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How To Cope With A Broken Heart (10 Tips That Work)

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how to cope with heartbreak, cope with a broken heart, heart broken, broken hearted

When thinking about relationships, it can be really shocking and painful to realize that the majority of the relationships you have will end. It sucks but that’s what’s in the cards for us. With the end of any relationship comes a whirlwind of heartbreak and sadness. In this article, I want to talk about how to cope with a broken heart.

I’ll be honest and admit that as of writing this, I’m in the thick of it. I’ve had a heartbreak a little while back and it’s been painful.

Breakups are so messy. And the thing about a broken heart is that it doesn’t shut off love. It still functions at loving but it’s shattered with pain, hurt, confusion, anxiety, anger and fear. 

And as you get older, these heartbreaks can be more painful because each time we choose to love again, we do so with more vulnerability and more sensitivity. 

So, if you’re nursing a broken heart right now, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. 

We’re in this together. 

And I’m not going to waste your time talking about things like dating other people or just ‘moving on’ because I understand that this isn’t healthy nor does it work right now.

You can’t just skip these feelings or this phase but what you should know is that it’s just a part of your story and not the entire story. 

There’s more to you and your life than a broken heart and you deserve to recover from this.

Whether you did something to cause the breakup or whether you wish you could have done something better to prevent it, you need to know that you deserve to recover and be happy again someday. 

You are worth so much more than carrying the baggage of the past throughout your life, especially if you’re dragging along a ton of regret, shame and disappointment. 

You are going to be okay and you are going to get through this.

I’m not going to talk about forgetting your ex or whatever it may be. This is not that kind of article. Chances are such that you may have just parted ways with someone that you’ll probably love to some degree for the rest of your life.

And that’s okay. 

Healing doesn’t mean you have to forget. 

If you would like a step-by-step explanation on how to get an ex back or to re-attract someone who lost interest, grab a copy of my ebook called Reconcile. I put this guide together for serious students of the game who want to cut through the fluff and get results in their love life. Click Here To Check It Out! 

It simply means that you can make peace with that which you struggle within your heart and then focus on that which makes you happy and hopeful for the future. 

I’ve made a conscious decision to channel all this love and even pain towards serving the people in my life and towards serving you, my readers. 

If there’s one thing you take away from this article, let it be this – Use this heartbreak and all your feelings towards the service of others. 

You’d be surprised how meaningful and comforting this can be in the long run.

With that being said, let’s take a look at this list of tips on how to cope with a broken heart. 

Related post: What to do when he breaks up with you suddenly

1. Be gentle with yourself during this time

Have you noticed how common it is for you to easily fall into a routine of beating yourself up after a failed relationship or rejection?

Whether you’re the dumper or dumpee, you still engage in self-critique and this can turn into a habit without an end in sight. 

Yes, there is a time and place for introspection and assessment of one’s character but not without some degree of gentleness and kindness first.

You’re in pain right now and whether it’s deservedly so or not, you deserve to be kind to yourself during this time.

Your feelings are not invalid and the only way for you to truly grow as a person is to heal from this.

Self-loathing and hatred will not help you to do better for yourself or others in the future.

For this reason, I implore you to exercise some compassion and kindness to yourself during this tough time. 

Speak to yourself in the same way you would to a close friend who is going through a breakup.

Build yourself up and be kind with your words. It matters in how you feel. Don’t berate yourself but be loving and thoughtful.

2. Find the lessons from this heartbreak

As I get older, it becomes more apparent to me that hardship and loss should always be viewed as an event to learn from.

If you don’t choose to find something good in it, you will struggle with nihilism or depression longer than you need to.

So, when I am trying to cope with a broken heart, I pose the following question to myself – What can I learn from this to be better?

The lessons are pretty predictable but it creates a mental note that I am not done growing as a human being.

And for as long as we believe that there is more to do in life, we will remain resilient and muster up the effort needed to push forward. 

Also, the lessons gained from loss usually result in better relationships, stronger bonds and personal development. 

3. Be present with your feelings

Throughout my life, I either suppressed, escaped or expressed my emotions but none of it actually helped me.

This resulted in many poor decisions and prolonged suffering that could have been avoided if I understood how to cope with a broken heart.

It was only until I read a book called Letting Go by David R. Hawkins that I understood how to process my emotions.

Feelings must be acknowledged, felt, understood and released. This means sitting with your emotions until it runs out without trying to change them.

When you surrender to these emotions of pain and suffering, they gradually dissipate. 

And as they dissipate, so do the thoughts that are associated with these feelings. 

The more you practice the art of letting go, the stronger your mind becomes and you will deal with a broken heart in a much more healthy and productive manner. 

Related post: How to deal with loving someone you can’t have

4. Find someone you can trust to share this journey with

What you don’t show usually goes back in. I heard this from Dr John Deloney and it really stuck out to me. 

There are some people who will instantly contact and connect with those around them during heartbreak.

I’m one of those people. 

And, in doing so, I often find myself able to manage a bit better than if I were to keep it to myself.

Unfortunately, there are others who choose to bottle it up on their own or they don’t have anyone close enough to share this with.

I would argue that you should make every effort you can to tell someone about what you’re going through.

Whether it’s a friend online or a counselor,  you need to share this journey with them to truly cope with a broken heart.

There is a great deal of comfort that comes from knowing that you aren’t alone in your pain. 

5. Take at least 6 months to learn who you are and the life you want to create

After any kind of loss or rejection, it’s normal to question things about yourself, your life and your dreams.

It happens to most of us.

When I look back at some of the serious relationships I’ve had in my life, I would be lying to you if I said that I didn’t question everything after they ended.

It takes time to let go of a future you had in your mind now that it’s over. 

You need to create a new vision of a future for yourself and I find that a few months of just being by yourself and getting to know who you are again will be the most effective way to replace the old vision with a new one.

Having something to work for and towards provides another reason to keep moving forward.

In essence, this 6 month activity will help you to cope with a broken heart until you heal. 

Related post: How to cope with anxiety about being single

6. Distance yourself from people who judge you for being in pain

You can’t heal in the place that made you sick nor with the people who poison you. I believe this to be true. 

There are some people in life who do not have good intentions.

They may smile around you and pretend to be your friend or family but they’re actually rejoicing internally that you’re suffering.

They’re good and happy to be with you as long as you’re not doing any better than they are. 

And if they get a chance to kick a dog when it’s down, they’ll take it.

These people are not worth your time and effort. If you can’t cut them out of your life then you can at least distance yourself. 

If you can’t even distance yourself, then I suggest choosing what to share about your life and yourself with these people.

The less they know about what’s going on with you, the better. 

While you’re at it, find someone or a few people who are good for you.

By surrounding yourself with good, trustworthy, kind, empathetic and honest people, you will cultivate a sense of comfort and belonging with them.

They’ll advise you appropriately and you’ll feel comfortable with sharing your feelings which can be therapeutic during this time in your life. 

7. Find forgiveness within your heart

Have you noticed how, irrespective of the reason why someone broke your heart, you feel wronged?

They caused you pain even if they were simply trying to do what’s best for them.

It can be easy for someone to say that you should just let it go but that doesn’t change the fact that you feel hurt and upset by someone you loved and trusted. 

Even if the loss that you are experiencing is because of death, you can find yourself feeling angry with your loved one for leaving you all alone. 

Those feelings may be normal but they aren’t healthy for you long term.

I’ve seen good people turn bitter, resentful, nasty and hateful because they never dealt with those feelings.

Forgiveness is for you.

It liberates you from those negative feelings associated with loss. 

In essence, forgiveness can be viewed as letting go. It is finding acceptance of what has happened without holding a grudge. 

8. Do not partake in any vices to ease your pain

It can be tempting to escape emotional pain by indulging in alcohol, drugs or sex but none of these things help you to heal or truly cope with a broken heart. 

In fact, they come with huge risks and can create many relational, professional and personal problems for you.

Spend any time on infidelity forums and you’ll find that one of the most popular pieces of advice is to avoid all vices while in a state of extreme shock, pain and hurt.

They may numb you temporarily but when the pain returns, and it will, you’ll crash far worse than if you endured how you’re feeling right now.

What you need is care, comfort and safety.

These things cannot be found in vices.

For that reason, I beg of you, choose to deal with this in a safe and healthy manner.

You’ve already been through so much, don’t take yourself further down a path of self-destruction. 

9. Catch yourself ruminating and make a decision to stop

Before I spent a significant amount of time studying anxiety and depression as well as how the human mind works, I was of the opinion that thoughts are random and completely uncontrollable.

I also assumed that when you reach a state of obsessing over a negative past event, there’s nothing you can do about it because that’s a natural state of being.

Turns out, I was wrong and this is called rumination.

The problem with rumination is that your brain is searching for a solution to a real-life problem that cannot be done.

You’ll go over the same scenario over and over again without reaching any conclusion that sticks.

What has proven to be effective in my life is catching myself and then making a decision to stop.

When I’m ruminating, I acknowledge that I’m ruminating and then I choose to end the cycle. I shift my focus towards something else entirely or I sit with my feelings knowing that I was ruminating.

I do this again and again until I gain more control over my mind.

The quicker that I’m able to do this, the less time I spend ruminating and reliving painful memories that cannot be changed in any way whatsoever. 

Related post: How to stop thinking about an ex

10. Turn to God

I saved this one for last but I cannot begin to tell you how instrumental this has been in my life.

Turning to God has provided me with a lot of comfort and hope in my life when things have been dark.

The act of submission, irrespective of whatever you believe in, can be humbling but also empowering.

Pray for help during this time. Speak your heart out and seek better times. Do so again and again and again. 

The power of prayer has been a source of strength in my life and I hope that you are open to the possibility of experiencing something like this for yourself. 

In Conclusion

I want you to know that everything will be okay. It may not be like how it was and you may have a long and difficult road ahead of you but things will be okay.

Your heart will heal a lot and you will find so much growth from this pain. 

Please don’t be hard on yourself while you’re trying to cope with a broken heart.

Channel your feelings towards doing something good, kind and meaningful to the people around you.

Trust me when I tell you that this will give you a sense of purpose and comfort unlike most things in the world.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to cope with a broken heart to be comforting and helpful. If you would like to share your thoughts or questions on this topic, please feel free to do so by visiting the comment section below.

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