How Do I Tell If He Loves Me? (12 Undeniable Signs He Loves You)

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how do I tell if he loves me, does he love me, how to tell if he loves you

Have you ever noticed how the guys who you really fall for and chase are the same men whose feelings are unclear? Despite it being unclear to you, there are certain signs and behaviors that give away how a man really feels about you. So, in today’s article, I’m going to finally answer the following question I get far too often: how do I tell if he loves me?

The more of these signs he displays, the more likely it is that he is smitten and is developing a strong desire to be with you.

Generally, there’s a way to escalate the romance into a relationship by just asking him a simple question: Where is this going?

He’ll probably ask you to explain what you mean and that’s the opportune moment to bring up whether he’s interested in having something serious with you.

At that point, he’ll let you know that he has feelings for you and wants to be exclusive or he’ll give an ambiguous or deflective answer which will indicate a lack of desire or interest. 

Be that as it may, I’d like to quickly share this list of signs that will tell you if he loves you.

  1. He chooses you over others.
  2. He doesn’t sacrifice your happiness for selfish desires.
  3. He is consistent in his behavior.
  4. He has reasons to love you.
  5. He starts texting you more frequently.
  6. He tries to meet you more often.
  7. He tries to solve your problems.
  8. He is supportive of your goals and dreams.
  9. He accepts you for the person that you are.
  10. He plans for the future with you.
  11. He keeps bringing up wanting to be in a relationship with you.
  12. He doesn’t sabotage your life.

Make a quick note of these signs on your phone or notepad so that you can refer to it when observing his behavior after spending some time with him in person. 

With that being said, let’s examine each of these signs in more detail so that you can understand what to look for in his behavior towards you. 

1. He chooses you over others

In my belief, love is the determining factor in whether a guy will choose you over another girl. 

Why? 

Because love is not a passive emotion. 

To love, one must act in a loving manner.

What’s more loving that being chosen and not strung along? What’s more loving than a guy actively making you feel like you’re the only one he wants by rejecting the advances of girls who want him?

If there’s one thing that I know for certain, it’s that a man will never choose you over others unless he cares about you. 

So, basically, the first and probably one of the most important ways to tell if he loves you is to observe whether he treats you like a high priority in his life.

Related post: 7 Obvious signs he likes you

2. He doesn’t sacrifice your happiness for selfish desires

In every relationship, there will be some degree of sacrifice that is necessary for both people to be happy together.

We can call these things boundaries.

Boundaries within all sorts of relationships, even polygamous ones, are essential for the maintenance of both trust and happiness.

A man who loves you will not suddenly lose all attraction for other people nor will he immediately quit all of his bad or toxic habits.

But, if he loves you, then he will consciously make a choice to prioritize your happiness over these selfish desires or habits. 

As long as your needs are fair, justifiable and reasonable, I’m willing to bet that he will choose you over those other desires.

He may struggle at times but ultimately, you will take precedence over these things. 

3. He is consistent in his behavior

Words and promises without corresponding actions are meaningless. If you’ve been dating for some time, you’d understand this statement all too well.

When men are courting, they can promise you the world.

It’s easy to be persuaded with smooth talking men who seem to know exactly what to say to you but stick around for long enough and things don’t always turn out to be as good as they seem. 

Men, much like women, are very capable of putting on a facade during the courtship phase.

They’re on their best behavior in hopes of seducing you into a bed or into a relationship.

But, you have to be open minded and slightly critical of what he says and what he does.

Granted, people get lazy at times or they get wrapped up in a comfort zone to the point that they take a back seat in their own life. 

But, if you zoom out and look at the relationship as a whole, you’ll be able to tell whether he has been consistent or if he’s just wasting your time.

If you find yourself unhappy and questioning his commitment to you, then it might be a good idea to partake in this activity.

You’re either going to discover that he’s a liar, he put on a show for you or he’s actually in love with you but just going through one of those aforementioned phases of laziness. 

  • He won’t stand you up. 
  • He won’t float from hot to cold all the time. 
  • He won’t ghost you for days or weeks at a time. 
  • He won’t keep breaking his promises to you and making up silly excuses. 

Men who are in love will be consistent. 

Related post: 20 Signs he is developing strong feelings for you

4. He has reasons to love you

Men are visual creatures by nature. By this, I simply mean that they can almost instantly enter a state of infatuation over attraction and lust.

The problem is that they can mistake their own infatuation as love and start behaving in ways that may seem congruent with a man who is in love.

But, have you not noticed the amount of men who turn nasty and hateful when they get rejected by you or don’t get what they want.

If they were so in love, why would they suddenly hate you if you haven’t done anything disrespectful or unjustifiable? 

More often than not, the answer simply points towards a lack of true love.

Now, it wouldn’t make sense for you to reject him simply to determine whether he loves you or is infatuated with you.

What you simply have to do is examine whether he has any real reasons to love you apart from being physically attracted to you.

  • Does he know who you really are? 
  • Have the two of you spent a significant amount of time doing romantic and loving things together? 
  • Have you been open enough for him to fall in love? 
  • Have you faced tough times together? 
  • Have the two of you been intimate in any form?

These are usually the things that precede or occur during the phase of falling in love. 

5. He starts texting you more frequently

Something you will always notice in developing relationships is an escalation of communication between both parties if the feelings are mutual.

Not only will he want to see you more often but he’ll text you more frequently too. 

The time between his texts will shorten when he is available and he’ll appear to be more enthusiastic, flirtatious and affectionate. 

We want to be closer to the people we love and I’ve seen this with every guy I know, even the ones who are naturally not great at texting.

If it doesn’t happen, that doesn’t automatically mean he doesn’t love you. But, if it does occur, it’s usually a good sign.

Trust me when I tell you that I receive so many emails on a regular basis from guys who want me to advise them. 

One of the most common things I notice is a high frequency of texting from their end.

Related post: How guys text when they like you

6. He tries to meet you more often

I may have mentioned this before but with growing attraction and love, men will desire your attention and affection more often.

He’ll start to prioritize the time you spend together over most things and he’ll not shy away from showing his desire to be with you. 

On the flip side, a man who isn’t actually in love with you will make all sorts of excuses for why he’s too busy to meet you.

Yet, you’ll find that he’s out with his friends all the time or doing other mundane things all over social media.

If it starts to feel like you’re chasing him just to get some attention after all this time, you probably are and it’s most likely a sign of low interest from him. 

7. He tries to solve your problems

Men have a white knight syndrome within us. We feel like it feeds our ego or manly complex to rescue a woman from her problems.

We’re not actually undermining you nor do we feel like you aren’t capable of taking care of yourself.

It’s just in our nature to show this strength of providing and fixing your issues.

In doing so, we are trying to prove our love for you and in essence, earn yours. 

There is a caveat, though. Some men will trick you into believing that they care about you because they have an abundance of resources. 

To you, it may seem like such a caring and loving gesture when in reality, it doesn’t mean much to him because he has all this money to spend. 

You’ll be fooled into believing that he’s a good guy when in reality, he’s just a rich guy who is out to serve himself other than you or those around him.

Be cognizant of a man’s intentions more so than just the display of his wealth.

I think there’s a fine line between a man who loves you and wants to help you because he cares about you versus a man who does things for you to get you. 

The former is an act of selfless love whereas the latter is a sign of selfish desire despite being masked as caring. 

8. He is supportive of your goals and dreams

I’ve come to realize that love isn’t just about being intimately affectionate or doing lavish things with your partner that’s overly romantic.

There’s a place and time for all of those things but love starts to matter during those difficult times in life.

When you’re feeling low or embarking on a scary and unpredictable journey towards finding your purpose in life, that’s when the support of your partner becomes truly impactful.

A good man who loves you will provide support in the form of comfort and assurance that everything will be okay.

He will encourage you and provide you with the sense of partnership on those days when you’re uncertain and feeling defeated. 

Being able to rely on your partner’s belief and support is so empowering.

If you have a man who genuinely appears to be invested in your goals and dreams to the point of providing you with support and encouragement, then you have a good man by your side. 

A man who doesn’t actually love you will do the opposite.


He’ll try to mold you in a way that suits his agenda. 

That’s not loving, even if it’s concealed in what appears to be concern and care. 

9. He accepts you for the person that you are

Too many people date for potential. In other words, they think that someone is worth dating because they can become the kind of person they envision them to be. 

This is a recipe for disaster because you can never change someone unless they want to change. 

And, you shouldn’t have to.

This is why so many relationships fail because people are not willing to be objective when it comes to their selection of partner’s.

If someone doesn’t tick crucial boxes on your checklist for the ideal partner, you shouldn’t lure them into a relationship under the pretense of loving them for who they are and then pushing them into becoming what you want to be.

That is deceitful and manipulative. 

More so than that, it sets the two of you up for suffering because a sense of acceptance is substituted for criticism and overwhelming pressure to change. 

A man who loves you is one who understands the kind of person you are and is accepting of that.

I’m not saying that it’s acceptable for you to use this as a crutch to validate toxic and bad habits or behavior.

This is applicable to your core and essence as a person.

Related post: 20 Qualities of a good man to marry

10. He plans for the future with you

You can usually tell when a man is in love with you based on his perception of the future. 

Granted, not everyone wants to get married in this day and age but this is something to ascertain early on during the dating phase to determine whether he’s right for you.

He’ll talk about future dates, things he wants to do with you, relationship goals and even sharing a life with you.

Men who are afraid of commitment or not in love will often be extremely vague when it comes to the future with you.

Getting a straight answer from him will seem like a mission and his excuses will never truly ease your anxiety.

The opposite is true for men who love you.

This is one of the ways on how to tell if he loves you.

Ask yourself whether you’re always left feeling disappointed or let down when you bring up the future or his feelings related to your relationship. 

11. He keeps bringing up wanting to be in a relationship with you

Building on what I mentioned above, if he loves you, he’s going to want a relationship with you provided that there aren’t any big obstacles standing in your way. 

Even someone who is afraid of commitment will work through those issues to be with you because that’s the effect true love has on a man.

He’s going to work on it to be with you and in some unfortunate cases, he’s going to work on it after he loses you.

But, one thing is for sure, he’ll become territorial over you because of that love and in essence, be exclusive with you. 

Related post: 15 Signs that a man is pursuing you

12. He doesn’t sabotage your life

I am of the school of thought who believes that true love isn’t disastrous and selfish. 

When you are dealing with a man who will go so far as to sabotage what you value to have you, then that is not love. 

That’s the description of a man who is in love with himself and his own desires. 

Perhaps he views you as a challenge or he has an obsession with you, he’ll do whatever it takes to get you, even if that means ultimately destroying your life. 

On the flip side, a man who actually loves you is someone who will add to your life in a meaningful and wholesome way.

He will be your support structure, your voice of reason as well as a source of happiness and passion. 

This kind of man will respect you as well as give you the freedom to grow as an individual.

In my opinion, this is how you tell if he loves you.

Think about whether he is encouraging you to do things that are of benefit to your life instead of leading you down a path of shame, regret, guilt, pain and suffering.

In conclusion

When asking yourself the question of how do I tell if he loves me, keep in mind whether this is a question that stems from being hurt, betrayed, unappreciated and abused.

A man who genuinely loves you will not intentionally put you in the position of feeling those emotions. 

Granted, life and relationships can get messy and people do make mistakes. But, you should never be consumed by these emotions when it comes to love. 

And if you do feel these things, it is imperative that you observe his behavior towards you afterwards.

If he is doing everything in his power to make you feel loved, shows genuine remorse, puts in the work to treat you in the manner that you deserve and is expressing sincerity, then an argument can be made that he does indeed love you. 

That may not indicate that he is right for you or that a relationship is a healthy viable choice in your life but it will at least provide an answer as to whether or not he loves you. 

Besides that, I would keep an eye on all the above discussed signs he loves you because they are usually always correct. 

With that being said, I hope you found this article on how to tell if he loves me to be insightful, eye-opening and helpful. Please feel free to leave your questions or thoughts in the comment section below.

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