Things in your love life were going great until suddenly, he drops a bombshell on you. He doesn’t want to be with you anymore and decides to end the relationship. But, instead of going your separate ways, he wants to be friends after dumping you.
The reasons why he wants to be friends after dumping you are to soften the blow of ending the relationship, finding comfort knowing you’re still in his life when he experiences uncomfortable feelings and to keep you as an option.
In some situations, he wants to be friends after dumping you out of guilt.
He feels bad about hurting you and assumes that friendship will make you feel better and make him feel less guilty.
Very rarely will he want to be friends with you solely for the reason of being friends!
Unless, of course, you were good friends before the relationship then it’s possible.
More often than not, his reasons are selfish and self-centered when he wants to be friends.
I think it would be highly beneficial for us to discuss all of the reasons why he wants to be friends after dumping you because it can shed some light on his psyche, what he aims to achieve and whether it’s something you should agree to.
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1. He wants to soften the blow of ending the relationship
Breakups are traumatic.
There’s the pain and fear of having to actually go through with the breakup and having that conversation which can turn extremely ugly at times.
Then, there’s the pain and suffering from actually having to split from your partner.
Pulling the rug from under their feet is difficult.
And that’s something I never really considered until I had to walk away from a relationship.
It’s not easy to tell someone who loves you that this relationship isn’t working and you want to part ways.
You start to feel afraid of what your partner is going to say, how they’re going to react and so forth.
This is especially the case before breaking up.
The dumper will play out this conversation and situation in their minds a thousand times.
Rarely is it ever a spur-of-the-moment decision.
To avoid that, the dumper assumes that he can avoid having to deal with your reaction by just suggesting to be friends.
Additionally, he knows that he’ll miss you. Attachment can exist outside of romantic feelings.
So, despite not being in love with you anymore, he probably is still attached to you.
The routine, the plans and the life you both built together is not something he can just walk away from with ease.
To prevent that from being too difficult on himself, he wants to be friends after dumping you.
It’s a self-preservation tool more so than an undying desire to have you in his life.
2. Finding comfort in knowing you’re still in his life
Here’s the crazy part about breakups, even the dumper will experience all those traumatic feelings of separation once the high of ending the relationship wears off.
One of the reasons why it seems like the dumper suffers less during the initial stages after a breakup is because they took complete control of the situation.
That feeling of power is intoxicating. It would make anyone feel like they’re in control of their life and everything happening in it.
But, what they don’t realize is that the control or power they feel will wear off very soon after the breakup.
When they’re alone with their thoughts, not enjoying their breakup, feeling separation anxiety or simply missing you, it’s going to hurt.
At which point, they’ll start to question their decision of ending the relationship.
If you allow them to walk away and try to use no contact, this will cause his anxiety and fear to spike.
He’ll begin to consider the possibility that he may never hear from you again.
To avoid this, he wants to be friends after dumping you.
It’s an easy way to find comfort and move on whenever the fears and anxiety hits.
Once again, it’s a defense and self-preserving mechanism designed to help him cope with his decision and to facilitate the easiest way to move on from you.
Related post: 30 signs he doesn’t love you anymore
3. To keep you as an option
Of all the reasons why he wants to be friends after dumping you, this is by far the most selfish.
It’s so unfair and underhanded to dangle a carrot in front of someone without the intention of letting them have it.
Some men will dump you and keep you around in case things don’t work out for them in their love life.
Even worse, some men will try to transition into friends with benefits sort of relationship while you’re under the impression that he may want to get back together or be genuine friends.
This is unhealthy.
It devalues your worth and practically rewards him for dumping you.
What you’ll notice is that he’ll barely put any effort into the so-called friendship. He may even disappear for some time.
Suddenly, he’ll pop up again talking about how much he misses you.
You’ll see him for a bit but then he’ll phase himself out again only to repeat the process.
When he disappears, it’s usually because he has met someone else or is dating other people.
When he comes back, it’s because something went wrong with that other person or his love life.
Now, ask yourself this question – does this sound like the behavior of someone who truly wants to be your friend?
4. He cares about you
Up until now, I’ve only discussed the selfish and inconsiderate reasons why he wants to be friends after dumping you.
However, that doesn’t negate the possibility that he wants to be friends with you because he cares about you and truly believes that the two of you can transition into a healthy friendship.
Some relationships end because two people outgrow each other. It sucks, sure, but it happens and it’s okay.
Nobody is to blame.
If nobody is to blame and you accept the outcome of his decision, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to cut each other off altogether.
When two good people part ways from a romantic relationship, it’s healthy for them to have some space from each other but if they can be supportive at times through friendly communication, that isn’t a problem at all.
It really depends on how you feel, his intentions and what would be the best way for you to move forward in life without getting stuck in the past or tormented by the breakup.
But, if he genuinely cares about you, you’ll sense the sincerity in his desire to be friends.
Related post: He likes me but doesn’t want a relationship
Should you be friends after he dumps you?
No, it’s not a good idea to be friends with him after the breakup until you have moved on and made peace with the past.
Additionally, if he is a toxic person who has added a lot of stress, drama, tension and problems to your life, being his friend is not a good idea at all because all that negative energy will sabotage you from moving on and finding peace.
Another reason why you shouldn’t agree to be friends with him after he dumps you is because that is not a smart way to win him back if you don’t want to give up on the relationship.
It might be more effective to use no contact rather than agree to being friends and watching him move on with his life while you’re waiting for the chance to get him back.
Seeing him with other women will only hurt your feelings.
So, for these reasons, I don’t think you should be friends with him, at least not for a while.
Tips on what to do if you decide to be friends with him after the breakup
You need to draw up some rules and boundaries. Things cannot be the same as they were during the relationship, especially when it comes to respecting your privacy.
I would suggest that you avoid spending too much time with him after the breakup because it can mess with your emotions.
Rather than move on, you might find yourself wanting him back and falling more in love with him.
This is not healthy for you.
Apart from that, I would advise you to avoid his social media updates if you are not completely for the breakup or you are still very much attached to him.
Guys are unpredictable and I’m more than certain that it will hurt you to see him flirting with other women online.
Also, avoid dredging up problems in the relationship or issues from the past.
If you rehash the events of the breakup and your relationship, it could cause unnecessary problems for you now.
Deciding on whether or not you are comfortable with being friends with him after he dumped you is something you’ll have to figure out on your own.
However, please do not agree to be friends with him if you are still in love.
I cannot stress this enough.
It will drive you crazy and the entire experience will leave you with a ton of scars and suffering.
You need to prioritize your own happiness and well being right now.
I know that it’s difficult to ignore him but when you make this decision, only think about what you want and what will make you happy.
That’s the most important thing to consider right now.
With that being said, I hope this article has adequately shed some light on why he wants to be friends after dumping you. Please share your thoughts or questions for me in the comment section below and I’ll be sure to reply.