A guy you care about did something to hurt you. It’s been a painful time in your life and in deciding whether to forgive him, you keep asking yourself the same question, does he regret hurting me?
Ordinarily, he will regret hurting you if he truly loved and cared about you. This will be evident in how remorseful, apologetic and sincere he comes across after hurting you. On the flip side, if he didn’t care about you, chances are, he doesn’t regret hurting you.
Right off the bat, we can establish one prerequisite for regret and it is care.
If he cares about you, there’s a strong likelihood of him experiencing regret for hurting you.
Without care, there’s really no reason for him to feel anything about his actions or how they affected you.
That can be quite a bitter pill to swallow but it’s how people are.
We are quick to overlook our bad deeds when they affect those who we don’t care about at all.
This may not apply to everyone.
There are some incredibly empathetic people in the world who are extremely aware of how others feel.
But, if he isn’t one of those people and he doesn’t have any feelings of affection and attachment for you, he won’t regret hurting you.
With that being said, let’s talk about the 10 signs he regrets hurting you.
Related post: How to get back at your ex for hurting you
1. He apologizes to you sincerely
One of the most common occurring signs that he regrets hurting you are long and sincere apologetic texts and calls.
This is something that happens early on and as time settles, you might find that these apologies start to happen in person as well (the right way).
The thing about an apology is that it’s easy to tell when someone is being sincere and when someone is just saying sorry for the sake of it.
A sincere apology is often accompanied by genuine emotion, it takes your feelings into consideration, it doesn’t focus on blame and it comes from the heart.
Trust your gut instinct when it comes to an apology.
If it feels real and sincere, then that is a surefire sign that he regrets hurting you.
If it feels forced, cold and weird, then it’s probably a sign that he’s just saying it out of obligation.
2. He keeps checking up on you
When a guy regrets hurting you, he will constantly make an effort to find out if you’re okay.
He’ll be ultra-supportive and he will be consistently texting and calling to learn more about how you’re feeling.
He’ll show a genuine interest in how you’re feeling, he’ll want to know what you’re thinking and he’ll patiently wait for you to open up.
Some people tend to run away when they mess up.
They don’t want to face the music because they value self-preservation above you.
However, when a man makes the effort to constantly check up on you despite being the one who hurt you, it’s because he cares about you.
He wants you to be okay and feel good again.
Seeing you in pain doesn’t sit well with him especially since he is the cause of that pain.
Even if he broke up with you, he’ll keep reaching out to find out how you’re doing.
Related post: 12 Reasons why your ex keeps texting you
3. He makes an effort to treat you better
Nothing proves how much a man regrets hurting you than changed behavior.
It doesn’t matter what he was like before, if he has become a better person and is constantly making an effort to prove that to you, it’s because he still cares or loves you.
No man will go through so much effort to treat you better if he doesn’t care about you.
If this was just a case about regret, he would make amends and move on.
But, the fact that he is in pursuit of proving how much he has changed and improved for you is a testament to his commitment and love for you now.
So, not only does he regret hurting you but he genuinely cares and loves you.
4. He seems extremely critical of himself
As I’ve mentioned earlier, a man who doesn’t care about you will often brush off his mistakes, cringe about it for a while but carry on with his life.
He’ll avoid too much reflection and introspection because the situation doesn’t have the emotional importance to him which is needed.
In contrast to that, a man who regrets hurting you will be incredibly critical of himself.
He will constantly think about his actions and it may even haunt him.
This critique and reflection will continue even after you’ve forgiven him.
And that’s important to note because he’s not looking for an easy way out.
The fact that forgiveness doesn’t make him feel absolved of whatever sin or wrongdoing he committed shows that on a deep and meaningful level, he values you and what’s right above escapism and peace right now.
In other words, he is struggling to forgive himself for hurting someone who he cares about on a deep level.
Often, this kind of behavior is in keeping with someone who is not that bad of a guy and has probably made a mistake.
5. He takes ownership of his mistakes or choices
Building on that last point, taking ownership of mistakes or poor choices shows a great deal of character and responsibility.
Regret is, by nature, closely linked to someone’s character.
A good man who values you will not shy away from taking ownership of his mistakes.
He understands the effects of his actions.
He understands the importance of making amends with someone who deserves better.
That, in and of itself, is one of the most powerful signs he regrets hurting you.
People who don’t regret will often run away from their mistakes, never take ownership of it, blame others, gaslight or evade it altogether.
6. He avoids bringing up the past issues
When a man regrets hurting you, those feelings of regret hurt him on a deep and significant level.
The thought of his own actions or the pain you suffered may cause him great distress even if you forgive him and move on.
He tries not to bring up the past because he doesn’t want to associate himself with that or even remind you of what he did because he’s ashamed and disappointed in himself.
There’s a difference between running away from a mistake and avoiding it because of the pain you feel from regret.
7. He can’t stop beating himself up for his mistakes
Regret is a nasty emotion to deal with.
Beyond being self-critical, a person can sometimes punish themselves on a regular basis and avoid any happiness because they feel like they don’t deserve it.
The reason why they feel like this is because they are battling regret and remorse for hurting you.
They feel undeserving of good things and happiness, even when they have already made amends.
8. He keeps bringing up the past
In contrast to what I said above, there are men who will constantly bring up the past because it bothers them.
They’re not trying to rub it in your face or upset you.
On the contrary, they’re constantly trying to make sure that you’re okay.
Alternatively, bringing up the past could be a sign that he is feeling extremely sentimental and nostalgic.
Rather than moving on, he regrets hurting you and breaking up. He wants to desperately get you back and have what you once had.
Thus, he keeps bringing up the past because he can’t help himself.
He’s stuck there and the regret he feels is like a tight chain around his mind and heart.
9. He talks about you to friends and family
A man who doesn’t care about you or regret hurting you will not bother talking about you.
If anything, he’ll try to leave you in the passenger mirror as he drives off into the next chapter of his life.
But, a man who talks about you to family and friends in a positive light, asks questions about your love life and shares his regret with them is obviously hurting and missing you.
10. He shares his regret for hurting you and wants another chance
Lastly and quite self explanatorily, he’ll simply tell you exactly how much he regrets hurting you.
Pay attention to his words because you’ll definitely be able to tell whether he’s being sincere or not.
This admission of regret is often accompanied by sincere apologies and an earnest attempt at winning you back.
He shares exactly how much he misses you and he basically comes back because he wants you back.
If this isn’t a sign he regrets hurting you, I don’t know what is!
Related post: Will he come back?
Signs that he doesn’t regret hurting you
I think it’s important that we touch on the signs that he doesn’t regret hurting you because it can save you an awful amount of time and pain.
These signs are often the polar opposite to what you have read above.
So, if they appear, just know that he’s either in denial or completely unremorseful of his actions.
1. He doesn’t show any remorse or desire for forgiveness
One of the main reasons why someone would ask for forgiveness is because they care. The exact opposite is true as well.
If he doesn’t care about you, he probably doesn’t regret his actions.
To him, there isn’t a strong enough motive to apologize.
And so, he does nothing and pretends as if you don’t exist.
Alternatively, in his own mind, he thinks that what he has done is fine or excusable.
So, he doesn’t regret it.
Related post: 30 signs he doesn’t love you anymore
2. He’s already in another relationship
He can’t be feeling regret for hurting you by ending the relationship or whatever if he’s already in another relationship enjoying himself.
What it shows you is that he didn’t actually care about you much.
There’s a big difference between rebounding and jumping into a serious relationship after dumping someone or hurting them without showing any remorse or apology.
Chances are such that he was emotionally checked out of the relationship before things even came to an end.
That’s why he has been able to jump into a serious relationship so quickly.
Related post: Will my ex come back after dating someone else?
3. He blames you
You can’t feel regret for doing something wrong if you blame someone else for why you did something.
Ownership of a mistake or poor decision is another prerequisite for regret.
Without it, you simply cannot feel regret.
Blaming you is also a sign of denial, immaturity or narcissism.
One thing I know for certain is that extreme narcissists will not regret their decisions because they are incapable of looking at themselves in a critical manner long enough to grow as a person.
4. He doesn’t change his behavior
Promises and apologies are empty words if they are not accompanied by visible changes in behavior.
What I have found in my own life is that regret has been a catalyst for immense change and self-development in me.
Also, some of the best people I personally know are those who have made mistakes that rattled them with regret.
Through that regret, they transformed themselves into amazing human beings who would never make the same mistakes now.
A man who just apologizes but resumes his toxic behavior and constantly hurts you over and over again doesn’t regret it.
If he did, he would try to genuinely change.
5. He gaslights you
Rather than take ownership of his mistakes, he may try to paint you out to be crazy.
He’ll deny his own actions or try to manipulate you into thinking that you are incorrect and that is not how things played out.
This is known as gaslighting.
It’s a manipulative and sadistic way of treating someone you care about.
It’s selfish and paints a picture of someone who needs to do a lot of growing up and improvement.
Unless he stops gaslighting you and takes ownership of his choices, he won’t even give himself the opportunity to feel regret for hurting you.
That’s the unfortunate reality of the situation.
Being hurt by someone you care about sucks. But, what I can tell you is that if he genuinely cares about you, he’ll not only regret hurting you but he’ll do everything in his power to make amends, to change and to win you back.
Pay attention to the signs in this article, they’ll give you a great idea of how he actually feels and whether he is being genuine.
I’m really sorry you’re going through a difficult time.
I hope that this article provided you with some solace and insight into whether he regrets hurting you.
If he does, trust me when I tell you that he’ll do everything in his power to make things right.
Everyone makes mistakes and has a lapse in judgment.
If you can find it in your heart to forgive him, it will free you of that pain but it will also give you both a chance to develop something even stronger and better than ever before.
Thank you for reading this article. Please leave your thoughts or questions in the comment section below and I’ll be sure to reply to you as soon as possible.