I know that guys can be complicated at times and knowing what to do based on their behavior can be confusing and frustrating. I can help you by answering the following question in this article: Does he want me to chase him or leave him alone?
It depends on how much interest in you he initially displayed, the reason for why he isn’t talking to you right now, whether he’s busy with someone else or if he’s worth chasing. You don’t want to chase after a man who has lost all interest in you because that is a waste of time and effort.
Let’s be honest, people play games to varying degrees, either innocently or with an ulterior motive.
The problem is that you run the risk of ruining a potentially good courtship or relationship by being insincere or playing games.
It’s not worth the risk and yet some people can’t help themselves.
I like to think that if you find yourself having to ask the question, does he want me to chase him or leave him alone, then things are not working out and he may not be the right guy for you.
I’m of the opinion that with the right person, you won’t be chasing them in the traditional sense.
You’ll be courting or pursuing them but not chasing after them for a little acknowledgement or attention.
That is unhealthy and a devaluation of your worth as a person.
Before we continue, I think it’s imperative that we set the stage before answering this question.
I’m going to assume that he’s either stopped talking to you altogether despite being available and online or he’s drastically reduced the amount of effort he makes in communicating with you.
His replies may seem unenthusiastic or cold and you’re unable to get a date with him despite dropping numerous hints.
If you’re actually in a relationship with him and the two of you had a fight that has now resulted in him sulking or giving you the silent treatment, then the answer to that question is somewhere in the middle of chasing him and leaving him alone.
I would recommend reaching out once or twice with a sweet, thoughtful and non-confrontational message to him explaining that you don’t want to fight and that you miss him.
If he doesn’t reply to either of those messages or meets you with harshness and rejection, then just leave him alone and he’ll come to you when he realizes that he’s being unnecessarily mean or he begins to miss you.
Should I chase him?
As I’ve said earlier, we may be using the term chase but I want you to approach this as simply pursuing a man to show him interest but also give him an opportunity to ask you out.
You may be under the impression that if a guy once had interest in you and found you attractive that he’ll always feel this way but that’s not true.
Attraction and interest has an ebb and flow effect.
It will inspire action from him in the form of approaching you, texting you, calling you and flirting with you as well as trying to meet you.
If none of those attempts are met adequately, he’ll keep trying until he gets fed up.
If you play too hard to get and show too little interest for too long, you could genuinely lose a chance to have something with him.
You run the risk of appearing not only uninterested but boring or cold and this could turn him off.
In such an event, I would actually recommend that you show some interest and chase him a bit.
By chasing him, I mean texting a bit or giving him a call for a change.
Let him know that you’ve been thinking about him or wondering where he’s been.
If he still has some interest in you, then this will prompt a request to hangout or chat more.
That means there’s still hope and you need to match his energy and interest going forward.
Another scenario that may dictate chasing him is if he’s upset with you for something that you did or didn’t do.
Now, a normal guy should be understanding and considerate.
But, if you’re unjustified or it’s something that would warrant being upset, then showing him that you care by reaching out or trying to make amends may be exactly what he wants or needs from you.
It’s also respectable that you would take ownership of your mistakes or wrongdoings and this is something that he may find really attractive.
You shouldn’t chase him if he treats you like trash and is completely unwilling to meet you half way.
It may be hard to let go of someone that you care about and invested effort and time into but it’s imperative that you do or else you risk facing a ton of pain, rejection and humiliation.
Related post: Do men like to be chased?
Should I leave him alone?
Unfortunately, when someone loses all interest and attraction in another person, it’s extremely difficult to fix that problem.
You could try and do everything right and it still may not work.
That’s why it’s so important to work on your courting skills because simple things could lead to a complete destruction of attraction.
I’m also of the opinion that effort matters.
As a man, I won’t waste my time with a woman who shows a lack of effort to communicate with me.
I’ll make a few attempts and if the conversation shows a lack of depth, I’ll lose attraction and walk away altogether.
Because I’d have formed an opinion that’s hard to overwrite.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not referring to single conversations.
I’m talking about ongoing conversations that are lackluster and show effort on your part.
What you need to do going forward is to ask more questions about him, initiate conversations with him for a change, be more detailed in your replies and be playful from time to time.
By doing this, you’ll show him that you care and have some interest in talking to him.
This will help to nurture his interest in you as well to the point that he’s asking you out or wanting to be with you.
But, if he has lost interest or never had it and you’ve been the one doing all the texting or calling, then it might be time for you to leave him alone.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Is he asking me to meet?
- Does he send enthusiastic replies?
- Are his texts even a little flirty, playful or romantic?
- Does he ask questions about you?
- Does he initiate any conversations?
If these things are lacking in your interactions with him, then there’s a strong chance that he is not interested in you and effort will not change that.
Therefore, it would be far more beneficial to leave him alone and give him the gift of missing you instead of chasing him.
Sometimes, people need to feel like they lost something or someone to realize their true worth and value.
Moving on, if he has blocked you or is ghosting you for no apparent reason, after your first or second attempt at contacting him, leave him alone.
You should not be chasing him after making two attempts to find out why he blocked you because this will just make him feel more powerful and you run the risk of devaluing your worth by chasing someone who is choosing to exit your life without showing you any respect.
In such a scenario, you should let him go because chasing him will amount to rewarding someone for treating you poorly.
Don’t set the precedent so low by tolerating and encouraging such poor behavior.
If he’s dating other people or is in love with someone else, just leave him alone.
Respect yourself enough to acknowledge that you deserve a guy who is all about you.
Additionally, if he’s in a relationship, respect the other girl enough to leave her partner alone.
If he contacts you, that’s a different story and shows poor character on his side but that’s a topic of discussion for another day.
When you play the pick me dance, it may feel thrilling because of the unpredictability and the idea of being validated and considered better than someone else to be selected but it’s actually toxic.
If he did this now, what’s to say that he won’t pick the next girl who may be better than you in some way or another?
Do not participate in activities that demean your worth or go against your moral code.
Lastly, if or when he dumps you and doesn’t show signs of wanting to reconcile, I would suggest implementing the no contact rule and leave him alone.
Inaction can be a great tool for testing someone’s real interest level in you.
I know that this may appear to be counterintuitive but trust me, it works.
By leaving him alone, he’s left with the void of your presence and the time away to consider life without you.
All those feelings attached to a split will hit him and it will affect him much faster when you leave him alone.
This may encourage him to come back to you asking for another chance.
Alternatively, he won’t come back but you’d have given yourself the gift of space from him to accept the breakup so that you can start moving on.
Related post: 8 Signs me ex is over me and doesn’t care anymore
Figuring out whether he wants you to chase him or leave him alone will depend on factors such as whether he still cares about you, is receptive to your effort and is worth your time.
You need to be as patient and honest with yourself during this time so that you can make the right decision for yourself.
I know that it seems frustrating and confusing to be in this situation but this is just a learning experience.
Either he’ll come back and things will be good or he won’t and you’ll eventually thank yourself for doing what you felt was right.
With that being said, I hope this article on the following question, does he want me to chase him or leave him alone, was informative and easy to understand. If you have any questions or thoughts on this topic that you’d like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.