Every relationship comes with the risk of being cheated on, right? But, we take that chance because realizing true love is worth it. Unfortunately, when you do get cheated on, it’s a huge deal and in today’s article, we need to talk about how being cheated on changes you.
Because change can be long-lasting. It may completely alter the way you think about life itself.
Your behavior and self image undergo a change as well.
Sadly, most of these changes don’t work to your advantage. If anything, they alter your mindset and behavior in a way that is self-destructive or painful.
By identifying how being cheated on changes you, it becomes easier to find solutions and fixes that restores your self-image, mindset and perception of romance.
Most of what we discuss below will be about the negative effects of being cheated on but that doesn’t mean there isn’t anything to be gained from it.
On the contrary, with the right mindset and approach to this form of adversity, you can find positives in a negative situation.
With that being said, let’s talk about all the ways being cheated on changes you.
Being cheated on changes the way you see yourself
It’s ironic how the act of cheating is a reflection of the cheater’s weak character and yet the one who was cheated on is often left feeling worthless or undervalued.
Your ex did not cheat because you were deficient in some way. On the contrary, your ex is the one deficient of morals and ethics.
Because your ex didn’t value you enough to stave his or her desire to cheat, it plants this self-doubting seed in your mind.
You start to entertain the possibility of your ex having a reason for their actions that was influenced by you.
A lot of unfortunate people go through this and it hurts their confidence, self-worth and self-esteem.
Being cheated on alters your perception of love and romance
When you were younger, cheating and betrayal in a romantic sense was not a factor in your mind, right?
This is especially true if you come from a household of parents who did not cheat on each other.
Without that baggage of being cheated on, it’s easy to adopt the idea that love and romance are pure and devoid of betrayal.
When it happens, it’s shocking beyond belief. Your foundational belief of love and romance starts to shake and crumble.
Suddenly, you’re now faced with this first person experience of betrayal. What makes it hurt the most is that you loved this person and truly believed that they loved you.
You develop an expectation that this love will conquer all. When it doesn’t, the harsh reality of life whips you without remorse.
Naturally, it’s going to affect the way you perceive love. Some people get disillusioned and lose faith in the idea of true love.
This is unfortunate. Others, tend to take a more optimistic and correct approach to the situation by realizing that character and sacrifice add long-lasting depth to love.
Rather than give up on love, they refine their requirements for love.
Being cheated on makes you highly suspicious
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.“ As much as there’s merit to this statement, it actually contributes to a suspicious and wary mindset.
It works to some extent, especially when it comes to measuring the character of a potential love interest. But, without boundaries, caution turns to delusional suspicion.
When all your focus is on the possibility of being cheated on, you’ll interpret life and every situation in a way that feeds into your suspicion.
The problem with that is you could end up disqualifying genuine people or ruining a relationship that could have actually been amazing and long-lasting.
No relationship thrives under a suspicious lens.
Like, what’s the point of being with someone if you can’t love wholly and enjoy yourself? It defeats the whole purpose of commitment.
There’s a level of suspicion that can be helpful and healthy to your well being.
But when it starts dictating everything that takes place in your relationship, it could be extremely toxic and detrimental to your happiness.
Being cheated on creates walls of defense that are difficult to break down
Given that you went through something that affected your life in more than one way, it’s expected that you will be hesitant to be as trusting in the future.
This extends far beyond suspicion.
When someone closes themselves off from the idea of love, it becomes incredibly difficult for someone to break down those walls.
They could do everything right and be the best person you would have ever met but if you’re not open to love, everything they do will just fly over your head.
It’s hard for anyone to earn your trust when everything they do never extend further than your realm of doubt and suspicion.
Being cheated on ruins your happiness in a relationship
If you haven’t been able to make peace with the past and move on, it’s mighty hard to get over the fear of being cheated on.
You may start questioning everything your new partner does, it might turn you into someone hypercritical or it might just turn you into a pessimistic lover.
Rather than give your partner the benefit of the doubt, your first reaction may be to freak out and leave the situation to avoid any possibility of getting cheated on again and hurt.
It’s hard to be happy when all you’re doing is looking over your shoulder and constantly trying to avoid getting cheated on.
You have to be willing to take a chance on someone and give them the space to choose you over someone else.
Being a helicopter partner is a turn-off. Your clingy, overbearing and controlling behavior may get out of hand and chase people away.
Being cheated on makes you wiser
Not everything that happens after being cheated on is bad. In fact, it makes you more mature, wiser and privy to the warning signs of someone who is bad for you.
When I reflect on the time I was cheated on, it taught me many lessons. I’m more equipped to identify red flags, problems in a relationship and lies than I ever was before.
Since then, the quality of the partners I’ve had has been exponentially better. That’s one of the silver linings in this situation.
Once you know how to identify a trashy partner, it’s difficult to get fooled.
Another important lesson you can learn from being cheated on is how to be a better partner.
I’m not saying that your actions contributed to why you were cheated on.
But, to avoid questioning your efforts and to remove any doubt from the situation, you can do everything humanly possible to avoid this situation. Check out this list of tips on how to be a better partner.
Being cheated on helps you to appreciate your loved ones
From all the ways it changes you, I think this is one of the best outcomes you can have after a shitty experience.
For some reason, it can be so easy to take good and loving people for granted when you are caught up chasing after someone or something.
Little do we realize how valuable those people are. It’s mostly when we experience the venomous bite of a bad and unfaithful person do we truly realize how special it is to have people who cherish commitment.
Once you find a partner who truly loves and respects you, it’s almost impossible not to appreciate them because you’ve tasted betrayal before.
When you can surround yourself with loyal, faithful and good people, it becomes infinitely easier to avoid those who are toxic and bad.
Nurture healthy relationships and you’ll never find yourself living with regret.
You’ll even start to attract higher quality lovers into your life.
You get to decide how being cheated on affects you
I’ve come to realize that life happens for us, not to us. As long as we continue to push forward and grow, the things that hurt us today become the lessons we carry into the future.
By adopting the mindset of a fighter, we can avoid being ruled negatively by those people who betrayed us.
Infidelity is devastating. It’s horrible. But, it’s not the one thing that defines you.
Allowing someone’s selfish and destructive decision to rule and ruin the rest of your life is pointless.
Don’t give them that kind of power over you.
The moment they sacrificed their commitment to the relationship is the moment you sacrifice their say in your life completely and utterly.
And if you’re able to forgive someone who cheats on you, never allow them to get away with it again.
Maintain your self-dignity in whatever decision you make. I promise you that the pain and suffering you’ve experienced will not live with you for the rest of your life.
Acknowledge it, feel it and make peace with it.
Leave it in the past, forget about that person and focus on your well being and happiness.
It’s perfectly okay for you to be selfish right now by prioritizing your happiness and recovery.
If you’ve developed a fear of being cheated on, check out this article on how to overcome it.
With that being said, I hope you found value and insight on how being cheated on changes you.
Please head over to the comment section below to share your experiences, questions or thoughts.
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