Even though men and women are different, we can all agree that heartbreak sucks. So does the loss of attachment, support, and emotional fulfillment. Which leads me to the following question: Does the contact rule work on men?
Yes, the no contact rule works on men. If the breakup was not caused by infidelity or deceit, there is a strong possibility of your ex reaching out to you.
But first, we have to differentiate between the dumper and the dumpee.
Often, the dumper is in the driving seat of the breakup. They make the unilateral decision to end the relationship.
In other words, they have all the power. The one who is dumped needs to take some of that power back!
Hence the reason why you’re going no contact in hopes of getting your ex back.
What you need to understand is the importance of the no contact rule and why it works.
Let’s take a closer look.
How It Works On Men
After the dumper has exercised the ultimate power move, the dumpee isn’t left with much choice in the matter.
You can’t force someone to remain in a relationship. That’s not how life works.
This hurts the person who has been dumped because they often don’t see it coming. Or, they were hoping to work things out. Getting dumped feels like everything around you is spinning uncontrollably, and you can’t grab on to anything.
The shock of losing someone you wanted a future with and loved dearly is unnerving. So, the dumpee proceeds to chase, beg, and negotiate with their ex to come back.
Rather than win back their ex, it drives them further away, leaving the dumpee feeling even more rejected and hurt.
Ouch! It sucks!
This is why the no contact rule is so instrumental in getting your ex back and helping you process the breakup.
It’s the only power move left for the dumpee to exercise.
Rather than provide any validation to your ex or comfort after the breakup by chasing them or offering to be ‘fake’ friends, the silence of no contact startles them.
Suddenly, they are left to their own devices, wondering whether you are upset or not.
Eventually, the high of breaking up fades, and your ex-man is left with feelings of separation anxiety, stress, loneliness, fear, uncertainty, doubt, and heartache.
The fact that you are not around at all will make him wonder about you.
Panic will set in when his mind drifts to the possibility of you being with someone else or moving on from him completely.
These thoughts will culminate in action. He will reach out to you, and at that moment, the no contact rule has worked to accomplish one important objective.
Now that you understand how the no contact rule works on men, let’s talk about why you should follow it beyond trying to get your ex back.
Being dumped is painful. We’ve all been through it.
Chasing after your ex after being dumped puts you at risk of saying and doing things that diminish you as a person.
Despite the possibility of winning back your ex, reality dictates that the same reason you broke up before will be the same reason you break up again.
Then there’s the possibility of not getting your ex back at all, despite them reaching out after no contact.
Rather than waste months of your life expecting to get back with your ex just because you’re making no contact, it would be much healthier to use this time to move on.
The best way to initiate no contact is with the intention of actually moving on after a breakup.
It doesn’t close the door to reconciliation, but it doesn’t latch onto it as an end goal.
The end goal is acceptance of your breakup.
It’s about making peace with what has passed and embracing a future where you have to develop into a better and stronger individual with your own identity all over again.
Why Does It Work On Men?
Remember how I mentioned that men start to feel a host of negative emotions when time has passed and they haven’t heard from you?
Well, all of that can be tied to feeling sad, lonely, and depressed.
Your ex doesn’t reach out to you because his life is going amazingly well and he’s happy.
Chances are such that he is depressed and misses you because you were a source of comfort, love, happiness, and peace. I previously wrote an article about whether your ex misses you after a breakup and you should check it out.
Another possibility is that he has faced a string of failures in dating or has been rejected by someone he was pursuing post-breakup.
Now he has been placed in a position of rejection and powerlessness.
Unsurprisingly, he is going to turn back to the person who didn’t reject him or make him feel less than he is. Which is often an ex.
Don’t feed his ego by chasing after him. Imagine being in a position of power by ending a relationship and then being chased by that individual.
You’re going to feel in total control of the situation. And you become a tool for his ego to be inflated.
How Long Will It Take To Get Him Back?
Anywhere from a few weeks to a year or more. There’s really no way to predict an exact time frame.
What you should consider is spending that time trying to accept the end of the relationship and moving on.
Pressing pause on your life for someone who left it willingly is a complete waste of time.
Spend that time investing in self-development. Be more present in your social life. Work harder on building your career.
There’s literally no guarantee of life for any of us. It can be taken away at any moment.
Should you really be throwing it away, waiting for someone who may never come back?
Be that as it may, to sum it up, does the no contact rule work on men? Yes, it does.
I hope you found this article informative and helpful. Please share your experiences in the comment section below.