After being dumped, the first and last thing on your mind is getting back together with your ex. It’s understandable. The majority of people who get dumped miss all the warning signs and never see it coming. If they did, they ignored those signs and tried to comfort themselves until it was too late. Then, when it happens, we’re stuck with just one question because we can’t imagine life without our ex. How long should I wait for my ex to come back? I’ll give you a fair and honest answer.
The best thing you can do is wait for a time that feels right to you. A lot of us want to honor the love we have for someone by waiting for them. There is nothing shameful or sad about this. If you really don’t want to live with regret, search within yourself for the answer and be congruent with your beliefs. You should wait for your ex to come back until you feel like it’s been long enough and you want to move on.
Ideally, I wouldn’t advise someone to wait for their ex to come back. It goes against the message I preach, which is to love those who choose to love you and be with you. But, that’s not always realistic.
Sometimes, you can’t help but love someone who no longer wants to be with you. So, rather than rebounding or pretending like you want someone else, you choose to take some time to wait.
It sounds problematic.
Because we don’t know if your ex will ever come back. If they do come back, it might be possible that they leave again.
But, does it mean that you should put your life on hold? What if we could reframe what it means to “wait” for your ex in such a manner that you don’t live with any regrets?
If you frame this time in your life as a chapter of growth and the rediscovery of who you are without your ex, then there’s no problem with “waiting” for your ex.
If you were to wait for your ex to come back, but you spent this time understanding what you want out of life and a relationship, improving your health, processing your feelings, praying deeply, removing negative habits from your life, and connecting with loved ones, then surely it wouldn’t be a waste of time at all.
Life is what you make of it.
At some point or another, through breakups or losses, we must learn to live in spite of missing the people we love.
It’s one of the hardest things to do, but through this journey, you learn about the deeper meaning of life and what you are capable of accomplishing by being strong, hardworking, driven, and sincere.
They say that it takes about one and a half years for a person to move on from an ex, both emotionally and mentally.
Whether this takes into account how much contact you have with your ex is unknown.
Personally, I’ve witnessed too many people hold onto residual feelings of attachment to their ex by remaining in contact.
If you want to speed up the process, I think no contact is the best way.
Here’s what I’ll tell you.
Either use this time to try new things and create an amazing life for yourself if you are miserably laying in bed waiting, or slow down and take some time to just process your feelings if you have been drowning yourself in a busy schedule to escape the sight of loneliness and reality.
I tried a bunch of new hobbies and activities straight after a breakup, and it actually made the pain unbearable.
I was not ready for it, and my intention was to escape how I truly felt.
Only when I took time to be by myself and slow down did I manage to deal with those hard feelings until I started feeling a desire to live life again.
So, you have to pay attention to what works for you.
Countless articles will recommend filling your time with a bunch of new and productive activities, but they may not be helpful to you.
Rather than helping you move on, they may remind you of what you’ve lost.
By all means, try.
Make an effort to fill your time with wonderful activities, but not with the expectation that they will help you stop feeling sad or alone.
What I’m about to say is important, and I need you to pay attention.
Do not tell your ex about this.
Allow me to explain.
What motivates the dumper to come back is the fear of losing you forever. The uncertainty of what you are doing, along with the silence that comes from giving them space, creates an opportunity for them to miss you.
If you constantly contact your ex and tell them about your plans to wait for them, they will have zero fear of losing you.
In fact, they will feel as if you are a backup option, which will encourage them to date other people in the meantime.
Don’t help your ex move on from you by providing them with support and comfort, knowing that you are waiting for them to come back.
Lastly, I would strongly suggest that you stop waiting for an ex to come back if they are involved with someone else.
You deserve to be with someone who is excited about being with you and you alone.
That brings us to the end of this article on how long you should wait for your ex to come back. I don’t think you should put your life on hold for an ex to come back, but honor your feelings at the same time.
You can avoid dating or searching for other people. That’s much better than rebounding aimlessly and forcing yourself to connect with someone else.
But, that’s as far as you should go in regards to waiting for your ex.
In every other way, live your life to the best of your ability. Make decisions that are best for you professionally, personally, physically, and emotionally.
By doing this, I’m pretty sure that you’ll grow.
As you grow, you may just find that there’s no longer room for your ex in this new or improved life that you are living.
And perhaps, someone else who is more suitable for you will fit right into your life.
In some cases, this time apart may just be exactly what was needed for you and your ex to have a new relationship with each other that has a better chance of succeeding.
Time will tell.
With that being said, I recommend that you grab a copy of my ebook called Reconcile. It contains everything you need to know about re-attracting your ex. I hope you enjoyed this article and found it to be useful. Be sure to share your thoughts with me in the comment section below.