Falling in love is one of the best feelings in the world. It often happens unexpectedly but when it does, everything starts to feel hunky-dory. If you’re dating again or getting to know someone, you’re probably wondering, how long does it take to fall in love?
It takes between 4 – 9 weeks to fall in love. Obviously, this number can vary depending on different circumstances. Sometimes, people fall in love relatively quickly whereas others take a much longer time.
It can take months for some people to fall in love with someone.
Recently, I came across a survey claiming that men take about 88 days to say ‘I love you’ whereas women take about 134 days.
I don’t think this number should be relied on at all because everyone is different and moves at the own pace.
The following circumstances heavily influence how long it takes to fall in love:
- Attraction level.
- Openness for love.
- Latest relationship status (eg. recently dumped).
- Baggage and unresolved issues from a previous relationship.
- Time spent with each other.
Let’s talk about each of these factors and how they influence the time it takes to fall in love.
The more attracted someone is to you, the easier it is for them to fall in love.
If attraction was measured on a scale of 1 – 10, anything below 5 is an upward battle. Anything above 5 and you have a fair chance. A rating of 7 and above can be considered a high level of attraction.
Attraction is based on more than facial features. The following features can affect attraction:
- Facial features.
- Body language.
- Body shape.
- Tidiness and cleanliness.
Apart from your facial features and voice itself, everything else can be improved or maximized for everyone.
I just want to make something clear – physical attraction is not a prerequisite for love. In fact, love itself is an emotion that is cultivated through experience.
Physical attraction is merely one of the common causes for initial desire and infatuation.
You could find someone drop-dead gorgeous or handsome but never fall in love with them because of other important factors which we will cover below.
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Of all the contributing factors for falling in love, compatibility is probably the most important.
As I mentioned above, you could find someone ridiculously attractive and yet never fall in love with them.
Because their character, personality, virtues, values, morals, ethics and way of thinking doesn’t resonate with you on a deeper level.
More than physical attraction, we desire a true connection.
We may be okay being on our own but feeling accompanied by someone who we can have an amazing time with is far more impactful.
When you are compatible on many levels, the experience of life tastes sweeter.
Given only one choice, we will always choose the one who touches our hearts compared to the one we find most attractive.
Openness for love
Sometimes, attraction can be sky high and compatibility may be through the roof but that individual just doesn’t have the space to be with someone at that period in time.
We may not realize it but we are capable of putting up walls that are hard to scale over.
This prevents us from feeling love or accepting love from others.
When you are closed off to the idea of love, the process becomes far more difficult. It may take you or the other person way longer to fall in love compared to the average person.
Latest relationship status
Someone who has been single for a significant period of time is more susceptible to falling in love in a short space of time compared to someone who has just been dumped.
Latest relationship status matters.
If you’re dealing with someone who is rebounding, you can’t trust that they actually are falling in love or if they’re infatuated.
The same could be said for someone who is widowed or mourning the loss of a partner. Their relationship status is muddy and it most likely will affect the time it takes to fall in love.
Baggage and unresolved issues from a previous relationship
Irrespective of relationship status, baggage and unresolved issues are a contributing factor to the time it takes one to fall in love and stay in love.
They may sabotage you when feelings of love start to develop for someone new. They may also trigger insecurity, doubt and fear which prevent you from falling in love easily.
I think this is a huge problem for people because it can either stop or impede the development of love.
Time spent with each other
The more time you spend with someone, the more experiences you have with them.
Developing a strong connection is far easier with someone you spend time with compared to a person who goes missing for days or weeks at a time.
Time and experiences can trigger love almost unexpectedly.
That’s why it’s important to spend time with someone, even if you don’t have an initially high level of physical attraction for them.
You may find yourself falling madly in love with this person and their attraction level skyrocketing as a result of that.
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The differences between falling in love and being in love
The latter is a potential effect of the former. Allow me to explain. You can fall in love with someone based on a number of reasons but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will automatically progress to being in love.
Being in love is the ultimate end to falling in love.
Falling in love is the development of love. It could simply mean that someone has started developing a romantic connection and deeper attraction for another.
The development of that connection and deeper attraction results in being in love.
Being in love comes with a level of certainty. It is manifested through shared experiences and acceptance of your feelings.
Falling in love can be stopped whereas being in love requires you to fall out of love.
Falling in love can be influenced by infatuation and desire whereas being in love can influence desire.
What are the signs of someone who is falling in love?
Based on personal experience, surveys and anecdotal evidence, these are considered the most telltale signs of someone who is falling in love. I’m going to address you directly and point out what you may experience.
- You feel content around that person.
- You strongly desire them in every way.
- You think about them all the time.
- You fantasize about them.
- Your heart rate increases around them.
- You start planning for the future.
- You feel a strong desire to make them yours.
- You want to experience the world with them.
- You don’t feel the urge to date other people anymore.
- you want them to be happy.
- Your heart rate synchronizes with theirs.
- You love their quirks.
- You remember little details about them.
- You accept their flaws.
- You start singing their praises to others.
- You feel afraid of losing them.
- You feel some jealously.
The list could go on but I would just like to say that when you develop a better understanding of what is love, it becomes clearer that it requires effort and investment.
The more you nurture love, the more you find yourself feeding the feelings mentioned above.
That, in effect, makes you fall more in love and the cycle continues so long as you continue the work.
Isn’t that ridiculously beautiful?
Related post: 25 signs she is developing feelings for you
Can you fall in love in a week?
It’s possible to fall in love in a week but it isn’t highly probable. However, there have been instances in my own life when I fell for someone in a relatively short amount of time so it can happen.
This would depend on how much time you spend with each other during that week and the experiences that are shared between you.
I’ve heard of people who met each other during a short vacation and fell in love during that time.
Physical attraction and chemistry also affect the rate at which you fall in love.
Let’s assume that you meet someone and all the stars align.
You have been single for a while, you don’t have any unresolved feelings for an ex or someone else, you have been craving romance in your life and you’re the best version of yourself.
With all those factors at play, it’s highly possible that when you meet someone who ticks all of your boxes and connects with you on a deeper level, you fall in love in a week.
I think we need to realize that falling in love can occur to varying degrees.
The level of love you experience during this short period of time may be surface level but enough to make you want to be with this person.
As time goes on, you may continue to fall in love until this person becomes a significant figure in your life who you want to spend your life with.
So, yes, it’s possible to fall in love in a week but that level of love will depend on a number of factors and may not be as powerful or deep as the kind of love you may experience over a longer period of time.
Can it take years to fall in love?
Yes, absolutely, it can take many years to fall in love, especially when there is a ton of problems, unresolved issues and compatibility issues at play.
When you’ve been through a lot of damage and heartbreak over your life, it’s possible that you build walls around your heart.
This is a self-preservation technique that is designed to keep you safe but it can actually cause you quite a lot of dissatisfaction in life.
Love requires vulnerability.
You have to be willing to deal with all the anxiety and baggage in order to truly fall in love.
How long it takes to break down those walls for you or someone else to fall in love can’t be predicted.
Realistically, it can take years to fall in love depending on how open you are to letting your walls down and experiencing the ups and downs of romance.
Keep in mind, people don’t just fall in love during the best times in a relationship.
There will be periods of drama and pain that will require a lot of work but when you work on the relationship together, those difficult experiences end up making you fall in love to a greater degree than before.
If you’re constantly afraid of those problems or if you run away whenever they show up and close yourself up, it will take you longer to fall in love.
Perhaps circumstances dictate that the two of you can’t really spend much time with each other because of distances and so forth.
In such a case, it may take years to fall in love because of how infrequently you meet, spend time with each other and experience life together.
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Can you fall in love over text?
Yes, absolutely, people have and continue to fall in love over text. Most long-distance couples will attest to it.
Personally, I have experienced what it’s like to fall in love over text.
But, what I will admit is that the level of feelings you experience over text pales in comparison to falling in love with someone in person.
Be that as it may, texting someone every single day and having in-depth conversations in which you connect and bare your soul to each other can make you fall in love over text.
There’ll always be a limit to the extent of that love but it opens the door.
When you do meet or spend more time with each other, you’ll be more likely to fall in love in reality because you fell in love over text.
The main problem with falling in love over text is that the love or relationship will never taste its true potential until you bridge the gap and spend time together in person.
How long does it take to fall in love over text?
It can take about a month of regularly texting to start falling in love. Because texting is instantaneous and you have the opportunity to communicate all the time, it’s easy to develop an online bond with someone.
It’s also easier to open up and share things about yourself over text than it would be to do in person at times.
Because of these factors, it can be relatively quick to fall in love over text.
However, on the flip side, someone who has always fallen in love in person or who texts so much may not be as susceptible to falling in love quickly over text.
For that person, it may take a few months before they actually feel some degree of love that could be considered significant.
The problem with texting is that it can also prevent you from falling in love.
It’s far too easy to say the wrong things to someone that you probably wouldn’t ever say in person. Then, there’s also the issue of texting too much and coming across as desperate and needy.
Love requires some degree of uncertainty and excitement during those early stages of courtship.
By constantly texting someone, you risk removing any and all uncertainty from the relationship. You may even talk him or her out of falling in love with you.
So, as much as texting can help you fall in love relatively fast, it can also cause someone to fall out of love just as fast.
What does it feel like to fall in love?
Imagine that all your worries melt away and you’re experiencing pure excitement, happiness and optimism for the future.
That’s what it feels like to fall in love. Your heart is filled with joy and care for someone other than yourself.
Your thoughts are consumed by this person, specifically about how amazing they are and how you want to make them happy.
Falling in love makes you feel selfless because it’s one of the few times when you want everything good the world has to offer for the person you love rather than yourself.
So, in a way, falling in love brings out the best side of you when things are going well.
This overwhelming sense of contentment and love starts to overpower the noise of all your unnecessary complaints or annoyances from day to day living.
It also makes you want to be a better person.
At the same time, it’s also scary because it can be filled with so much uncertainty and expectations.
You’re in a vulnerable state when you fall in love because a big chunk of your happiness and heart is now tied to another human being.
You don’t want to lose them, you want to be with them, you don’t want anything bad to happen to them and so forth.
These feelings are scary but it’s also beautiful to care so much about another person you didn’t know even existed all these years ago.
Can you fall in love at first sight?
Honestly, no. If you do fall in love at first sight, it’s just a surface level of love that is dictated by physical attraction rather than anything meaningful.
One could argue that this is a form of infatuation or lust but even if it’s not, I would not classify this as fall in love because it completely discards the most important factor of being in love and that’s a person’s character.
Physical attraction is an important aspect of all relationships but if it were not backed up by a personality type that touches your heart, that relationship will never last.
And that’s the difference because you may meet people who are madly in love with someone who they don’t necessarily consider to be the most stunning looking person they have ever dated.
But, it doesn’t matter as much because it’s their character, personality and/or soul that is what they have fallen in love with.
Think about this for a second – Can you imagine marrying someone you find drop dead gorgeous or handsome who you cannot stand as a person?
And yet, what we all know is that when you fall in love with someone as a person, they’re appearance to you becomes heightened and your taste starts to adapt to the way they look.
To me, that’s a significant difference between actually falling in love with someone and being infatuated by looks.
For these reasons, I’ll stand by my answer that you can’t really fall in love at first sight – at least, not in the way that truly matters because it’s the personality and character of a person that cannot be discarded or replaced when falling in love.
Tips on making someone fall in love with you
I’ve written countless articles on this site that are all designed to help my readers iron out mistakes that ruin their love life. But, I’d like to quickly share some of those top tips with you in this article.
Tip 1 – Be yourself
There’s no point in acting like someone else when you’re trying to impress a girl or guy. What you want is to be yourself. Let them see the depth of your personality.
That way, you’ll have no problem being authentic and things like doubt, fear and uncertainty will not rule your mind.
There’s nothing better than being yourself and finding out that someone loves you.
Be open, share what you like and don’t like, be respectfully opinionated and be truthful.
Tip 2 – Don’t force love
Love takes time. Just because some study says that people fall in love in a month doesn’t mean there needs to be a timeline for your love story.
When you allow love to unfold at it’s own discretion, the journey becomes memorable and enjoyable.
But, if you try to rush love, you may end up behaving out of character and instead of falling in love, you end up scaring people away by being too desperate, clingy, needy or overwhelming.
Tip 3 – Don’t chase someone out of your life
It may be tempting to be over the top and do everything in your power to make someone fall in love with you.
That doesn’t work when you’re getting to know someone and things are still in the early stages.
Part of what makes love develop is the longing for each other and the uncertainty.
These feelings create excitement and a desire to be together.
If you’re always chasing someone, you cheat them from the amazing feeling of missing you and the anticipation of what may happen next.
Tip 4 – Be romantic and thoughtful
On the flip side, don’t be a cold fish. it’s boring when you say the same things and do the same things day after day.
There’s nothing wrong with being romantic, flirtatious at times and spontaenous.
This will create excitement and the two of you will thoroughly enjoy being around each other.
Tip 5 – Enjoy the process
Last but certainly not least, enjoy the process.
Getting to know someone is exciting and what makes falling in love so amazing is the journey itself.
Take it all in and cherish the moment.
Don’t get hung up on labels or pushing things forward just yet. Focus on developing and nurturing the love. Everything else will fall into place as it’s meant to.
So, just to confirm, how long does it take to fall in love?
It takes between 4 – 9 weeks for the average person to fall in love. This can be shortened or extended depending on a number of factors such as time spent together, level of attraction and chemistry.
What I would advise you to do is just allow yourself the freedom to fall in love at your own pace. And afford the same opportunity to the person you’re dating.
Usually, when you let nature take its course, things tend to work out much better than if you try to control everything and force love to develop.
With that being said, I hope you found your answer to how long does it take to fall in love!
I would love to hear more about your experiences with falling in love below. Also, feel free to share your questions in the comment section below.
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