With the beginning of a new year comes the opportunity for new experiences and new love to enter our lives. Perhaps we already have love, but we still have a chance to nurture it into something greater. This is why I want to talk about the future of dating and relationships in 2023.
I won’t lie to you and say that it has gotten easier to find love.
Sure, we are more connected to each other, but the challenges we face are more complex and difficult than ever before.
To ensure that we have the best chance to find or cultivate deep love, I want to share some helpful tips on how to approach dating and relationships this year.
You need to read this article: How to cope with a breakup you don’t want.
Tips On Dating And Relationships In 2023
1. Be selective about who you allow into your life.
Let go of the idea that you can fix hurt or damaged people.
It’s not your job to heal someone.
If anything, you will find yourself damaged or hurt by that person.
Far too often, we view potential as a metric to determine eligibility for love.
This influences us to end up in relationships with people who may never live up to their potential or our perception of their potential.
Don’t date for potential.
Either someone is suitable for you right now, as they are, or they aren’t.
Don’t try to change them, fix them, or ignore who they really are.
Instead, make a clear list of what you are looking for in a person. Then, become that person so that you are able to spot someone who meets that criteria.
In our brain, we have something called the Reticular Activating System.
The RAS notices something we are focused on.
So, if you are focused on a blue car, the RAS will begin to help you spot other blue cars around you.
Similarly, if you are focused on becoming a loyal, independent, honest, kind, compassionate, and competent individual, your RAS is going to draw your attention to people who are trying to do the same.
That’s how you level up the kind of people who are in your life.
Also, learn how to reject those who are not suitable for you in a respectful and kind manner.
You need to read this article: How to tell if someone is using you emotionally.
2. Abandon beliefs that sabotage you.
Since beginning therapy over a year ago, I have been astounded to learn about the beliefs that have been ruining my life.
I didn’t pay much attention to these thoughts or beliefs or how they influenced me around people until then.
But, the difference between someone who attracts higher-quality partners versus someone who doesn’t can be traced directly to beliefs.
We will only tolerate what we believe we deserve.
When you absorb or develop self-sabotaging beliefs from a young age, they influence your attraction to and desire for certain people without you even realizing it.
Ever since I exposed my own toxic beliefs, my taste in partners has changed.
I am no longer attracted to or interested in the same people. And I have noticed that the people who are allowed into my circle tend to be much kinder, honest, and compassionate.
Do your beliefs make it difficult for you to make wiser dating decisions, let love into your life, feel dependable in your commitments, or savor your relationships?
If so, then it is time to identify these beliefs and purge them from your mind by replacing them with healthier and smarter ones on a daily basis.
Here’s a list of toxic beliefs that are sabotaging you romantically:
- I’m not good looking enough.
- I need to be rich to find love.
- I have to do things I’m not ready for to keep a man or woman happy.
- I don’t deserve to find the kind of person I want.
- I am incapable of loving or being loved.
- I don’t know how to be loyal or faithful.
- All men or women cheat.
- There’s always someone better out there.
- I don’t deserve to be with someone who wants and respects me.
- I need drama in my life to be excited and happy.
- I can only get a man or woman if I give myself physically to whoever comes my way.
Make a list of beliefs that will serve you better and repeat them on a daily basis until they become a part of your subconscious mind.
When you run into a situation that requires you to rely on your beliefs, actively choose the belief that makes you feel powerful and secure.
This is what worked for me, and I am certain that it will work for you.
3. Be fiercely protective of your time.
As much as it’s important to prioritize romantic love, it can be detrimental to your wellbeing if it’s your only objective.
Also, giving your time away to people who do not deserve it is ultimately a waste of your time.
This was something I learned in therapy.
I was advised to be fiercely protective of my time. This meant rejecting certain offers to hang out with people who were unhealthy for me. This also meant avoiding activities that pushed me further away from the type of person I wanted to be and the kind of life I wanted to live.
- Is there a type of person you allow into your life who wastes your time?
- Are you spending too much time on romantic relationships instead of on your purpose in life?
- Do you give more of your time away to others and not enough to yourself?
Meditate on these questions and give your time to people and things that enrich your life.
You need to read this article: How to end the fearful avoidant chase.
4. Don’t allow romantic love to monopolize your entire life.
It is so difficult to maintain your sense of identity when you pedestalize romantic love.
Honestly, this is something that I have grappled with for many years.
I would constantly be dating or looking for my next serious relationship. It monopolized most of my thoughts and time.
Whenever I’d actually find someone, I’d get so wrapped up in them that my codependency issues would flare up.
This is a terrible way to show up in a relationship.
Rather than giving your time, energy, and love from a place of power and generosity, you are driven by an incessant need for romantic love.
It ruins the spark in a relationship, and while this happens, your sense of identity crumbles until you are nothing more than a participant in your relationship.
Your partner ends up feeling lonely or like they are with someone who is overwhelmingly needy and dependent.
When those relationships end, your entire life falls apart with it and you are left with very little because you weren’t working on your own needs and purpose in life.
Going forward, let’s prioritize love in a detached manner.
In other words, allow love to find us by not chasing after it so ferociously.
Build a relationship with yourself before you sink your teeth into romantic love again.
5. Continue to develop your identity as an individual.
I want to flesh out this idea of personal development because I think it is the most important thing we can focus on.
I’ve noticed that the best relationships are nurtured between people who have an abundance of love to give.
They have spent so much time working on themselves and generating love within themselves that love spills out of them often.
Ironically, they end up attracting partners who are in a similar state.
What do you have to share with another person? I’m not even referring to material possessions. As a person, what do you have to share?
- Are you abundant with love?
- Are you exploding with positivity and understanding?
- Are you a curious person who has much to share intellectually?
- Are you wise?
- Are you mature and safe?
Before you can truly share yourself with someone else, give to yourself. Spend time, energy, love, and effort toward creating abundance for yourself.
Watch how your life changes as you change and grow as a person.
When you are ready, believe me, that’s when love will cross paths with you.
6. Be clear about your intentions with others and with yourself.
If you lie, deceive, and cheat, you’ll put yourself in a position to make excuses for people who do the same to you.
You won’t be able to reject or remove people from your life who are dishonorable because you would be forced to reject yourself.
That’s the dangerous game we play by indulging in deceitful behavior.
Instead, behave with integrity.
Let your intentions be known.
Even if it isn’t what the other person is looking for, be honest and upfront with them.
It may cost you that person, but in the long run, you will save yourself and others from unnecessary heartache and pain.
At the same time, practice honesty with yourself.
Of all people, we are most capable of lying to ourselves. Ironically, we can’t outrun our own lies. This is what creates so much anxiety and depression within us.
We need to be more honest and open with ourselves and others.
It’s the loving and respectful thing to do.
And what we know about love is that it can only exist when respect persists.
7. Be intolerant of people who are disrespectful.
We touched on being selective about who you allow into your life, but the truth is that sometimes people change.
Other times, they hide who they truly are for a long time.
I’ve learned that it is our responsibility to enforce the boundaries we have.
If your partner is violating your boundaries or being blatantly disrespectful to you, it is of paramount importance to express your boundaries and enforce them.
For example, if you are uncomfortable with your partner meeting an ex alone, let it be known.
Express your boundary, and if your partner ignores it, you have to enforce it by ending the relationship or walking away.
What you cannot do is allow your boundaries to be broken without this type of consequence.
Don’t fight or do anything silly.
The greatest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.
Remember, love cannot exist in a place without respect.
8. Respectfully decline people who do not meet your standards.
Sometimes, you are going to meet really wonderful or sweet people, but they don’t meet your standards in a significant way.
If something is a dealbreaker for you, don’t ignore it.
This is not about settling.
It’s about being realistic. If something is a non-negotiable standard for you, there’s no way that it won’t bother you if it isn’t met.
You can’t place an expectation on someone to change something that is beyond their control.
At the same time, you are doing a disservice to them.
They deserve to be with someone who perceives them in the best light.
So, rather than wasting your time and their time, learn how to respectfully reject people. Be kind about it. Don’t insult them or highlight their flaws.
Be gentle and considerate, but be clear.
9. Invest deeply in loyalty.
I don’t care what you’ve done in the past.
You get to start over and do better every single day.
If you decide that you want to be a person of integrity and your priority is loyalty, then be that person.
Make a commitment to others and keep your word.
That is a fantastic thing we can do for our relationships.
But, also, let’s keep the promises we make to ourselves.
I don’t think most of us want to be deceitful, nor do we want to intentionally harm or let down someone we care about.
So, let’s channel that care into being honorable and loyal.
You will never regret being loyal, but you will always regret being deceitful.
Character is destiny, so if you want to be destined for true love, it’s time to commit to a character that deserves it.
You need to read this article: What is considered cheating in a relationship?
10. Limit the influence of social media on your perception of people and relationships.
Let’s give each other a fair chance without constant comparison.
Essentially, let’s not view every person we meet as an option that needs to be measured against the other options we see online.
This is ruining your chances at connecting with a wonderful partner who would have been ideal for you.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the screen.
Be intentional about grounding yourself in reality, and stop using other people and their relationships as a measuring stick for what you want in life.
Instead, draw on your real-life experiences and pay attention to your heart and gut.
My wish for you is to have a year filled with great experiences and wonderful love.
It may not be easy to implement some of the advice in this article but I promise you that it will be worth the effort.
Last but certainly not least, love yourself.
If you would like my help personally, please check out my services page for more information on how to get email coaching with me for a month. If you’re a guy, I strongly recommend grabbing a copy of my eBook on everything I know about courting women.