Figuring out how many dates before a relationship doesn’t have to be as complicated as it seems.
Ordinarily, after about 9 dates, you should be in a good position to enter a relationship. It’s enough time spent together to give you a good idea of whether he or she is the right person for you to be with.
But this is a very basic or abroad answer because it can vary from person to person.
Sometimes, it could take months before it’s time to enter a relationship whereas other times, it could happen in as little as a month.
What’s important to note is whether you feel strongly enough about this particular person, if they feel similarly and if you know them well enough.
With that being said, here’s a list of things you need to know before entering a relationship.
- Is this person for or against commitment?
- Do you love to spend time around this person?
- Can you prioritize a relationship right now?
- Can he or she prioritize a relationship?
- Are there any red flags?
- Are you or the other person going through a recent breakup?
- Are you both compatible and have similar values?
By no means is this list comprehensive because there will always be factors that you may personally need to consider based on your own expectations, culture, experiences and social environment.
Be that as it may, the above-mentioned factors should be taken seriously and considered properly before jumping into a relationship.
If either of you is a commitment-phobe, it would be wise to take things slow. This gradual development into a relationship eases anxiety and prevents commitment-phobic panic from causing an unnecessary setback.
Loving to spend time with someone outside of just intimacy is an indicator of good communication and chemistry. Both of which are prerequisites for a relationship.
A relationship requires work. As such, it will require time, effort and commitment as an investment. If neither of you can or are willing to prioritize the other, it may not be the best time to start a relationship.
During the early phase of courtship, identifying and placing importance on red flags isn’t a priority for most because of how emotionally interested you may be.
The problem is that red flags of a certain nature should never be ignored because they can often be deal-breakers.
We may not want to even accept that this attractive and fun new person has a deal-breaking red flag but it is something that you will eventually have to face. One way or another.
The pain caused by certain toxic habits and actions could do far more damage to you down the road than having to avoid a relationship with this particular person until he or she can fix that issue.
Another important factor to consider is the recent relationship history. Someone who is currently recovering from a recent break up is very volatile.
I would go so far as to list this as a red flag because they may not be over their ex or last relationship.
Rebounding with this person will more than likely result in a breakup that hurts both of you unnecessarily.
Perhaps not all rebound relationships end but most of them do. I say this after denying this reality myself. It was only until I went through it a few times did I finally come to accept the reality of rebound relationships.
Compatibility and value systems may not be a problem now when you’re still dating and courting each other but it will be during a relationship.
It’s something to consider now rather than a year into the relationship.
Now that we’ve explored all the factors you need to consider before a relationship, let’s look at another interesting answer on how long to date before a relationship.
Why Do I Have To Date So Much Before A Relationship?
Well, love is unpredictable. You can’t plan it. Even if you wanted to, that’s not how it works.
Just because you’re already at the point of wanting a relationship doesn’t mean the person you’re dating is at that point yet.
They may need more time despite genuinely liking and connecting with you.
The dating phase is fun so why rush into a relationship when one or both of you aren’t ready?
What you should be asking yourself is whether you want to be in a relationship to lock down this new person or because you genuinely love their presence.
You’d be surprised how many people try to rush into a relationship and lose the person they like because of their insecurity and fears.
Courtship and dating give both of you an opportunity to explore each other’s personality with no strings attached (so to speak). You can learn about their strengths and weaknesses. As well as whether they are capable of having a healthy relationship or unfortunately, an unhealthy relationship.
I’ve also found that after a handful of dates, people usually let their guard down and start feeling comfortable in being their unfiltered self. At this point, you can pick up on whether or not they’re ideal for you.
It also comes with an inbuilt testing mechanism to determine just how much of a pull you both have on each other.
If you or your date continues to blow off other people to be with each other, that isn’t just a strong indicator of interest but it dispels the need to be insecure of someone else coming into the picture.
In the grand scheme of things, the dating phase is relatively short, especially if this person turns out to be a wonderful long term partner.
So if you end up having to go on 10 to 20 dates before a relationship, don’t stress about it too much.
Once you’re in a relationship, it’s official and your focus now shifts to building and maintaining a relationship which takes effort, even if it’s ‘easy’.
Okay so now that we’ve covered the fundamentals and you definitely feel ready for a relationship, let’s look at the signs that indicate your new love interest feels the same.
They Talk About Being Ready For A Relationship
It’s very subtle at first but when the conversation becomes something frequently brought up, it’s a sign that he or she is imagining and considering a relationship in their lives.
Obviously, this can be taken to mean that they’ve entered a phase in their life that makes it possible to give themselves to another person.
So you could start dialing up the romance and make more moves.
They Treat You Like A Boyfriend Or Girlfriend
If someone makes you a priority, feels just a little possessive over you, gets a bit jealous if someone like him or her gives you attention and spoils you with affection, it’s another obvious sign that you are relationship material.
I notice this to be the case with women. They become more affectionate but also test you at times to determine how you feel about them.
Men tend to get more jealous and protective. Keep an eye out for that.
They Don’t Want You To Date Other People
If a man or woman inquires whether you’re seeing other people or even directly tells you not to date other people, it means they want you all to themselves.
This is amazing because it means that he or she is developing some strong attachments to you.
Take it as a good sign and initiate a relationship soon.
They Talk About A Future With You
Nobody talks about having a future with someone if they don’t actually want to be with them.
What it indicates is that he or she has thought about being in a relationship with you and finds you attractive. That, in and of itself, is an obvious telltale sign that the ‘situationship’ is leading to a relationship.
If you feel the same way, after a conversation like this, you could initiate ‘the talk’ because it would be a good time to follow up on the idea of a future together.
The tone has already been set. So strike while the iron is hot.
They Try To Spend All Their Time With You
If a man or woman really likes you, they’ll always find time for you. No matter how busy they are with work and life, they’ll make the time.
And if they can’t right now, they’ll immediately offer an alternative or set a definite date on a different day.
So if you’re wondering whether you’re nearing the stage of having a relationship, analyze the amount of time this person spends with you.
When Is The Right Time To Have The Relationship Talk
The exact time or moment depends entirely on the situation. If you’re feeling like there’s an incredibly strong romantic vibe between the two of you right now, then bring it up.
You can make it super romantic over dinner or you can let him or her know how you feel during a fun experience.
The most important thing to remember is that it should be genuine. Don’t try to rush the moment or create one at the wrong time. Check out this article on how to tell someone you love them.
Just be sure to do it, especially if you think that you’ve been taking too long. As a rule of thumb, if you start feeling like you might be taking too long to bring it up, then you’ve already taken too long.
Do it now!
How To Transition Into A Relationship
To be honest, it happens quite organically. But, I would recommend feeling more free and open about how much you love and admire your partner.
You can increase the amount of time you spend with each other as well as start referring to each other with terms of endearment.
Just focus on living in the moment.
Your new partner is with you because they feel just as strongly about you. Celebrate that with love and joy.
By doing so, you will naturally develop a more romantic and committed bond with each other.
As time goes on, the relationship will strengthen and completely transition into a serious commitment.
I really hope you do!
Entering a relationship is one of the most emotionally compelling things I’ve ever experienced.
It changes the way you look at yourself, your life and even the world.
The bond of a commitment eases insecurity and creates a feeling of safety as well.
You have someone who is rooting for you to become the best version of yourself. And you are that person for him or her.
Live in that positivity.
Live in that love.
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