If feelings of desire and attraction are fostered in person and in absence, it only makes sense to believe that absence does make your ex miss you.
Take a moment to reflect on your own experience.
Has there ever been a time in your life when you rejected someone and actually began to miss them when they simply walked away altogether?
Whether I was the dumper or the dumpee, absence made me miss my exes at some point.
As long as the two of you have known each other for a few months, absence will trigger feelings of nostalgia, desire, and renewed attraction.
In general, you won’t strongly miss someone you’ve only known for a few short weeks, especially if a breakup or rejection was involved.
At best, you may miss them for a few days, but it is unlikely that you will be overwhelmed with emotions.
There’s a strong correlation between time spent together and how much someone misses another person during absence.
The longer you’ve known someone, the stronger your emotions of desire and longing are when they are no longer accessible to you.
As someone who is trying to win back their ex, it is paramount for you to create the circumstances that facilitate feelings of longing, nostalgia, and desire.
The most effective method happens to be the most self-respecting method.
Walking away from someone who unilaterally ends a relationship is the best way to make them miss you.
It is also the best way to honor your feelings and your dignity as a person.
I realized that remaining friends with someone I desire romantically is a betrayal of my feelings of love.
So, even if absence does not make your ex miss you, you still have to honor your true feelings.
If love and romantic commitment are what you desire from this person, you cannot remain friends with them.
Building a fake friendship is neither honorable nor sincere.
You’ll subject yourself to so much misery.
- You’ll be friend-zoned by someone you love.
- You’d be living a lie, which would upset you on a regular basis.
- You may have to watch the person you desire move on while you help them to find your replacement.
Understandably, you may feel like accepting friendship is the loving thing to do for your ex.
But I would argue that it is an unloving thing to do to yourself, especially when you are not interested in friendship.
You need to read this article: How does ignoring a girl make her feel?
Why Absence Makes Your Ex Miss You
In a romantic relationship, we fulfill each other’s romantic desires.
Your partner becomes the sole source of validation, romantic affection, and support, and vice versa.
It naturally follows that when you break up with someone, all of those things are no longer fulfilled.
A void is created in the shape of your ex.
When the desire for validation, romantic affection, and support is triggered, your ex will think back to a time when they experienced all of that with you or the last person they were with.
They’ll miss feeling these things with you, which is why absence makes your ex miss you.
If you remain in contact with your ex, chances are that you will continue to satisfy your role as a lover under the pretense of friendship.
Because it’s difficult to separate our actions from our emotions and thoughts.
You’re giving away the things that create desire and longing for free.
Your ex won’t have much reason to miss you if that’s the case.
This is why it’s a terrible idea to be friends with your ex if you are unwilling to genuinely be friends.
It is better to walk away and experience the discomfort of absence than it is to enter a false friendship with undying hope that your ex will take you back after missing you.
Another reason why your absence makes your ex miss you is because most people try to rebound after leaving their ex.
Alternatively, they enter the dating scene with a false impression of what is out there.
They are enchanted by the idea that the grass is greener on the other side.
When reality sets in and they face some rejection or disappointment in their dating life, feelings of uncertainty, fear, and anxiety set in.
That’s typically when someone reflects on their decisions.
Loneliness combined with disappointment frequently results in intense feelings of fear and anxiety.
These feelings are perpetuated further by your absence.
Your lack of presence, comfort, support, validation, and affection will magnify the void and fear experienced by your ex during this season of their life.
At this point, your ex will miss you.
Then, they are faced with the following choice:
- Get in contact with you.
- Deal with the suffering until they find peace on their own.
That’s not something in your control.
This is a decision that they will have to make on their own.
You need to read this article: Does my ex think about me?
How Long Should You Avoid Speaking To Your Ex?
The answer is indefinitely.
Until your ex contacts you, asking to speak with you or for a chance to be with you again, you should avoid speaking to him or her.
This isn’t a new concept.
People throw around the term “no contact” as if it has only been discovered in this digital age that we live in.
But, in the past, when a couple broke up with each other, either they tried to remain friends or they broke all contact with each other.
You couldn’t see what your ex was up to on any social media application.
If they moved to another city, you would have no idea where they were or what they were doing.
No contact became a natural result of life.
This allowed people to experience the effects of absence.
If during this time, your ex felt an overwhelming desire to be with you again, they’d write, call, or visit you in person to talk.
If they didn’t feel a desire to be with you again, they moved on, and you would be forced to move on as well.
You couldn’t blow up their social media accounts or fixate on them online.
You’d have to experience their absence as well, until you made peace with it and moved on.
If you were resistant to moving on and went to outlandish measures to get your ex back, you absolutely looked like a creep or weirdo.
Take the same mindset of moving on and apply it to your life right now.
End all communication with your ex and limit your exposure to them online.
Focus primarily on dealing with your feelings of loss and change.
Invest all your energy productively and figure out how to thrive and grow as an individual who is single.
Forget about the idea of making your ex miss you because it’s out of your control.
One of two things will happen.
- Your ex will come back.
- You will move on.
It truly is that simple if you approach a breakup with this mindset and approach.
You need to read this article: How to make an avoidant ex miss you.
Believe me when I tell you that absence does make your ex miss you. Ask anyone who has ever walked away after being dumped, and they will attest to this.
Unless your ex didn’t care about you at all, they will miss you at some point as long as you are not around to provide free support, affection, and attention.
As much as no contact is difficult, you will gain immense strength and mental fortitude by doing what’s right for you instead of what’s easy.
You’ll grow as a person, and your ex will either want you back or you’ll find someone more suitable for the new and improved version of yourself.
With that being said, if you would like my personal help getting an ex back or dealing with no contact, please visit my services page for more information on my email coaching package.