His rebound relationships went wrong and he came back. You’re probably feeling a mixture of excitement and happiness with uncertainty and some betrayal. You’re plagued by the idea that he rebounded with someone else after being with you.
I get it.
I would feel the same.
In fact, some of my coaching clients run into the same situation.
They can’t marry their logic with their emotional reaction to their ex rebounding.
Even though they understand that it’s not cheating since their ex moved on after breaking up, it still feels like a betrayal because they expected a greater degree of commitment to the love shared between them.
It conflicts with the fantasy of love in our minds.
When we fall in love and enter a relationship with someone, on some level, there’s this romanticized idea that your partner only has eyes for you and that your love is irreplaceable.
Upon the discovery that they quickly rebound after breaking up, it shatters that fantasy even though you share a strong connection with reality.
This leads you on a journey of acceptance that often proves to be excruciatingly painful.
You resist the urge of stalking their social media profiles but you battle a war of comparison that threatens the core of your self esteem.
It’s messy.
Self defeated thoughts can form into beliefs, especially about your worth and desirability compared to his new girlfriend.
Instead of comforting yourself after suffering a loss in your life when the relationship ended, you are now faced with an overwhelming scenario that hurts you in a completely different way.
If this isn’t the personification of emotional exhaustion, I don’t know what is.
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You begin to question the relationship, his love and the promises made between each other.
Naturally, you’re confused, rejected and hurt.
A big part of you hopes that this was just a phase and that he realizes how important or special you were.
So much so, that he ends his rebound relationship and comes back to you.
That fantasy creates hope and a pinch of comfort with a large serving of anxiety and doubt.
Then, it happens.
His rebound relationship went wrong and he came back.
You were excited and relieved to hear this. You fantasized about him coming back to validate the love you believe is shared between the two of you.
However, instead of feeling vindicated/validated and excited, you’re left with feelings of confusion, betrayal, weirdness and uncertainty.
Now, you’re unsure if it’s possible for you to see your ex or the love he claims to feel for you in the same way you once did.
Had he only came back without rebounding, you probably would have happily taken him back.
But, the fact that he rebounded has changed things for you.
You need to read this article: My ex came back after months of no contact. What should I do?
Should You Take Him Back After His Rebound Relationships Fail?
The question of the hour is this.
You don’t know how to feel about being with him again.
You’re uncertain of whether he truly loves you and if you can truly love him again because of what has occurred.
This is completely natural and a healthy way of reacting.
As much as it’s painful to be in this situation, it tells me that your self respect is still intact.
Your internal protective mechanism is functioning correctly and is trying to warn you against making a poor decision for your long term happiness and sense of self.
I can’t tell you whether you should take him back after his rebound relationships went wrong.
This is a decision that only you have to make.
It is your life and your heart at stake.
But, what I can do is help guide you to make a decision that is best for you.
I am not of the opinion that you should make any extreme decision without examining all the circumstances at play.
Understanding why someone rebounds will be helpful to you.
You need to read this article: Why rebound relationships fail?
Quick Note: I’ve helped countless people figure out whether to reconcile with their ex and I’ve helped facilitate that with my email coaching. You can read more about this email coaching offer by checking out my Services Page.
Why Did He Rebound After Breaking Up?
In most cases, people rebound because they are afraid of being alone and need another relationship to mask their pain.
People who are incapable of being single for long durations of time are often looking to fill a void in their life.
The suffering endured from this void is often more overpowering than their emotions of love.
Essentially, rebound relationships are not an instant sign of someone falling out of love with their ex.
One could argue that it’s the exact opposite.
But, in the same breath, it could be indicative of something more sinister like monkey branching.
Monkey branching is a term coined for people who jump from one romantic partner to the other. Often, the rebound partner is someone who entered the picture before your relationship even ended.
This is what makes monkey branching sinister because it is fleshed out by degrees of infidelity in the form of emotional connection and ongoing communication during your relationship.
If this is the case, you would be unwise to reconcile with your ex because he has shown streaks of disloyal behavior when things in your relationship go bad or when he gets bored.
What we know is that most relationships go through waves of monotony, troubles and boredom.
That’s when loyalty comes into play.
A person’s loyalty is truly tested when they have the opportunity to deceive or cheat and they choose not to.
He may not be a loyal person and you now have proof of that.
The risk factor within your relationship has now increased and you may not feel the same degree of safety or security with him that you felt before.
- Would you be able to enjoy the relationship without the same level of trust you had in him before? Maybe. Maybe not.
- Can trust be earned back? Yes.
- But, is it guaranteed that you’ll ever trust in the manner that you did before? No. It’s not guaranteed at all.
You may always walk around with a slight amount of distrust in him and this could fester in behavior that doesn’t make you a good partner anymore.
At that point, you end up attracting what you fear.
A good way of deciding on whether to reconcile with him is by asking him questions about this rebound relationship.
Only do so if you are prepared for all possible outcomes.
What you hear may completely break your heart and destroy any chance of you being with him again even though you want to.
Be sure about this.
If you choose to walk away and not reconcile, then explain your reasons to him respectfully and then focus on healing.
It’s going to be painful but I suggest you spend time feeling your emotions to heal them.
One of the worst ways to deal with painful emotions is to resist them.
Most people express, repress or escape their emotions but this creates a festering wound that poisons your emotional and mental well being slowly over years or decades.
It can spill out in destructive ways that prevent you from experiencing true joy and love again.
Instead, surrender to painful emotions and let them pass through you without judgment.
So, if you’re feeling betrayed, allow yourself to experience that painful emotion without labeling yourself in any toxic or defeated manner.
Don’t label the emotion as good or bad either, let it be what it is.
Avoid escaping it with vices or constantly talking to other people for unsustainable doses of comfort and esteem.
Most importantly, avoid pretending like it doesn’t exist.
Instead, find a certain amount of time in your day to experience those emotions and then resume with your life.
More often than not, you won’t want to sit and cry or feel that emotion for hours on end.
It will pass through you within a few minutes to an hour and then it will be followed by some relief or calmness.
Rinse and repeat this until you have completely let go of these painful emotions.
After you’ve been through this, you’ll have complete clarity on whether you want to consider reconciling with your ex or not.
I want to also share another possibility that could be true.
He sought out a rebound relationship and realized that he still loves you.
This could very well be the reason why his rebound relationships went wrong.
Afterall, most rebound relationships are just an escape mechanism for unresolved feelings.
So, just because he rebounded doesn’t mean he stopped loving you or doesn’t feel love towards you right now.
You need to read this article: What to do if your ex is in a rebound relationship
Final Thoughts
I want you to know that it’s okay to be cautious and to take your time before making any decision about reconciling with him.
If he is sincere to his word and is now committed to winning you back, he shouldn’t be turned off at the idea of taking things slow and waiting for you to rebuild trust.
This is especially true for cases in which he dumped you and ended the relationship.
The one who ends the relationship often has to put a greater degree of effort into rekindling the romance and connection needed for a new relationship.
You should make an effort but never to the point of compensating for him.
Allow this to be a test.
If he passes, you may find yourself feeling strongly about being with him again.
On the flip side, you may feel like too much has happened and you are uncomfortable with reconciling.
With that being said, if you need my help with a situation like this or you want to get an ex back, check out my Services Page for more information on how to get email coaching from me for a month. I hope you found this article on why his rebound relationship went wrong and he came back to be helpful and insightful.