Should you be concerned if he seems interested in person but not over text? It depends on the type of guy, his texting habits, how long you know him and whether you’ve been chasing him or not.
Typically, men who are interested in women have a hard time avoiding their desire to connect.
It’s an impulse control issue worsened by the desire for instant gratification.
Nothing provides instant gratification like texting and social media.
For most men, this proves to be true and it actually makes it easier for women to spot a man who is interested in her based on his texting habits.
If you asked me to explain the signs of a man who likes you over text, I would say this:
- He initiates contact.
- His texts are flirty and fun.
- He replies punctually.
- His texts are open-ended.
- He asks you questions and appears interested in your thoughts and feelings.
- He checks up on you after some time.
The average man who is genuinely interested in getting a girlfriend will display this behavior.
Men who have more options, men who are uncertain, men who are players and men who don’t like to text won’t display most of these signs unless they’re in love with you.
That’s the difference.
With that being said, let’s quickly examine some of the most plausible reasons why he seems interested in person but not over text.
Reasons Why He Seems Interested In Person But Not Over Text
1. He’s talking to other girls
I’m going to start off with the reason you probably don’t want to know but it’s a possibility.
During those early days of courtship, it’s not uncommon for him to be talking to other girls.
It doesn’t imply that they’re going to get him or that he’s into them more than you.
He probably wouldn’t be seeing you if that were the case.
But, he’s still getting to know you and the close bond hasn’t developed yet for him to prioritize more time towards texting you.
This is especially true if it has only been under a month since you started talking to each other.
Give it more time and focus on being fun, flirty and confident. It will help open him up and when things start to progress in person, you can let him know that you like it when he texts you and so forth.
This will encourage him to make more of an effort because you’re rewarding him with praise for doing something good.
He’ll want to do more of it, provided that he cares enough about you.
Related post: Should you double text a guy if he hasn’t replied?
2. He’s uncertain about his interest level
When a man is uncertain about his feelings, he’ll also appear to run hot and cold.
You don’t know what’s going on in the background and whether there’s someone else in the picture or not.
He could be dealing with other issues in his life or still resolving unfinished business with an ex.
It takes time for those feelings to diminish which is why he may seem to be distant and reclusive for now.
In-person, he’s dialed in and most likely focusing on you.
So, it’s easier for him to enjoy his natural attraction and interest for you in person versus when he’s not with you.
Give it time.
Some people develop feelings faster than others, especially those who are ready, willing and open to love.
3. He’s a player
There are some men who get a kick out of dating multiple women without committing to any.
For these men, it’s all about what they can get.
Attention, validation, fun, sex and constant admiration drive them.
They’re not looking for a deeper connection or if they are, it is not contingent on commitment and loyalty.
He’s probably meeting and texting multiple other ladies which is why he seems uninterested in text.
For a long time, you’ll remain at arm’s length before he cuts you off or you catch him in lies.
4. He doesn’t like to text
At a certain level, there are men who do not have time to text often.
They have too much on their plate and prefer to make time in-person to bond and connect.
Usually, men who have a particular ethos on business conquests tend to be less available to text.
They are primarily driven by the accomplishment of feats in whichever area of life matters most to them as men.
Alternatively, he’s just not one to sit on his phone and text much.
As such, his ability to text in the manner that he speaks in person is lacking.
Related post: Do guys overthink texts?
5. You’re chasing him too much
Another possible explanation may be that you’re chasing him.
In-person, he finds you attractive and the manner in which you carry yourself is much more interesting and confident than how you portray yourself on text.
He may feel like you’re coming on too strong, texting too frequently, double texting and showing all your cards too soon.
Men like a challenge.
Most people tend to undermine the value of that which they receive too easily or for free.
If you really want a man to pursue you as well and prioritize you in his life, it is important that you remain a challenge to some degree until you have reached a certain level of attraction and a mutual desire to be with each other.
This is one of the reasons why I encourage most people to match and mirror texting frequency and habits of those who they are trying to court.
It prevents you from coming on too strong or appearing uninterested because most of us read signs of attraction based on our own behavior towards it.
6. It’s still early and he’s taking it slow
There’s no guarantee that you will sync up emotionally with the person you’re interested in having a relationship with.
You may move at a faster or slower pace than him.
It’s important that you pay attention to his interest level.
If he’s making dates to be with you, talks about the future with you, is flirtatious, playful and open with you, things are progressing well.
As he becomes more available to you and makes more dates as you reach out to him, the natural conclusion is that he is developing a closer bond with you.
But, this may take time.
Sometimes, it’s two steps forward and one step back.
Approach the dance in this manner and when you feel the time is right, bring up exclusivity.
Just don’t rush the process.
A few weeks of knowing each other isn’t enough to make this out to be a problem unless you’re noticing a gradual decrease in interest and attraction.
7. He’s afraid of chasing you
Men who have been burnt and rejected badly by chasing women eventually reach a breaking point.
Rather than dial back their efforts modestly, they stop making much of an effort at all.
It’s problematic but it happens.
He may have developed texting habits that he perceives as non-threatening when it comes to the possibility of coming across as needy, desperate or clingy.
The problem is that he may not realize that he needs to adjust his texting habits in accordance with each situation and the person in question.
In this case, you’re perceiving his effort to be poor and a sign of low interest.
You could talk to him about it in person without being confrontational.
Let him know that sometimes you feel as if he’s bored texting you and it bums you out because you love talking to him.
Observe his behavior afterward and make a note of how he texts you thereafter.
If this was the reason, he’ll make a change and start texting you more enthusiastically and frequently.
Once he knows it’s safe for him to make more of an effort, I’m willing to bet he will.
Related post: He takes hours to reply, should I do the same?
This is something that I beat like a drum into all my articles because it’s true – things will work out easily with the right man.
You may hit a few obstacles along the way but they won’t be enough to hinder the progression into a healthy connection and loving relationship.
So long as it’s the right man, communication and effort will fix most, if not all, issues.
Start with a simple conversation about this and then observe his behavior. There’s no shame to express your desire to have more meaningful text conversations with him.
But, keep in mind the time that you know him, his lifestyle, his intentions and your gut instincts.
This will give you a clearer idea of how to handle this issue.
Just remember that it’s okay to communicate your needs to him.
Why would a man who likes you find it off-putting that you want to talk to him more often?
Meditate on that question.
You may get an answer that isn’t one you like. But, it will probably be the answer you need.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on why he seems interested in person but not over text to be clear, concise and helpful. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below to let me know.