Isn’t it frustrating and confusing when a man takes hours to reply when you text him so punctually? I’m sure it is and you’re probably afraid that he’s losing interest, getting annoyed at you or talking to other girls. This begs the question, if he takes hours to reply, should I do the same?
Yes, you should do the same if there’s a valid reason for you to do so. To match and mirror someone’s effort can prevent the misconception of being needy, desperate or clingy. But, I would also go so far as to say that you should not waste your time on someone who is not willing to match your energy.
What is important to note is whether he has a valid and justifiable reason for why he takes hours to reply.
If he is legitimately busy but makes a sincere, honest and genuine effort to reply whenever he can, then you don’t need to wait hours to respond to his replies.
It would be unnecessary and it will not facilitate the healthy development of attraction, closeness, trust and respect.
But, if you are dealing with a man who is taking hours to reply because he’s wasting your time, talking to other girls, acting disinterested or forcing you to chase him then you should either do the same or not waste your time with him altogether.
It’s not a game worth playing and you risk getting burnt altogether while wasting precious time and energy on the wrong guy.
And if you are in a volatile state, this may influence your entire perception of men in a manner that doesn’t align with your greater desires of wanting a healthy relationship or marriage.
What you will learn in life is that you cannot avoid crossing paths with the wrong guys but you can avoid wasting your time, effort and emotion on them.
You have control over who you choose to invest in and if you are unwilling to invest in a man who can’t make time to text you back a few times per day, then maintain that standard because it won’t lead you astray.
Okay, so, let’s agree that your texting behavior and effort with him should be altered depending on the reason why he takes hours to reply.
Which reasons necessitate a change in your behavior?
Well, I think we need to discuss those reasons in detail so that you are fully aware of why they are problematic.
Related post: Why are his texts so dry?
Reasons Why He Takes Hours To Reply And Why You Should Too
1. He’s talking to other girls
When a man is talking to other girls and you notice how he’s pulling away from you, chasing him or trying to win back his attention with more effort will not work unless the primary reason for him entertaining other girls is because you weren’t giving him the time of day.
Granted, if you’re in a relationship, this shouldn’t fly at all.
But, if you’re in the courtship phase, you have to play your cards in a manner that maintains self-respect and dignity.
This is when you need to match and mirror his effort.
If you try to chase him or text him instantly each time, he’s not going to value your effort.
In fact, he’s going to assume that it’s okay for him to take as long as he wants to text you back because you’ll reply instantly no matter what.
2. He doesn’t respect your time
You don’t have control over how others choose to treat you but you have complete control over how you choose to respond to them.
I am of the belief that if you reward someone for behavior that doesn’t respect you, they will repeat that behavior and you can’t blame them because you allowed them to.
This is why it’s important for you to take just as long to reply to him if he takes hours to reply to you for no justifiable reason.
If you are not a priority to him, then he shouldn’t be a priority to you.
Granted, you should make a fair attempt to communicate your feelings about these issues and request more effort from him.
But, if he’s unwilling to follow through on his promises to make an effort to text you back more punctually, then there has to be some form of consequence for this.
A man who doesn’t respect you will never truly love you in the way that you deserve.
And those who are willing to stand up for themselves and exercise their dignity and self-respect are often the people who garner respect from others.
Related post: What does it mean if he hasn’t replied in 3 hours?
3. He’s not that interested
Unfortunately, you can’t force someone to be interested in you or to stay interested. The only thing you can do is show up as your best self and avoid doing things that inhibit or destroy interest and attraction.
If this is the case, it wouldn’t matter as much if you took a few hours to reply to him or not unless your texting habits from before were the reason that he lost interest in you.
If they weren’t and he just doesn’t have that kind of interest in you, it’s going to show.
You’ll find yourself feeling like a low priority in his life and most of his texts will lack effort or enthusiasm despite him being online often.
Related post: Should you text a guy if he hasn’t replied?
4. He’s playing games
You will cross paths with men who are players and manipulative and it’s hard to spot them because they’re so good at convincing and charming you into thinking that they are straightforward and serious.
Yet, over time, they’ll pull back or string you along with little doses of attention followed by spells of distance and silence as a way of keeping you stuck in this limbo that makes you want to chase them.
It’s childish and immature of him if you are displaying obvious signs of wanting to be with him and making an effort to cultivate a relationship.
This constant forward and backward motion is frustrating and a waste of time because it doesn’t ever amount to something long-lasting and serious because he won’t let it get there.
Some men are addicted to the chase and they will cultivate scenarios that remain in that sphere.
That’s why he takes hours to reply because it doesn’t allow for a free flow of communication that escalates things to a level of seriousness he’s avoiding.
5. He’s using you for attention and validation
If we make the claim that some men are addicted to the chase, then we have to make the argument that others are addicted to attention and validation.
As a woman, I’m sure you’ve encountered other women who are the same.
They’re clearly attractive and could have a solid relationship if they wanted but because their hierarchy of importance is built on attention, they constantly need it.
Getting it from a single person in a relationship doesn’t do it for these people long term and when they get attention from other people, it draws them to it.
This is unhealthy but it would explain why he takes hours to reply.
He knows that by doing so, you’ll chase him by double texting, calling or trying to get confirmation that he still is interested in you.
These are obvious signs of attraction and desire which fulfill his desire for attention and validation.
Unless he’s willing to work on this and change, you’ll be playing cat and mouse with him even if he agrees to be in a relationship with you.
Related post: Should I block him if he ignores me?
6. He feels as if his freedom is being threatened
When a man feels like his freedom is being threatened by a relationship or a woman who wants one, he can get scared off if he is usually afraid of commitment or extremely introverted.
Usually, excessive texting and pushing things too fast can have an adverse effect on some people.
This may result in them backing off and becoming increasingly slow to reply to texts.
Examine your texting behavior with him leading up to this occurring and honestly assess whether you were overpursuing him.
If you were, slowing down and replying within the same timeframe that he does can undo some of that damage and pull him closer to you.
When writing this article, I was reminded of how frustrating and disappointing this part of dating can be.
Why do we have to jump through hurdles and loops just to nurture a proper relationship?
Because I have been through this before and I’ve experimented enough to understand all of this stuff, it may come easy to me when I face this situation and I easily adjust my texting behavior as I interact with people.
But, when I really think about all the love stories and relationships that I have had, most of them never began with this issue.
If anything, things would often escalate with ease and excitement.
Two people who were enamored by each other and wanted to spend as much time as possible getting to know one another.
We didn’t have to constantly keep track of the time between our texts because we made time to talk and text while also making time for other areas that are important for personal development.
I think you should approach texting and dating in this manner.
If you are not sitting on your phone all day and night texting a guy constantly but you’re trying to build a life you enjoy while making time to text a guy when you can in your day, that’s perfect.
Find a guy who matches that and is happy or excited when you text him.
He may not reply immediately but he gets back to you whenever he can and when he does, he’s enthusiastic and makes you feel heard, understood and appreciated just by his texts alone.
That’s what you deserve from courtship and a relationship!
If you have a habit of over pursuing and being needy on text, dial it back a bit and take a similar amount of time to reply to him as he does to you.
This will balance things out if he is actually sincere and has a genuine interest in you.
If it doesn’t, then he’s not worth your time and you should walk away or friend zone him.
That brings us to the end of this article on the reason why he takes hours to reply and if you should do the same. Before you go, feel free to ask any questions or share your thoughts with me by leaving a comment below.