The automatic reaction of someone who gets dumped is to chase after their ex with constant texts, calls and conversations. But, that strategy is a waste of time and doesn’t work. So, what do you do? Enter the no contact rule. In this article, I’m going to answer the following question: Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?
Yes, the no contact rule does work if you were dumped and was originally designed for the purpose of helping someone who was dumped to move on or re-attract their ex.
I’m a huge advocate for the no contact rule because of how effective it is at reducing the risk of doing something you regret after a breakup.
Let’s be honest with each other and admit that being dumped can unravel us.
I remember dealing with one of my breakups in a really poor manner many years ago because I lacked the experience needed to deal with such an ordeal.
After a breakup, your number one priority needs to be taking care of yourself. If you don’t, who will? Certainly not your ex who dumped you.
He or she is busy focusing on what they need to do to move on and be happy.
But, I understand how easy it is for someone who was dumped to feel this strong desire to chase their ex and win them back.
Naturally, you want to get rid of this shock and pain that is associated with being dumped and in your head, getting your ex back seems like the quickest and most effective solution.
That’s not necessarily true.
I’m not saying that you should not feel the desire to get back with your ex but chasing them and begging is not the correct method for doing so.
I know that a lot of coaches harp about why chasing your ex is a bad idea and they’re right. It can make you appear to be desperate and weak. It’s also not a good idea to give your ex that kind of power over you.
But, that’s not what I care about. For me, it’s about taking care of your emotional and mental wellbeing.
Months from now, whether you get back with your ex or not, you’re not going to be proud of devaluing yourself in this way.
Because we all know that the best relationships are those wherein both people choose to be with each other.
Of course, if you’ve messed up the relationship, then by all means, go on and do what is needed to win back your ex.
Even then, using the no contact rule for a while can be effective in helping you achieve that goal.
With that being said, I want to discuss some of the reasons why the no contact rule works if you were dumped.
Related post: No contact (what it is and what you need to know)
1. It prevents you from chasing and begging
Normally, I would spend a significant time discussing why chasing and begging your ex to take you back is a bad idea but I feel like I can get the point across in a single question.
Why would you reward someone for leaving you and quitting the relationship?
Your ex is choosing to walk away from you because he or she no longer sees value in working on the relationship.
Does that decision seem deserving of you throwing everything you have to offer at them?
I don’t think so.
If anything, you should do absolutely nothing and let them walk away if they fail to see how valuable and wonderful you are or can be.
Here’s the thing, this may not apply in cases when you messed up in a terrible way or failed to show up in the relationship.
But, for the most part, this is something most people need to hear and should consider.
You should not reward your ex for dumping you by chasing and begging them to take you back.
Related post: Does no contact work on women?
2. It gives the two of you some time to cool down
That first week or two after a breakup is extremely unnerving.
Emotions are all over the place for the two of you and it’s difficult to navigate the situation appropriately.
There’s a strong chance that if you try to fix things now, it’s only going to blow up in your face while pushing your ex further away.
Most people who get dumped tend to lash out at their ex when trying to stay in contact and win them back.
For this reason, I think the no contact rule is absolutely essential for you and it works in preventing any additional arguments or fights that ruin any nice emotions that still remain.
Related post: 2 Weeks no contact should I give up?
3. The space created from no contact can make your ex miss you
Right now, your ex is breaking up with you because they no longer feel a strong desire to be with you.
Giving them more of your attention and time isn’t going to change that.
If anything, it may just push them further away from you.
It may seem counterintuitive to you right now because all you want to do is shower your ex with attention and affection but using no contact could reattract them.
Not knowing how you’re doing, what you’re doing or where you’re at could leave your ex feeling confused by the silence.
When doubts and uncertainty start to strike, they may entertain the idea that you will also walk away and never come back.
That might cause your ex to reconsider their decision.
At that point, instead of focusing on the reasons why they left, they may start thinking about why they liked or loved you in the first place.
This will create feelings of longing which essentially means that your ex misses you.
This may not be a guaranteed phenomenon but it’s a plausible outcome from no contact.
What I know is that constantly communicating with your ex won’t allow them to miss you at all.
Related post: 5 Signs the no contact rule is working
4. It confirms your value and worth
Building on the point I made above, when an ex dumps you, it’s largely linked to the fact that they no longer hold the value of being with you highly.
Agreeing to be their friend or chasing them isn’t going to change that.
If anything, it’s going to lower your perceived value because there’s absolutely no challenge coming from you.
Women like a challenge.
Ask a woman to be brutally honest with you about this and I’m willing to bet that she’ll find a guy who poses a bit of a challenge to be more intriguing and alluring than the guy who throws himself at her.
The no contact rule helps you to confirm your true value by challenging her decision of ending the relationship.
Now, she understands that you’re going to walk away as well because you’re not willing to fight for someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
That creates a challenge and makes you appear to be more confident and strong-willed which are known to be attractive features in a man.
Related post: Does the no contact rule work on men?
Trust me when I tell you that I understand how difficult it must be for you right now. The thought of not talking to your ex hurts and all you want to do is bridge the gap between the two of you.
But, it’s not the right thing to do unless the reason why he or she left you is due to a lack of effort and communication.
Otherwise, you absolutely need to use the no contact rule because it works if you were dumped.
The first few weeks are going to be quite difficult but I promise you that it gets easier.
One of two things will happen, your ex will reach out to you and that will mean that they missed you or felt the desire to communicate with you or you’ll begin to move on from the breakup.
Either way, it’s a win-win situation for you and doesn’t result in unnecessary pain, suffering and further rejection from chasing after your ex.
You will learn a lot about yourself during this time but it will make you stronger and more confident in the long run.
Most importantly, you will develop a greater deal of self-respect that will benefit you for the rest of your life.
With that being said, this concludes our article on the question of does the no contact rule work if you were dumped. If you have any thoughts or questions that you would like to share, please head over to the comment section below.
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