Spend long enough with someone and the novelty of discovering each other will wear thin. A relationship can become quite predictable at that point and it may be time to consider learning how to bring mystery back into a relationship.
I think it’s important for us to recognize that some mystery in a relationship can greatly influence how excited and desirable you both feel towards each other.
I read an interesting quote that is extremely relevant to this topic that I would like to share with you.
“Love in such a way that the other person feels free.”
Our intentions may align with this quote but the human mind is such that we easily fall back into old ways of thinking and behaving. If what you are accustomed to is being needy and clingy, then that is what your default approach will be when you are having lazy or emotionally charged days.
Personally, I feel like an expert on this topic because I know what it’s like to be codependent.
I am someone who used to spend all day on my phone with my partner.
If we weren’t on a call, we were texting and if we weren’t texting then we were interacting on social media.
When you’re talking all the time, it’s only natural to disclose everything you’re thinking and feeling. But, when even that runs out, you start opening up about your fears and insecurities.
Thereafter, you constantly talk about the past and future, particularly about your future with each other.
There’s not much mystery left in the relationship at this point.
You both may know every single thing about each other and that may sound romantic but it can zap the excitement out of the relationship.
A lot of married couples know what I’m talking about.
There’s nothing wrong with sharing yourself completely with your partner. It’s the journey of doing so that needs to be fine-tuned.
Ironically, the fix is fairly simple and doesn’t require you to ignore each other or to be secretive and hide how you feel or think.
If you would like a step-by-step explanation on how to get an ex back or to re-attract someone who lost interest, grab a copy of my ebook called Reconcile. I put this guide together for serious students of the game who want to cut through the fluff and get results in their love life. Click Here To Check It Out!
Here’s a look at how to bring mystery back into a relationship with a few behavioral changes you can make right now.
Related post: How to be more mysterious
How To Be Mysterious In A Relationship
1. Stop texting all-day
What are you going to talk about with your partner on a date or when you’re bonding over a meal when you’ve texted everything you’ve done all day long or all week long?
There’s no anticipation or excitement to discuss surprising or fun topics because you already divulged everything over text.
I think we can all agree that the effects of texting pale in comparison to a conversation in person.
For this reason, I advise most couples to avoid texting all day long.
It’s fine if you’re exchanging texts to check up on each other or to throw in a sweet message randomly.
But, save your important updates and conversations for the time that you spend together undisturbed.
Because you won’t be on your phone all day long, your partner is naturally going to think about you and wonder what about you.
This will not only bring mystery back into a relationship but it will also improve the desirability between two people.
Related post: Should I text him or wait?
2. Get busy with your own goals and hobbies
You don’t have to work hard at being an interesting and slightly mysterious person when you are pursuing a life of purpose and fulfillment.
Your time will be far too precious to be wasted and you’ll seek out success, new experiences and growth.
This automatically places you in a position of not being available to sit on your phone or stay at home all the time without doing something of value.
People become predictable and boring which infects their relationships when they abandon life.
By abandoning life, I simply mean that they resort to living robotically and within a comfort zone that doesn’t have any room for exciting experiences and challenges.
Whether you’re 15 years old or 50 years old, you’re never too young or too old to learn something new and interesting.
3. Surprise each other
I noticed that my previous partners and I all had the habit of being codependent. We would talk all the time and even spoil surprises for each other.
I had a huge problem with this because I’d just be too excited.
As much as it was fun and thoughtful to still do something special for each other, it does steal away from the experience of being surprised.
Every so often, it would be fun and exciting if you planned a surprise date for your partner or gifted them something sweet and thoughtful without there being a specific occasion.
These thoughtful little surprises can add a small dose of mystery back into a relationship, especially if you’re married and living together for a long time.
Related post: How to keep a woman interested (18 brilliant tips)
4. Don’t discuss future plans all the time
When I was in a long-distance relationship, it was extremely difficult to keep things as a surprise because we’d always be planning our next trip and what we wanted to do.
It was always fun and exciting but left little room for experiencing things on the fly or being really spontaneous.
I didn’t mind this but I could also recognize that it affected our ability to maintain some mystery in our relationship.
You learn to adapt and find new ways to bring mystery back into a relationship and one of the ways I did this was to not discuss special dates with my partner.
Sometimes, I’d even try to organize a surprise trip or experience whenever I could afford to.
This actually added mystery back into our relationship for some time.
Make a note of these things for your own relationship.
Change things up when you feel like the two of you are falling into a routine.
Instead of going to your favorite dinner place every Friday night, pick your partner up on a Wednesday night to try a new restaurant or activity.
Alternatively, make a list of 20 fun new things that you would like to try together, place it into a jar and once or twice a month, pull out a random item and do it.
5. Avoid constant declarations of love every day
Unless you’re terrible at vocalizing and showing your love, I think it’s best to dial it back for a while and express love at key moments.
That doesn’t mean you ought to avoid it.
The idea is to be authentic and speak from the heart.
So many of us get into the habit of declaring our love as a goodbye on phone calls or while we’re texting.
We’re throwing such powerful words at each other constantly that it loses some of that impact they should have on each other.
It’s okay if you don’t say “I love you” after every single call or mini text conversation you have with each other.
Play it up a bit. Keep your partner on their toes and perhaps tease them instead of your routine nice declarations of affection.
In doing this, you’re keeping the excitement alive and inserting some playful mystery back into a relationship.
Related post: Giving a man space to pursue you
In Conclusion
If you make these changes to your behavior, I’m willing to bet that you will master the art of how to bring mystery back into a relationship.
I just want to mention that upon examining and proofreading this article, I found myself surprised at how important it is to maintain your sense of identity while you’re in a relationship.
Much of the changes you need to make simply require you to stop seeking out constant validation from your partner and invest some time into your physical, professional and social life.
Even if you can’t attain balance, it is the pursuit of it that yields the kind of results you want for your life and relationships.
If I could turn back the clock to a decade ago, I would reinforce the importance of balance and boundaries to my younger self.
I believe this to be what could have saved me from a lot of heartaches and failed relationships.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to bring mystery back into a relationship to be practical and useful to you. If you have any questions or thoughts, please feel free to share them with me in the comment section below.