I was recently having a conversation with my little cousin and she asked me how do two introverts start dating because she is in conversation with another introvert. And it’s confusing to her. Do the normal signs of attraction apply to introverts?
In short, yes, they do. Here’s how two introverts can start dating.
Meet at a comfortable and familiar location, come prepared with questions to ask each other, allow each other to open up with time, choose activities that are within your comfort level, ask open-ended questions and make a greater effort to elaborate on your answers.
Two introverts often feed off each other’s level of comfort. When one introvert notices the other is opening up, the atmosphere changes.
He or she begins to feel like things are going well and can loosen up.
If an introvert experiences a higher sense of anxiety to interact on a date, it would be highly beneficial to choose a place and activity that is common and comfortable for you.
When it comes to first dates, I don’t think introverts should reserve final judgment based on it.
If anything, two introverts should either build some rapport over text and phone calls before meeting or make a conscious decision to meet for atleast 3 dates before deciding whether they want to continue dating.
But that applies to someone you are just getting to know.
If two introverts already like each other and want to date exclusively, well that takes the pressure of deciding how you feel because that is already known.
At this point, what the two of you have to decide is the pace at which you want to move.
This could mean waiting for a much longer time before becoming intimately involved and so forth.
A relationship should be defined as a shared journey through life. This means that the terms of the relationship shouldn’t be dictated by what everyone else is doing.
Two introverts who date can support each other through socially challenging times, overcoming shyness if it’s hindering you in any way and becoming stronger versions of yourselves.
Check out this article on the best dating tips for shy guys.
With that being said, let’s take a closer look at how do two introverts start dating.
1. What is an introvert?
The most common and popular description of an introvert is as follows, ” An introvert is someone who prefers calm, minimally stimulating environments.”
Furthermore, social gatherings and certain levels of social interaction have a heavier toll on an introvert. This is usually fixed after some TLC in their safe space by themselves.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
In fact, introverts display a stronger understanding of who they are. Their self-worth isn’t dictated by their status in social settings. Neither do introverts require social acceptance to feel good about themselves!
When it comes to dating, introverts may prefer meeting at a bookstore or at a quiet coffee shop over a club or music festival.
Also, introverts recharge during their time alone. It doesn’t mean that they don’t like being in the company of someone else or having a partner by their side.
When it comes to communication, they may seem closed off at first but in reality, they prefer opening up over time and at their own pace. Sometimes this is attributed to a feeling of not wanting to burden anyone else with their problems.
What’s important to note is that not everyone is just introverted or extroverted.
Most of us display different levels of both attributes depending on different circumstances.
And just because an introvert appears to behave a particular way in society or at first doesn’t necessarily mean they behave the same in the comfort of their home or with someone they develop a deeper bond with.
I’ve known introverts who were very quiet in a social setting but an absolute chatterbox at home who couldn’t stop singing Taylor Swift songs on a Sunday morning.
In the same breath, I have also known introverts who were very outgoing, extremely confident and loud but just get exhausted by it.
What kind of dates do introverts go on?
Usually wholesome and fun dates in settings that elicit good conversation and comfort.
The goal for two introverts going on a date should be to feel comfortable and to have fun.
If you can tick both of those boxes, the conversation will flow and it will be easier to connect with each other.
Here’s a list of the best kind of dates for introverts:
- A coffee date
- Walking on the beach
- Visiting a park
- Going to a museum or art gallery
- Visiting a library
- Cooking together
- Looking at stars
- Taking a hike
- Visit a relaxed restaurant
- Play board games
As long as you have the opportunity to focus on your date, have a good time and feel comfortable to be yourself, then go for that type of activity!
Here’s an epic list of first date ideas to try out.
Types of questions to ask an introvert on a date?
The point of any date is to establish a connection and learn more about each other, right?
It’s not about scrutinizing or cross-questioning someone. You’ll come to know everything you need to know naturally. Don’t ruin your chances by acting like it’s a do or die situation.
On that same note, as an introvert, you should be considering the kind of questions you’d like to be asked.
This is a good rule of thumb to follow. And if you’re someone who doesn’t know how to draw a line between appropriate and inappropriate, here’s what you should consider.
- Does this question have the firing power to ruin this date?
- Will it make my date uncomfortable?
Pretty simple. With that being said, here’s a list of awesome first date questions to ask an introvert:
- Where did you grow up?
- Are you a coffee or tea person?
- What’s your favorite childhood memory?
- Do you prefer a farm or city life?
- Scariest movie you’ve ever watched?
- What’s your dream in life?
- What’s the silliest fear you have?
- What’s your favorite song of all time?
- What would you do if you won the lottery?
- Are you a dog or cat person?
- What was the name of your first pet?
- What would your perfect vacation look like?
- What’s the best thing that has happened to you this month, other than me (lol)?
- Who is your favorite author?
- Do you have any nicknames?
- What would be your dream job?
- What hobbies would you like to get into?
- Who are your kind of people?
- Have you traveled? Where?
For a complete list of first date questions, check out this article.
How to make another introvert feel comfortable on a date?
Just be yourself. Don’t try to force things to be other than it is. Because at the crux of true attraction is authenticity. We are most attracted to those who are confident enough to be their authentic self.
And by you being true to yourself, it gives you the comfort and compassion to allow someone else the same patience you would want as well.
Keep it lighthearted.
Forget about trying to establish a connection at any cost. Focus more on connecting with each other on a relatable level.
If you’re nervous, it’s okay to voice that. Chances are, your date is just as nervous and will feel at ease knowing that he or she is not alone.
What we all want is to be understood.
And if someone were to like us after understanding who we really are, that’s one of the best feelings in the world.
Let them know it’s okay to be nervous or anxious.
Here’s a trick: if you can sense that someone is too nervous to open up, elaborate on your answers in detail.
Focus on happiness
I know that I’m stating the obvious here but as long as whoever you’re dating makes you happy, run with it.
There’s no right or wrong way to be.
Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, it doesn’t matter.
What matters is whether you are happy in your own skin and the person you’re dating feels the same way about you.
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