When a girl you’re dating or in a relationship with feels overwhelmed and claustrophobic, she’ll often pull away. At first, you may not notice a change in her behavior but it will become apparent as her level of frustration and disinterest grows and she asks you to give her space.
By the time that you realize there’s something wrong, it’s too late. She’s turned off. What you need to do is give her space, even if it’s the hardest thing to do right now.
What I’ve come to realize is that being overly needy, clingy, weak and smothering will often turn women off.
Women are not attracted to men who act like women.
And I don’t mean this in a derogatory way. Us guys crave a partner who is affectionate, soft, emotionally mature and loving.
Because the women in our lives exhibit those traits, including our mothers.
Similarly, women tend to gravitate towards men who remind them of their fathers.
What are the traits of a man that is attractive to women? Good question!
An attractive man is often strong-willed, confident, ambitious, level headed, courageous and focused.
Related post: Will she miss me if I leave her alone?
Why does she want space?
Consider this for a moment – most men who possess and exhibit the above mentioned traits are often very successful in whatever they’re doing.
They’re always pursuing something meaningful in their lives because they are constantly seeking to grow as a person.
Real men are very busy discovering and fulfilling their purpose in life.
A man of this calibre does not have time to sit on the phone all day texting his girl.
Even if he’d like to, he understands that to be a complete individual who can serve the people in his life accordingly, he needs to take care of his own purpose in life.
And yet, a lot of us give in to the idea of instant gratification.
This is where technology works against us.
To miss someone and desire them, they need to be out of your presence for some period of time.
This was something most people experienced for all of time before phones and instant messaging took the world by storm.
A healthy amount of distance can undo the damage of over pursuit and can make a woman miss you more than anything on this planet.
Unfortunately, self control is difficult when the gratification that can instantly be satisfied with technology encourages us to constantly stay in touch.
Since we’re always in contact with her, she can start to feel claustrophobic and smothered by our presence.
Too much of a good thing can have a bad effect on your mind, heart and body.
That’s when she starts pushing you away and acting distant.
By the time she actually asks you for space, her mind is already made up.
Instead of listening to her and realizing that distance makes the heart grow fonder, guys will chase after her like never before.
I don’t blame you for reacting this way. It’s normal because we are designed to deal with scary situations in one of two ways, fight or flight.
These are our two primary choices.
In this case, since you feel like she’s getting away or ‘fleeing’, your natural inclination is to chase after her and fight to win her back.
Rather than doing less and giving her space, you pursue her with urgency and desperation.
Suddenly, your constant texting evolves into long essays about how wonderful of a person she is and how much you love her.
You start calling her all the time or pushing her to meet you more.
What you don’t realize is that your constant contact and over the top effort is what overwhelmed her in the first place.
More of this will not make her want you back.
On the contrary, it will make her want to get as far away from you as possible because she realizes that she has absolutely no freedom in this relationship and you are beyond clingy.
This will make her panic and she’ll enter a fight or flight zone.
This leaves her with two options, fight and lash out by rejecting or dumping you or flight and put as much distance between the two of you.
Obviously, you don’t want her to be in this state at all.
Understandably, you feel like her asking for space is the beginning of the end. It can actually be that case but what’s guaranteed is that you’ll lose her for sure if you chase her like a mad man.
Attraction can be quite a volatile thing.
Make a series of small mistakes continuously and it can destroy most of her attraction for you.
Once a woman’s opinion of you changes, it’s hard to win her back. The only thing that does help is space and time away.
If you look at it from this perspective, giving her space can actually be the best thing you do to save the relationship.
This is why it’s so important to listen to a woman.
When she complains about something, take heed of what she’s saying.
Just because you managed to make her like you doesn’t mean that you can revert to your old ways or adopt new poor habits that have the potential to ruin a relationship.
Some distance will help undo the damage sustained by your relationship.
When she’s alone and reflecting on her life, not hearing from you could make her miss you. She’ll think about all of your good qualities and experience some positive nostalgia.
This will build and build until she feels a strong desire to reach out and be with you again.
Related post: How to make her miss you when she wants space
How to give her space when she asks for it
I hope that by this point, you are convinced of giving her some space because it’s the only way to win her back.
The only time I would advise against it is if the reason for her pulling away is because you behaved like a wet fish who hasn’t made an effort to love her properly.
These are the most common signs of chasing her:
- You text her all the time.
- You call her daily, even when she’s busy.
- You’re always complimenting her.
- You’re always seeking her approval and validation.
- You’re too controlling, possessive and over the top.
Altogether, these things can make you appear to be desperate, clingy, weak, needy and predictable.
Part of what makes a relationship exciting is the uncertainty of what’s going to happen.
Being unpredictable and a challenge at times will increase sexual tension and excitement.
Ask any woman about this and they will attest to what I’m saying.
1. Stop texting and calling her all the time
Only men who have nothing better to do with their lives sit on the phone all day.
Call me old fashioned but that doesn’t strike me as something a man with goals, dreams and ambition would do.
In fact, he doesn’t need to.
Because he knows that his woman will reach out as soon as she misses him.
And when she does, he’ll use that as an opportunity to set a date.
When they’re together, that’s when he gives her his undivided attention.
And because they didn’t speak as much until the date, he has ample to share with her and a ton of questions to ask her.
This leads to an engaging conversation that is fun, interesting and entertaining.
By the time the date is over, she’s all over him and he’s leading the interaction to newer heights.
Imagine having all of your best conversations over the phone.
How boring is that!
Use the phone to set up dates, to check up on her and to drop a few ‘miss you’ messages from time to time.
Related post: How to talk to a beautiful woman
2. Save your compliments for when they are genuine and deserved
Women are constantly bombarded with guys throwing them up over text and on social media.
Half those guys wouldn’t dare to try that in person because they’re too scared.
This has abolished the merits of compliments.
The only time you ought to compliment her is if you mean it.
If she makes an effort to improve herself in some way or the other, especially for a date, notice it and let her know that it’s gorgeous.
What you don’t want to do is give her phony compliments to win her approval. This is a weak strategy that doesn’t work.
Nowadays, a compliment is valuable to a woman when she has some form of connection with you.
Until then, focus on the actual conversation and interaction rather than blowing smoke up her ass.
I can promise you that unnecessary and desperate compliments will not win her back at a time like this.
3. Have an opinion and don’t be afraid to air it
Nice guys finish last because they’re boring and seekers of validation.
They’re not willing to stand up for their beliefs and opinions because they’re too afraid of challenging a woman.
Problem is, women like to be challenged in a respectful manner.
Being confident enough to share your opinion, thoughts or feelings with her can make for an interesting dialogue.
You help connect with you on a deeper level and she can appreciate the person you really are.
4. Wait for her to reach out
What I’ve learned in my life is that you never have to worry about chasing a woman out of your life if you simply wait for her to reach out.
I mean, if she’s chasing you, she will sure as hell not be rejecting you.
Women like a challenge.
It builds sexual tension and excitement.
Don’t steal that away from her. The pursuit of love is an enthralling and powerful experience that doesn’t have to be rushed or forced.
Get busy with your goals and activities.
Give her some time to miss you and she’ll be all over you the minute the two of you talk or see each other again.
You see, we develop feelings for people in their presence and in their absence.
Being with someone affords you the opportunity to experience new and exciting things.
Being in their absence affords you the opportunity to turn those experiences into valuable memories that you can hold close to your heart.
Now that she wants space, don’t be chasing her. Don’t text, call or anything of that nature.
When she’s ready to come back, you’ll know. Think of this as doing no contact.
5. Focus on having a good time
This is obviously a scary and uncertain time. I sympathize with you because I’ve been in this situation.
But, breaking down, begging her, fighting with her or constantly having a serious conversation will not win her back.
It will only remind her of every reason she has for wanting space.
What you want to do is put her back into a positive mental space.
Remind her of all the reasons why she started liking or loving you in the first place.
You can do this by focusing on having a good time when she reaches out. Be upbeat, positive and stable.
Don’t show her signs of you falling apart at the seams. This is unattractive. Let her see your strength and confidence in the relationship by maintaining your composure.
If you can make her laugh and have a good time when you do eventually speak to her again or see her, you’ll have a much better chance at winning her back.
Related post: 50 best first date ideas that are fun
Will she come back?
Honestly, it depends on whether she still has a certain level of attraction and interest for you after all the damage that has been done.
Sometimes, even if you do everything right, it might not be enough and she will still leave.
Other times, she will return refreshed and excited to pick up where you left off.
This happened to me in the past. I was very inexperienced back then and came across as needy.
Also, the girl I was dating suffered from a lot of anxiety and uncertainty in her life, including out relationship.
All of these things, coupled together, was too overwhelming for her and she asked for space.
It was difficult to do but I respected her wishes and maintained my distance. She came back within a week and things were great for a long time after that.
On another occasion, it didn’t work out that way.
What’s important is that you maintain your self respect and dignity. You don’t need to chase after someone who wants out of your life. That’s disrespectful to yourself.
A man who knows his own worth will not devalue himself by chasing people who don’t value his presence.
Life is too short to waste on people who aren’t interested in staying with us.
If she comes back, don’t focus on all the negative stuff. Instead, try to have a great time with her and act as if you’re courting her all over again in a patient manner.
With that being said, I hope you enjoyed this article on why and how to give her space. Feel free to drop your questions or thoughts in a comment and I’ll be sure to reply.