Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of emails with the same question – what should I do if he is online but not texting me.
I figured that it would be helpful for me to share some of my insights on what a woman should do in this scenario to either attract him back or avoid appearing like she’s desperate or clingy.
There’s a fine line between pursuing a man and chasing a man. Too much of the latter and you risk chasing him out of your life and into the arms of a woman who is being more self-assured, confident and challenging.
Here’s a look at a list of things you can do if he is online but not texting you.
- Stop chasing him.
- Stop overwhelming him with labels.
- Match and mirror his texts.
- Send him a double text only once.
- Focus on being fun and flirty.
- Socialize with other people.
- Apologize if you have upset him.
- Don’t lash out or be rude.
It’s not good enough to just glance over these solutions without understanding the mindset and reasoning behind them.
You’ll end up making the wrong selection and possibly messing it up for yourself.
So, I strongly recommend that you read on because I’m going to explain these tips in more detail for you.
Related post: Should you double text a guy if he hasn’t replied?
How To Make Him Text You Back
1. Stop chasing him
Unless a guy is showing genuine interest in you and things are progressing healthily during the courtship, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing him as a woman.
By pursuing him, I mean initiating contact in the week to let him know that you can’t wait to see him again.
In other words, create opportunities for him to ask you out on a date or to spend time with you.
This is attractive and is a great way to make the right moves in the early phases while giving him the space to lead things naturally while also judging his interest level and so forth.
However, what you don’t want to do is chase him.
This means that you ought not to be sending him texts every day, trying to call him and get validation from him when he isn’t even replying to you.
It’s not going to work out well for you.
Here’s how to tell the difference between pursuing a man and chasing him. It’s subtle but the difference lies in how you feel before reaching out to him.
Pay attention to this next part because it will help you in future relationships.
Observe how you feel before reaching out to him. If you feel excitement, anticipation, nervousness and desire, then whatever you do at this point can be viewed as pursuing, which is healthy.
If you feel uncertain, afraid, scared, desperate or confused, then your behavior from this point onward is going to be a form of chasing which is unhealthy for you.
2. Stop overwhelming him with labels
Sometimes, men back off because they’re overwhelmed by a woman’s desire to get serious too fast.
Think about it for a second.
You’ve probably crossed paths with some guys in your life who were fine but because they tried to rush you into a commitment and came on way too strong all the time, it actually pushed you away.
It’s the same thing with men.
When they feel like their freedom is being threatened by a forceful woman trying to push them into a relationship way too fast, they back off and feel fear.
Related post: What does it mean when he starts texting less?
3. Match and mirror his texting
When you notice that a person is distancing themselves from you or showing less interest despite making an effort to figure out why and communicate with them, try matching their effort.
I’ve noticed during the courtship phase that there’s a sweet spot between showing interest and chasing.
Too little effort can ruin things as much as too much effort.
As you match and mirror, you’ll either slow down or increase your effort.
This will allow things to develop at a better pace and you’ll speed up or slow down enough to attract him.
4. Send him a double text only once
I’m not opposed to double texting when things are going well or during circumstances that warrant it.
However, when you’re wanting to double text from a fear of loss and desperation, it has an adverse effect and creates even more distance.
For this reason, I advise you to only double text once.
If he responds, you’ll get an idea of why he’s online but not texting you back. You’ll be able to tell if it was a situational reason like a work emergency or personal crisis or if he’s just showing a lack of interest.
Another reason why you don’t want to keep double texting him is because it sends the wrong message about your boundaries.
In other words, you could be rewarding him for not respecting your time and effort.
Furthermore, if he doesn’t text you back, it’s only going to make you feel more rejected and desperate.
People don’t make attractive and confident decisions when they are desperate.
Related post: Should I double text my ex?
5. Focus on being fun and flirty
People connect over problems and feelings of joy.
But, of the two, feelings of joy and fun have a much more positive effect on relationships and attraction.
Perhaps, you’ve been so fixated on problems that you are no longer fun to be around.
Alternatively, you’ve made things too serious too soon.
Dial it back a bit and focus on nurturing those good experiences with him that make both of you feel good.
It could have a phenomenal effect on him if this is legitimately the reason why he’s online but not texting you back anymore.
6. Socialize with other people
In these situations, it’s extremely easy to fixate on a guy who is displaying this behavior to the point of losing control of yourself.
Once desperation sets in and your initial actions do not result in what you desire, you’re going to lash out or behave uncharacteristically.
By socializing with other people, friends or family included, you create a circle of security that may support you in these situations.
You can share your feelings with them and they’ll help calm you down, talk you up and offer solid advice.
I keep thinking about the times when my closest friends and family talked me out of doing embarrassing and humiliating stuff.
Had they not, I would have made much more erroneous decisions in my life.
Also, being reminded that there are other people out there who would love to communicate with you may help to ease these feelings you are experiencing.
7. Apologize if you have upset him
Some men are so intolerant of disrespectful behavior that they will cut you out of their life completely without any notice whatsoever.
Examine the conversations leading up to him ignoring you.
You may be able to spot something you said or did that hurt or upset him.
Maybe you didn’t say anything but broke a promise or crossed a line that was drawn.
Once you’ve identified what it is, apologize if you did hurt his feelings.
There’ll be times to justify and explain but he may be waiting for you to make an effort to acknowledge how he feels and what you did.
8. Don’t lash out or be rude
Unless you are certain that the reason why he is online but not texting you is to ghost you or reject you for someone else, don’t make any rash decisions.
I understand that you may feel rejected, betrayed or ignored.
But, you don’t want to say or do anything that you’ll regret.
Wait some time, test the water and observe whether this is going to be an ongoing issue or just something that has occurred for the first time today.
Based on those observations, you can decide on what you want to do.
Most of the time, lashing out or being rude won’t fix the issue or help you to feel better.
If his intentions are poor, you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of watching you lose your cool.
Instead, you can walk away and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable to you. Do it with your dignity intact and you’ll have no regrets whatsoever.
Related post: How to make a guy regret ghosting you
Understandably, you’re upset and worried over this situation.
I would be.
But, you have to put things into perspective before jumping to any conclusions.
A once-off incident that is remedied within the same day by his return isn’t something to worry about.
If it’s worse and you are in the midst of losing him gradually over time, you need to take a step back and decide if you want to chase a man who isn’t willing, ready or open to prioritizing you in his life.
With the right man, things won’t fizzle out like this, especially if you have been showing up and making an effort to be your best self.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on what should I do if he is online but not texting me to be clear, practical and helpful. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me on this topic, please do so by visiting the comment section below to let me know.