Breakups absolutely suck. Whether you’re the dumper or dumpee, it affects everyone. It makes you feel sad, lonely, rejected, angry, confused and mellow. And that brings us to the questions of the day, how long does it take to get over a breakup?
On average, it takes between 3 months to 18 months. Depending on the duration of the relationship, how much you invested in it, the terms of the breakup and how it happened, the time can vary between 3 to 18 months.
In fact, this study on 4000 divorcees concluded that it takes approximately 18 months to get over a breakup/split.
Another study on college undergraduates found that it takes about 11 weeks until they started to feel better post-breakup.
To be honest, all of these statistics don’t mean much because this is a subjective based issue.
Depending on how you address the situation, you could move on at a much faster rate or at a slower pace than others. So please don’t beat yourself up for it.
What truly matters is how you feel and whether you have done everything possible to move on after a breakup.
With that being said, let’s talk about some of the factors that influence how long it takes to get over a breakup.
1. You were dumped
It should come as no surprise that the dumpee often takes longer to get over a breakup than the dumper. You weren’t expecting it and was unable to prepare yourself for the end.
Most people who get dumped seek closure but in reality, the only real type of closure you can get is from within.
If you were dumped and it’s taking you longer to move on, don’t be alarmed because it’s normal and expected.
2. You were cheated on or abused
Not many things can hurt someone and shatter their trust like being cheated on or abused.
These two forms of betrayal tarnish the sanctity of a romantic relationship to it’s very core.
As such, you may have unresolved issues and trauma to work through which takes time.
3. You haven’t initiated no contact
One of the quickest and most effective ways of getting over a breakup is to initiate no contact.
By eliminating all contact with your ex, the only thing you can do is face your breakup head-on and deal with the reality of being single.
Most people end up losing contact with their exes either way.
By initiating no contact, it shifts some of the power back to you. Given that you now have some control over the situation, it’s easier to deal with the breakup than to be ghosted or ignored by your ex.
4. You are surrounded by reminders of your ex
As someone who is extremely sentimental, I see great value in removing all reminders of someone after they leave your life.
The best way to get over someone is to get through your own feelings of loss and heartbreak.
Reminders do nothing but keep you attached to the past. They make you nostalgic and what we know about nostalgia is that they trigger emotions of sadness and desire.
To avoid this pitfall, simply remove all photos, videos, emails, letters and clothing that remind you of the relationship or your ex.
5. You invested too much in the relationship
It’s an unspoken truth that the one who invests more into a relationship has a harder time moving on.
Everything in life requires investment.
When you work, it’s an investment of time and energy for a reward. When you enter a relationship, it’s an investment of time, energy and affection for a reward.
So if you have spent a significant amount of time with someone and invested yourself in the relationship, it won’t surprise me if you’re taking a long time to get over your ex.
What are the signs that you are over someone?
Straight after a breakup, it’s more than likely you’ll be thinking about your ex all the time.
And it’s scary. I remember being deathly afraid of feeling this way forever. I had no idea whether I’d be able to get over my first ex.
Since then, I’ve had many other relationships and I realize that moving on is inevitable and getting over those feelings after a breakup just takes time.
Here’s an overview of the signs that you are over the breakup:
- You don’t think about your ex much.
- When you do think about them, it doesn’t make you sad or pine for them.
- You’re happy with your current relationship status.
- Your days are filled with excitement for the future.
- You feel ready to meet new people and find love again.
As soon as you start displaying one or more of the abovementioned signs, it’s highly likely that you have moved on or are on the brink of doing so.
Keep putting in the work to improve yourself and continue to let time work its magic.
What can you do to get over a breakup fast?
Just because we can’t accurately predict the time it will take to move on after a breakup doesn’t mean we can’t do things to speed up the process.
Here’s a list of tips on how to get over a breakup fast:
- Initiate no contact and silence with your ex as soon as possible.
- Remove all reminders of your ex.
- Be alone and embrace your most feared feelings.
- Journal or talk about your feelings to others.
- Do not chase after your ex at all.
- Focus on your career and goals.
- Emphasize self-development during no contact.
- Start meeting new people and casually date.
If you can mobilize quickly and get started on these tips, I can almost guarantee that you will get over your breakup and move on much faster than if you don’t.
With that being said, I hope you found this article to be insightful and you have all the answers you need on how long it takes to get over a breakup.
Please share how long it took you to get over an ex in the comment section below.
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