In this article, you will learn about how long it takes for fearful avoidants to come back.
As you probably know, a lot of fearful avoidants shockingly and suddenly run away from their relationships. It’s natural to hold on to hope. Be that as it may, it’s good to have an idea about how long it takes for fearful avoidants to come back. Here’s what you need to know.
In my expert experience, I’ve witnessed fearful avoidants come back within two time frames.
- Within the first 4 to 8 weeks after the split, the sudden shock and realization of what life looks like without you set in.
- After several months, they have been lonely and unsuccessful at finding someone else.
The only caveat is if the fearful avoidant didn’t have significant feelings of attraction and love for you. In that case, it’s possible that they won’t come back. At most, you’ll get a breadcrumb text but nothing that leads to a positive outcome.
Understanding Why Fearful Avoidants Come Back
Fearful avoidants are most averse to discomfort.
During a relationship, commitment, responsibilities, and expectations cause discomfort to the fearful avoidant.
The discomfort may be so overwhelming that the fearful avoidant sabotages their desire for love and companionship to seek peace and solace.
That’s just one part of the fearful avoidant cycle.
For a while after running away, fearful avoidants experience some happiness and peace before they are plunged into discomfort again.
This time, it comes in the form of loss, change, and sadness.
Couple this experience with unsuccessful attempts at meeting other people, and you’ll find that the fearful avoidant grapples with intrusive thoughts about being alone.
This triggers doubt and uncertainty about leaving you, which motivates the avoidant to come back.
I will also assert that an avoidant may not even attempt to meet other people to come back.
Sometimes, it has nothing to do with other people, and they genuinely realize that their desire to be with you and their fear of being alone inspire them to come back.
If you would like a step-by-step explanation on how to get an ex back or to re-attract someone who lost interest, grab a copy of my ebook called Reconcile. I put this guide together for serious students of the game who want to cut through the fluff and get results in their love life. Click Here To Check It Out!Â
You need to read this article: Why do avoidants ghost?
What You Need To Know About The Fearful Avoidant Cycle
Fearful avoidants fall in love like the rest of us. Their attachment style does not negate the development of love.
After leaving and spending some time away from you, the fearful avoidant begins to miss you. They’re no longer in a fearful state regarding commitment or expectations. Instead, they resort back to a state of desire for companionship and discomfort from loneliness.
By now, they have two choices:
- Come back.
- Meet other people and try to move on.
If the avoidant chooses the latter, then they won’t come back during the first 4 to 6 weeks of breaking up.
But what we know is that most of us have a slightly exaggerated perception of what is out there and the options at our disposal.
Even if we have many options for dating, it doesn’t mean that any of them will progress to love or a relationship.
If the people the fearful avoidant starts to date don’t match up to their expectations or to your image, that’s when they experience a lot of discomfort again.
Also, if they get rejected or feel dismissed, they experience discomfort and a strong desire for love.
When that desire for love sets in firmly and they are struggling to meet someone who connects with them like you did, fearful avoidants will come back to you.
This could happen within a few months or even a year.
Read more about fearful avoidant psychodynamics over at Psychology Today.
How To Get A Fearful Avoidant To Come Back Faster
What is also important to note is how you behave during and after the breakup.
During the breakup, if you are incredibly disrespectful, insulting, and crazy, then fearful avoidants may avoid you altogether in the future.
They may assume that you hate them and never want to hear from them again.
Also, it’s the last experience they have with you, and if it’s masked by you behaving poorly, then the avoidant has an excuse for why you may not be as good as they think you are.
You can prevent this from happening by remaining respectful and dignified during the breakup.
By all means, express your feelings. But avoid swearing, cursing, and insulting the fearful avoidant.
Next, you have to allow the fearful avoidant to experience the pain of losing you.
To do this, you must not agree to be friends or to remain in contact after the breakup.
This will be incredibly difficult for you, especially when you are grappling with the shock of a breakup.
In fact, you’ll probably be in a fearful state over the idea of losing your avoidant ex forever.
Feeling this way is surely going to create a desire to remain in contact.
But if you are interested in having a romantic relationship with your ex, do not agree to being friends.
You won’t manage, and it will eventually end with your ex moving on.
The last thing you want to do in this situation is help your fearful, avoidant ex get over you and find someone else.
That’s what will happen if you devalue yourself by remaining in contact with an ex who you want back.
You must be prepared to walk away from someone who chooses not to be with you or to value what you have to offer.
If you don’t, you will never be treated equally or viewed as a priority to that individual.
Let the fearful avoidant experience the complete loss of your attention, affect, and effort from their life when they pull away and end the relationship.
They will think back and view you favorably when they reach that stage of loneliness or desire for love.
That’s when you have the best chance of getting your ex back.
What I can say with certainty is that I never got back with an ex who I remained in contact with.
But the exact opposite is true as well.
Whenever I walked away, my ex always returned.
It wasn’t intentional.
I walked away because I wanted to heal and move on.
It taught me the importance of being respectful and honorable toward myself.
You have to treat yourself with dignity before anyone else will.
Also, scarcity breeds value.
If your attention and affection are given away for free to someone who throws them away, what message are you sending about the value of your attention and affection?
Think about that before you consider chasing the fearful avoidant.
Here are a few tips that will help you get a fearful avoidant to come back:
- Don’t lash out at them.
- Don’t contact them.
- Give them the space they need to miss you. Distance and silence can have a profound effect on fearful avoidants.
- Assert your value by maintaining your dignity and self-respect when they choose to leave. Don’t beg them to stay or come back.
- Don’t try to psychoanalyze a fearful avoidant. If you can tell that they are self-sabotaging, point it out respectfully, but don’t try to fix it.
You need to read this article: What are avoidants attracted to?
Final Thoughts
Apart from this, there’s really nothing more that you need to do.
Focus on healing and processing your emotions.
Don’t complicate your life further by jumping into a rebound relationship or dating unnecessarily.
The last thing you want to do is get in the habit of avoiding your own feelings.
You must accept the possibility that your avoidant ex may not come back.
Prepare for all possibilities by making good use of the time you have on your hands now.
Work towards healing from this breakup while improving other areas of your life. Discover new ways to grow as an individual and make the development of your identity the primary concern of your time.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on how long it takes for fearful avoidants to come back helpful. If you would like my assistance with an avoidant, check out my services page for more information on my email consulting package.