We spend our entire lives searching for someone to share this crazy journey of life with. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t romanticize the idea of ‘my other half’ but what scares me is the idea of being with someone and still feeling alone. It can be the most daunting and stressful problem to deal with which is why I want to talk about how to stop feeling lonely in a relationship.
You have to understand that feeling lonely in a relationship stems from a disconnect between you and your partner. Without proper communication, relationships fall apart and couples grow distant from each other. You have to make an active effort to bridge the gap and open up to each other to overcome this loneliness in the relationship.
Easier said than done, I know.
Finding that comfort and desire to have a deep and meaningful conversation with your partner during a relationship crisis like this is difficult. But, it’s imperative, irrespective of how uncomfortable it feels.
I still believe that prevention is better than cure.
Any couple, no matter how in love you may be right now, is susceptible to this problem of feeling lonely in a relationship. The best way to prevent it from happening is to understand why it happens and what sort of behavior adds fuel to the fire.
Reasons why you are feeling lonely in a relationship
Let’s take a look at some of the most common and influential reasons for why you feel lonely in a relationship and we’ll discuss them in detail below.
- When you can’t be yourself around your partner.
- A lack of intimacy and closeness.
- Keeping secrets from your partner.
- Not communicating your feelings or thoughts about important matters.
- You may be with the wrong person.
- You’re afraid to let them get close to you.
- Your partner is mostly unavailable.
When you can’t be yourself around your partner
Ordinarily, this stems from feeling judged. I see this happen with couples who have spent significant time with each other.
The novelty of the relationship wears off and they start criticizing each other thinking that the other person will stick around no matter what.
The problem is the approach.
Not making the effort to word your opinion in a careful and considerate manner can easily result in remarks that are hurtful and rude.
If your partner has been exposing you to this sort of situation, it’s only natural that you close up and feel lonely.
The whole point of a relationship with someone is total acceptance and love for who you are as a person.
When you’re constantly under fire for being yourself, the only natural reaction is to put up walls and avoid being yourself. It’s unhealthy and unfortunate.
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A lack of intimacy and closeness
As much as sex is an intrinsic part of any healthy relationship, so is closeness. The ability to connect with your partner on a deeper and more meaningful level can transform a relationship. Similarly, a lack of it can create a rift between two lovers to the point of feeling lonely in your relationship.
Not showing physical affection by holding hands, hugging, cuddling and just being in each others presence is a quick road to loneliness.
Keeping secrets from each partner
Honesty is the best policy, even if it isn’t convenient. Honesty builds trust and the more trustworthy someone is, the closer you feel towards them.
It’s easy to let your guard down with someone who tells the truth.
When a couple gets secretive, it not only creates a distance between them but it adds doubt. Once you doubt each other, the very foundation of your relationship is in jeopardy.
Not communicating your feelings or thoughts about important matters
You may have tried to avoid getting into an argument with your partner by not having important conversations about how you feel but that defeats the purpose of a relationship.
You’re in this relationship to share yourself and grow with each other.
The best growth comes from overcoming problems and obstacles.
For as long as you avoid communicating your feelings, the loneliness you feel will continue to plague you.
You may be with the wrong person
Sometimes you can be doing everything right but still end up feeling lonely. In such an instance, it’s possible that you’re with the wrong person which is why you’re having such a hard time connecting with him or her on a deeper and intimate level.
Not everyone is compatible, irrespective of how physically attractive you find each other. I like to believe that the right person feels like home when you are around them.
You’re afraid to let them get close to you
Past trauma and failed relationships can often trigger feelings of fear that hold you back from truly enjoying a relationship.
I’ve experienced this and understand the complexity of the situation.
It takes a boatload of time, effort and reflection to strip away your fear of getting dumped or being cheated on. Once you work up the courage to let your partner get close to you, everything changes for the better.
Your partner is mostly unavailable
Even though work commitments and life demands can be time-consuming, it’s important to prioritize your social and love life.
If your partner is struggling to find balance, it’s highly possible that your relationship is paying the price.
It’s only natural to feel lonely in a relationship when the person you love is barely around to have a decent conversation or date with you.
6 Signs of loneliness in a relationship
The first step I would recommend on how to stop feeling lonely in a relationship is to recognize that you are actually feeling this way.
Often, the feeling of loneliness is masked by other confusing feelings that don’t make sense.
It’s like there’s nothing specifically wrong with the relationship but you can’t help but feel some of the things below. These are usually the signs of loneliness in a relationship and they shouldn’t be ignored.
- Isolating yourself from your loved one.
- Feeling disconnected from the relationship.
- Depression and sadness.
- Boredom and a lack of enthusiasm.
- Increased alcohol and drug use.
- Stress and anxiety.
Half of these signs are actual feelings that bother you on a regular basis whereas the other half present themselves as habits that form over time.
It’s extremely concerning when someone turns to alcohol and drugs to fill the void created by their relationship. This can lead you down a dark and nasty road that tends to end with heartache, trauma and even infidelity.
What you must realize is that 90% of these signs of loneliness in a relationship can be fixed by just expressing how you feel to your partner. Just opening yourself up to him or her and starting the journey of reconnection could make a huge difference in how you feel.
Tips on how to stop feeling lonely in a relationship
I don’t believe that feeling lonely in a relationship is a do or die situation. With some counseling and mutual effort, your relationship can be salvaged and reinvigorated. But, it takes time, patience and lots of work.
Just because life is demanding and work occupies much of your time doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to ignore other areas of your life.
Relationships are an important part of life and you shouldn’t be so quick to give up on the idea of being with someone who fulfills you.
But, like a tree, relationships require nourishment on a regular basis to thrive and survive. Without it, even the best of couples can grow distant.
Start with an honest conversation about how you feel
We know that a disconnection between lovers usually stems from a lapse in communication.
This can happen for a number of reasons but what really matters is how you address the situation.
My advice to you would be as follows – Take your partner out on a date and try to connect with him or her the way you did in the past.
Open up about how you feel, talk about the relationship in a non-judgmental way and seek out your partner’s help.
This is far more helpful than arguing or playing the blame game.
Focus on team-building exercises
The couple who plays together stays together. And I couldn’t agree more. There are many activities and sports that teach people how to work together in perfect harmony.
Rather than settling for the same old dates, shake things up with a new habit or activity that engages the two of you on a physical and intellectual level.
You may clash at times but working towards a common goal could be a reminder of what you both used to do during those early days in the relationship.
I’m always surprised by what I’m able to accomplish when I work with my partner in contrast to working on my own or against her.
Work on expressing your likes and dislikes in a healthy manner
Accusations, cussing, arguing and fighting add more layers to the disconnection you feel than anything else.
It makes you more aggressive and temperamental whilst making your partner feel resentful and judged.
Instead, try a less confrontational approach. Ask your partner about how they feel regarding a specific issue and try to understand their perspective. Once you do, it’s easier to piece together a solution that works for both of you.
And if you dislike something, talk about how it affects you or makes you feel rather than vilifying your partner.
Take a risk at being vulnerable
When I’m upset, I find it incredibly difficult to pour my heart out to my partner because of this innate or subconscious fear of being ignored or discarded.
But, I realize that there’s no way around it. You can’t trust someone without some degree of blind faith. You can’t open up without exposing yourself and being vulnerable. It’s not a big price to pay when you have someone who wants to love and care for you.
If this relationship really means a lot to you, this is a risk you have to take.
At the end of the day, you can rest easy knowing that you did everything possible to fix your relationship.
If things work out, you have a wonderful relationship to enjoy again. If things fall apart, you can walk away without any regrets.
Make more of an effort
Go back to doing what you did during those early days of the relationship. Court your partner all over again, try to flirt and connect with him or her over things you both enjoy. Don’t allow life to pull you in different directions.
If there’s a problem, try to find mutual ground. Let your partner know that you love them immensely and want to find a solution that makes both of you happy because how they feel matters to you.
You’d be surprised, by trying to be a better partner,
To find clarity and a way forward, I advise my readers and coaching clients to spend 6 – 12 weeks on behaving like the best partner on the planet. Even though things have been difficult up until now, set all of it aside and be as loving as you possibly can.
What will happen is that by the end of your 12 weeks, you’ll either have the best relationship in your life or you’ll be walking away without a single regret in the world.
It costs you nothing and gives you the best possible chance over overcoming this issue of feeling lonely in a relationship.
With that being said, I hope you enjoyed this article on how to stop feeling lonely in a relationship. Please feel free to leave your thoughts or questions in the comment section below.