationship is not too dissimilar to the loss of a loved one. Your partner will no longer be in your life, and the plans you had for the future are over.
If you underestimate the toll this can have on your self-esteem, health, and well-being, it will wreck you like it has many people, including myself.
Most of us have been there, and we shouldn’t be ashamed to admit it.
That being said, a breakup can serve as a catalyst for change. It can be the very event that transforms the way you live. Each of us will reach a crossroads where we can either be a victim of our heartbreak or change the narrative and utilize our pain to live a better life.
I want you to choose the latter because every great comeback story has a painful event. Don’t indulge in vices and don’t waste your time on social media. Spend every single day strengthening yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally.
You don’t need anyone to come save you, especially not your ex. The only person you need right now is YOU. Take all that pain and energy and direct it towards the right things in life so that the future you is content with how you chose to spend your time, energy, and money after this breakup.
You need:
- Meaningful short-term and long-term goals.
- Routines and habits.
- Feedback to improve your systems.
- A new vision for your future.
- A career or business.
- A strong connection with God.
Act Or Fail
This is the philosophy that I live by because overthinking and rumination on the past are an absolute waste of time. Believe me, it’s pointless. I’ve seen countless people ruminate over the same issues over and over again for months, if not years, without anything changing.
You can’t outthink problems and you certainly cannot outthink heartbreak.
You can outwork both of those things, and I know that people are going to scoff at the idea of working away problems, but what’s the point in feeling sorry for ourselves?
What good comes from feeling like a victim? What good comes from feeling abandoned? Nothing. You can feel these emotions, but there’s no point in ruminating over them because thoughts alone won’t change anything.
It won’t make you feel less lonely, and it surely won’t make you feel less abandoned.
Every time I go through something painful, I allow myself to feel like crap for a day or two and then I get to work.
When you exercise instead of indulging in junk food to soothe your feelings, you end up with a fit and healthy body.
When you work harder at your job or business instead of wasting money on retail therapy, you end up making more money or developing a better reputation for yourself.
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When you spend time with your family and friends instead of chasing your ex or other people on social media, you end up developing stronger relationships with people who want to be in your life.
I challenge anyone who is reading this right now to provide me with a better mental framework for dealing with a breakup if they can!
The key is to spend your life on all the right things and you can start by making a list of all the positive actions you can take daily.
Wish Your Ex Well And Walk Away
Search the depths of your heart with honesty and admit that this relationship is truly over.
Deep down within, you know that you have to walk away from your ex. You already understand that no contact is the only way forward. Not because it’s an effective way to re-attract your ex, but because it is the brave and courageous thing to do.
Walking away and saying goodbye is a respectful way to grieve the loss of your relationship and open a new chapter in your life.
The longer you prolong this chapter, the harder it will be.
It will hurt like hell for a while, but you’ll find inner strength to get through it. That strength is what will catapult you forward in life. Challenges that paralyzed you will no longer have the same effect on you.
You will feel powerful because you will have persevered after tremendous pain and loss.
That’s what you get from doing what’s right for you.
Those who remain stuck to their ex and continue to chase them never truly gain the kind of strength described above because they never go through the pain of complete loss.
They hold only fragments of the past, which prevents them from truly embracing their future.
Say goodbye to your ex with respect, love, and grace.
Then, get to work.
Analyze And Write Down The Lessons
Something went wrong; otherwise, this relationship would have been successful.
That’s okay, and it doesn’t mean you have to go back to fix it.
Sometimes, the mistake was the relationship itself. Perhaps you entered a relationship with someone while ignoring incompatibilities.
Other times, you abandoned yourself and the standards you had to bask in the warm comfort of romantic love.
Whatever lesson you need to learn from this breakup can only be discovered through honest feedback.
You can’t get to this stage without first accepting the end of your relationship. That’s why we discussed the importance of walking away.
Don’t be among those who are reactive to pain and constantly enter the same type of relationship with the same type of person again and again.
It will end with heartbreak every single time.
You have to analyze and absorb the lessons so that you can grow. When you grow, you’ll be attracted to more suitable people.
This works every single time.
Focus On The End Result
I used to think that manifestation was nonsense until I realized that my brain was constantly spewing negative fantasies at me.
I don’t know why the voice and pictures in my mind were of failure and problems I could face, but I know how it made me feel—weak.
Weakness is awful when you are desperately trying to win at the game of life.
It makes you want to curl up in bed, scroll through Instagram mindlessly, and hope for a miracle or for someone to save you.
Nobody is coming to save you.
It’s a hard fact of life and if you are not fighting the negative feelings and thoughts flying through your body, you will struggle.
Am I wrong in saying that weakness is a common feeling after a breakup? I don’t think so. It’s also difficult to voice how we feel to others out of fear or insecurity. Whatever it may be, the only way to conquer yourself is to visualize success in some facet of your life.
I like to do this while praying because the only one always present for us is God.
The struggle of fixing or rebuilding your life will inspire weakness in you if you focus solely on the effort required.
But if you can imagine the result and experience the emotions of that elevated self, you can often inspire yourself to take action.
That’s the purpose of this activity.
Not to eliminate negative thoughts and feelings because that isn’t possible.
Do this daily until progress offers you enough emotional rewards to enjoy the journey.
Think deeply and imagine in detail what you look like and what you feel like by doing all the right things during this time of your life.
Patiently Persevere
I would be lying to you if I promised a cure for your ailing heart within a set number of days. There’s really no timeframe that applies to everyone but you can choose to spend this time in a productive and wholesome manner.
What often makes loss so difficult is the inability to accept reality.
As they say, suffering is wanting reality to be other than it is.
Understand that you will miss your ex and push forward in life without sacrificing your future.
Don’t expect happiness and don’t ruminate on what has passed.
Just gradually heal while investing all of your energy towards God, yourself, your family, your work, your goals, and your health.
Repeatedly focus on these things, especially when the alternative is to lie in bed feeling sorry for yourself or missing your ex.
Over time, your life will change and your heart will heal.
Most importantly, you’ll have positive momentum from positive results that are only possible through patiently persevering through hardship.