Does No Contact Work With An Avoidant Ex? (Answered)

Anyone who is familiar with an avoidant attachment style knows that there’s a great chance of having your partner walk out on you randomly and when you least expect it. Perhaps, you’ve just been through that and want to use no contact to get them back. This begs the question, does no contact work with an avoidant ex?

Yes, no contact does work with an avoidant ex because it gives them the space to consider what they want and possibly miss you. An avoidant ex is often looking to avoid any discomfort, especially during and after a breakup. By not contacting them, you are speeding up their process of transitioning from indulging in their avoidant attachment style to experiencing the difficulty of change and loss after ending a relationship. 

Look, it doesn’t matter what attachment style someone has, they can never escape the turmoil of a breakup, even if they opted to end their relationship.

The only time when someone ends a relationship and moves on with absolute ease is as if they had absolutely no feelings whatsoever for their ex.

If they had love or hate for their ex, they are bound to experience feelings of pain, loss, discomfort, doubt, anxiety and so forth.

Here’s the deal, even if I told you that no contact doesn’t work with an avoidant ex, I would still go on to tell you that no contact is what you need because it is originally designed to help you move on and process the breakup immediately. 

Related post: Do avoidants regret breaking up?

Reasons Why No Contact Works With An Avoidant Ex

1. It gives them space to miss you

“Love in such a way that the other person feels free.” 

More often than not, an avoidant ex who ends a relationship prematurely is often overwhelmed by discomfort and unwillingness to recognize their own anxiety.

Instead of dealing with the effects of their attachment style, they seek out cheap comfort by ending a relationship.

Chasing them or making a case for why they shouldn’t leave will only fuel the anxiety associated with an anxious or avoidant attachment style.

What you need to do sounds counterintuitive but it’s effective.

You need to give them space and allow them to leave.

In doing so, they are quickly going to move from the high of making a change to end the relationship to dealing with themselves.

Avoidants hate discomfort and what they don’t realize in these cases is that ending a relationship does not automatically amount to comfort.

If the relationship was actually good and nurturing, walking away is actually going to create regret and doubt as soon as the high ends and your ex is facing the discomfort of being single.

Also, most people are only truly aware of what they have when they lose it. 

Related post: How to re-attract an avoidant ex

2. It doesn’t scare them away

You can’t scare off someone who is allowed to leave when they want to.

Similarly, you can’t scare off an ex if you aren’t chasing them or trying to renegotiate with logic a compelling enough reason for them to stay with you.

Neither of these things will work on an avoidant ex who is deadset on leaving your relationship right now.

The more you try to hold onto them, the greater the reason for them to leave because you are triggering their anxiety and fears to the max.

I’ve seen far too many guys and girls behave in ways that are so out of character after a breakup.

You can try to use logic on them but they themselves are in fight or flight mode and they’re trying to avoid the discomfort of a breakup.

But, if you can get through to yourself by slowing down and thinking about your situation from a third person’s perspective, you’ll most likely walk away and initiate no contact with your avoidant ex. 

You’ll see the merit in it and in doing so, take back some of your power.

Rather than completely damaging all chances of reattracting your avoidant ex, you’ll actually have a fair chance of doing so because your dignity and self-respect will be intact by doing something so powerful and self-loving. 

Before we continue with this article, I just want to let you know about my new book called Reconcile – Get Your Ex Back Without Chasing. It’s a step-by-step guide on how to get your ex or avoidant back or to move on and find someone better. Rather than browse through dozens of articles or videos, this guide has everything you need to know that has worked for hundreds of my clients.

3. It makes breaking up uncomfortable for your ex

One of the main reasons why no contact is so effective is because it forces your ex to face the consequences of their decision to end your relationship with them.

Far too many people who do not agree with a breakup make it easy for their ex to move on by being supportive and by validating their ego.

Texting, calling, begging, pleading and negotiating after a breakup you do not want will only add to the power trip that your ex is on.

You’re giving them the comfort of knowing that you still love them, think about them and want to be with them.

Your ex knows that they can have you back if they want so what’s the need to worry about losing you forever! 

For this reason, no contact is crucial if you have any hopes of getting your ex back.

You’re going to force your avoidant ex to face the sucky phase of a breakup much sooner than if you stayed in contact and tried to win them back through friendship or grand gestures of love.

Related post: Why your avoidant ex wants to be friends

In Conclusion

Understandably, if you’re reading this article, your goal is to reattract your avoidant ex but I hope that you use no contact to heal and move on in the event that your avoidant ex never comes back.

There’s only so much that you can do to help someone overcome their inner demons and self-destructive ways.

But, nobody can change unless they want you and you should not be the victim of someone who is unwilling to save you from unnecessary hurt and pain.

I am of the opinion that the right people for us are those who are willing to work at making a relationship last.

When two people come together with the shared goal of nurturing their relationship, things work like magic even through hardship and battles. 

Hold on until you find that person if your avoidant ex doesn’t want to make that effort to be with you.

With that being said, I hope you found this article on does no contact work with an avoidant ex to be insightful and helpful. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below and letting me know.