Marriage can be an extremely wonderful experience if you know how to be a good husband.
More often than not, marriages end for reasons that could have been solved and fixed with a few changes in behavior.
Unfortunately, by the time most men figure out where they’ve gone wrong, it’s too late. Their marriage has dissolved and they’re left with a ton of heartbreak and regret.
This doesn’t have to be the case for you.
The following tips on how to be a better husband could help fix your marriage and keep it healthy. Before we get started, here’s a quick overview of all the tips on how to be a better husband.
- Always make time for your wife.
- Keep courting your wife.
- Be spontaneous and romantic.
- Pay attention to her needs.
- Don’t take her for granted.
- Be her pillar of support.
- Maintain a healthy distance from other women.
- Treat her like she’s your main priority.
- Avoid lying to her.
- Shake things up in the bedroom.
- Encourage her to try new things with you.
- Leave your work problems in the office.
- Ask her to rate you as a partner once a month.
- Get some alone time with her.
- Help her with the kids and chores.
- Avoid blaming her for silly things.
- Take care of yourself.
- Give her some space.
- Understand yourself.
- Communicate effectively.
- Be more open about finances.
- Remember her birthday and your anniversary.
- Have couple-goals.
- Don’t be insecure and overcontrolling.
- Don’t compare your wife or life to others.
With that being said, let’s explore each of these tips on how to be a better husband in detail.
1. Always make time for your wife.
Here’s something I realized a long time ago – life never slows down. The perfect time to be present for the ones you love doesn’t exist.
You have to make the time and I cannot emphasize how important that is in a marriage.
You know what I’m talking about.
You both may be living under the same roof but living different lives. Don’t allow the rat race of life to completely steal you away from that and those which matter most to you.
Make some time in your day to be with your wife.
Ask her how’s she doing, what’s on her mind and if there’s anything you can do to help her.
She’ll absolutely love this about you. Trust me!
2. Keep courting your wife.
Given that you’re married, it’s not uncommon for that novelty of being with your partner to wear off.
It happens to everyone.
But, romance and love require fuel. Feed the soil that homes the tree and it will thrive.
The things you did to make your wife fall in love with you are the things you should continue to do to keep her in love with you.
Don’t change into an unromantic slouch now that you’ve put a ring on her finger.
Related post: The art of how to win a girls heart
3. Be spontaneous and romantic.
Live with someone for long enough and the monotony of routine will creep up on you.
That’s when it becomes imperative for you to mix things up and add excitement to your relationship.
Go out to new places. Surprise your wife with romantic texts or calls. Buy her flowers and chocolates when she least expects it.
It’s these little gestures that keep the romance alive.
4. Pay attention to her needs.
What she needs from you before marriage will obviously change after marriage.
Take a moment to ask her what she needs and be willing to hear what she says.
A lot of men get annoyed at their wives for constantly complaining but what they don’t realize is that they put her in that position. If they were to make her feel heard and understood, things would be vastly different and she would not need to complain.
5. Don’t take her for granted.
A good wife is bound to do a lot to help, support and love her husband.
In fact, if we’re being honest, women become the backbone of any household. The soul of the family.
Noticing and appreciating her efforts will go a long way in making her feel happy. Notice what she does, be grateful and graceful. Thank her and spoil her for all of her contributions.
6. Be her pillar of support.
In a healthy marriage, partners support and nurture each other through times of trials and tribulations.
When your wife is going through a tough time, be her sounding board and support structure.
She may not even need you to do anything other than supporting her as she attempts to deal with an obstacle. Be there for her.
Let her know you’re rooting for her and she has someone to catch her if she falls.
7. Maintain a healthy distance from other women.
To avoid unnecessary problems, temptation and drama in your love life, draw a line between you and other women.
Don’t be overly friendly and don’t put yourself in a position of compromising your marriage.
Find out what your wife is comfortable with and try to respect that. The last thing you want to do is plant doubt in her mind. It will corrode the very foundation of your marriage.
8. Treat her like she’s your main priority.
In my culture, it’s still considered obligatory for the husband to provide for his wife with whatever she needs.
We are expected to treat her with the same level of love and respect that her father did or would. I think this is something that seems to be missing in modern Western culture if I’m being brutally honest. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone though.
The ones who are actually happily married encompass this sort of approach in their life and it works wonders.
The others seem to be caught up in a narrative that doesn’t actually facilitate happiness within a marriage.
9. Avoid lying to her.
Trust is at the very core of any and all relationships.
Without trust, you have nothing. The relationship is doomed to fail at the first sign of trouble.
Don’t lie to your wife about things. Be honest and own up to a mistake.
Most of the time, it isn’t the action itself that ends a marriage but the lack of honesty.
10. Shake things up in the bedroom.
For a marriage to thrive, a healthy love life is instrumental. Start off by courting your wife and being intimate more often.
Thereafter, focus on ways to spice things up to make your love life more interesting, exciting and fun.
Speak to her about this. Put the ego aside and ask her of ways in which you can satisfy her more.
What she suggested may just be as satisfying for you as much as it is for her.
11. Encourage her to try new things with you.
Routines can be amazing but they always come with the risk of monotony and boredom.
Falling into a comfort zone can and will suck the excitement of life out of you. To avoid this, you must try new and exciting things.
Focus on self-development and encourage your wife to join you. Together, you can have fun, grow as individuals and develop a better understanding of each other as a team.
12. Leave your work problems in the office.
There’s really nothing you can do about your office problems outside of the office.
And yet, many men bring their work problems home and allow it to distract them from their wives and children.
So now both their profession and personal life suffer. It’s not worth it.
You must make a conscious decision to compartmentalize the two in order to enjoy your life.
13. Ask her to rate you as a partner once a month.
Some of us guys tend to remain oblivious to the signs of attraction all our lives.
If that’s you, then a more direct and simple approach may help you be a better partner.
Try this little marriage exercise – Once a week, ask your wife to rate you as a partner from 1 – 10 and why.
Thereafter, ask her what she would have liked from you. Based on what she says, you can adjust your behavior to make up for your deficits.
14. Get some alone time with her.
Nothing builds intimacy, maintains good feelings and promotes affection like one on one time with the person you love.
Being able to step away from the demands of everyday life to connect with your wife will do wonders for your marriage.
At least once a week, make it a priority to be a normal couple.
Even if that means getting a babysitter for the kids or skipping a gym session, do it for the sake of your marriage.
Related post: 50 date ideas that are fun and romantic
15. Help her with the kids and chores.
Wives and mothers are undervalued in society. You will never find anyone who works as hard as a wife and mother. She takes on so many responsibilities and it can be a lot to deal with.
This is true whether she has a career or is a stay-at-home mom.
Help her as much as you can.
I understand if you’re tired from a hard day’s work at the office but if you try to make her life just a bit easier, she’d move mountains to do the same for you.
You have no idea the level of love and respect a wife can have for a husband who tries to make her life easier.
16. Avoid blaming her for silly things.
Playing the blame game is a quick way of ruining the fun and romance in any relationship.
Every couple fights. Every couple has bad times. Everyone in a relationship can be blamed for doing something wrong.
Blame itself does nothing positive for a relationship.
It is far more effective to focus on resolving an issue than shaming your wife.
The next time your wife does something you can blame her for, opt not to.
Instead, explain to her how it made you feel and give her the opportunity to make up for it.
She’s probably already feeling about it, adding blame will just make the situation worse.
And if I’m being honest, there’s a reason why most men say that even when she’s wrong, she’s right. There’s wisdom to that statement.
Try to remember this – Attack the problem, not the person.
17. Take care of yourself.
Just because you managed to buckle her doesn’t mean you can get a free pass for letting yourself go.
Try to maintain or improve the way you groom and look after yourself even after many years of marriage.
Don’t give your wife a reason to lose attraction for you.
You already have to compete with aging, don’t add a host of other unattractive characteristics to the situation. In the long run, this will benefit you in many ways, especially in the bedroom.
18. Give her some space.
Despite what anyone says, space is important, even within a marriage.
Your wife should have some time to herself. This will allow her to relax, focus on her individuality and miss you.
Space and time away also promotes positive feelings of attraction and desire.
It’s also an effective way of letting her blow off some steam.
I suppose I should make a disclaimer that this tip only applies to husbands who spend enough time with their wives.
If you’re always at work or off on business trips, your marriage could probably benefit from some extra time spent with your spouse.
19. Understand yourself.
A man who has a firm understanding of who he is and what he needs in life is a better communicator than one who does not.
Not only will this make you feel more at ease with yourself but it equips you with the knowledge on how to effectively communicate your needs to your wife.
As such, both of you are going to be happier and more in love.
I encourage you to invest more of yourself into self-development. By growing into a better man, it will reflect on your marriage.
20. Communicate effectively.
A breakdown of communication is probably part of the top three reasons why most marriages fail.
It may feel uncomfortable to set aside your ego at times but it is important to try.
By being vulnerable, you can open up to your wife with words and help her understand your point of view.
With consistent work, you can improve your ability to communicate with your wife in a respectful, open and loving way.
I think this tip closely ties into what I said above about understanding yourself. Rather than blowing your fuse whenever you’re upset or hurt, try to identify and understand those feelings.
You’ll have an incredibly easier time sharing those feelings with your partner thereafter. That, in and of itself, will close the gap between your wife and yourself.
Related post: How to tell someone you love them
21. Be more open about finances.
Unfortunately, financial troubles are another popular reason why marriages fall apart.
With good women, it’s not the fact that you have financial issues but the fact that you hide it, lie about it, or refuse to see reason about it that becomes a problem.
At the very least, as a husband, you have a responsibility to take care of your wife just as much as she is responsible to take care of you.
It’s an equal split of care and effort.
If your actions sabotage the marriage, particularly with respect to finances, then you have to rectify that mistake. Start by being more inclusive when it comes to making financial decisions that may affect your marriage.
22. Remember her birthday and your anniversary.
For most women, remembering special occasions is a testament to caring. It shows her that you value her as a person and her presence in your life.
Get in the habit of celebrating your marriage.
When you can develop a healthy bond and relationship with your wife, it becomes infinitely easier to remember and celebrate important occasions. You may even look forward to it more than she does.
23. Have couple goals.
Complacency and the comfort zone cause unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life. If you’re not growing, you’re dying.
This is why it’s so important for all couples to develop goals individually and collectively.
Having shared goals is the perfect driver for building teamwork, developing better communication and building a life that you both dream of. Couple goals tend to prevent couples from drifting apart much or outgrowing each other.
What I also tend to notice is that couples who work on relationship goals together tend to develop a better understanding of conflict resolution.
Draw up a list of 100 things to do and experience with your partner. This can be a fun exercise you partake in during date night while you’re waiting for the food to be prepared.
It’s a fun and enjoyable list to make with your partner.
24. Don’t be insecure and overcontrolling.
It really saddens me to see men with insecurities and control issues hold their women back from growing and being successful.
Marriage is not a prison sentence.
As long as the relationship is not hindered or disrespected, she should be able to pursue her goals and dreams. Don’t be the type of husband who steals the joy of life out of a relationship.
25. Don’t compare your life or wife to others.
Comparison is the thief of joy and satisfaction. We live in a time when social media and people create this false narrative that feeds into the grass is greener syndrome.
If you get caught up in this, you will find yourself perpetually dissatisfied with your life and wife.
Unfortunately, this will influence you to act like a subpar husband. Only when you lose your wife will it dawn on you that she was actually amazing and what you thought would be better doesn’t resonate with you in reality.
I have left social networking sites and apps for a while now and it has had a tremendously wonderful effect on my relationship and life as a whole.
Be grateful for what and who you have. Count your blessings daily and you will barely ever feel diminished.
How to save your marriage in 90 days
I came across this principle from Dr. John Bergman and I absolutely loved it. Essentially, behave like the best spouse for 90 days.
Treat your wife better than you ever have before. Irrespective of her behavior or demeanor, mobilize the tips in this article and focus on being the best husband you can be.
By the end of 90 days, one of two things will happen:
- You will end up having the best marriage ever.
- You will be able to walk away without a single regret.
If you ask me, those two outcomes are better than anything else you could ask for.
Give it a try for just 90 days and it will absolutely change your life.
Do everything in your power to be a better partner and to make your marriage work. Be consistent and patient. By the end of 90 days, you’ll have an outcome you can live with.
Before wrapping up, I just want to remind you of how short life is.
You don’t get many chances to have a loving and amazing relationship. If you truly cherish your wife, make an effort to actually cherish her.
To love, respect, cherish, trust and inspire requires action.
Show her how important she is to you. Not just when things go bad! Be the kind of husband whom she can’t get enough of right now.
It’s not too late to turn things around. The fact that you are reading this article is testament to that fact.
Take what you have read and mobilize these tips immediately. As the compound effect takes place, your marriage will visibly improve. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort but trust me when I tell you that it is worth it.
With that being said, I’d love to hear your thoughts on how to be a better husband in the comment section below. Let’s keep the conversation going.
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