It surprises me how popular rebound relationships are. I’ve been in a few myself and I can understand the pull it has over a person but I never imagined it being this common. But, one of the questions I receive quite often is this, do rebound relationships last?
No, most rebound relationships don’t last because they are approached as a coping mechanism after a breakup and a means of escaping loss, change and sorrow.
That has to be the most significant reason why rebound relationships don’t last.
You should never get into a relationship with someone just because you can’t handle being alone after a break up.
However, I don’t blame people for rebounding. It’s part of our nature to try and fight or flee from what we perceive to be a dangerous situation.
Having your heart broken or turned upside down can feel life-threatening. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and yet, it’s a part of life that is mostly unavoidable. Most of the romantic relationships the average person has will end at some point or the other.
The only saving grace is that eventually, you can meet someone and build a life together that lasts for a very long time.
Until then, you’ll experience loss.
The reason why I don’t blame people for rebounding is because it can be a fight or flight response.
Your intention may not be to use someone to get over a breakup or cope with loss. So, don’t be too hard on yourself or the rebounding lover.
It’s not common for rebound relationships to last unless there’s a solid foundation of love and attraction.
Be that as it may, let’s take a look at some of the real reasons why rebound relationships do not last.
Related post: Why rebound relationships fail
1. The rebounder still cares about their ex
Unlike movies or television shows like The Vampire Diaries, you can’t just flip a switch in your brain and heart to suddenly stop caring or loving someone.
Those feelings of love and affection take time to fade and change. And that’s an important thing to note because you can’t be in love with two people at the same time.
Either you’re in love with your ex or in love with your new partner.
You could be attracted or infatuated by a new partner but that’s not the same as being in love.
And if you’re still in love with someone else, it’s going to affect your rebound relationship at some point or the other.
Eventually, it’s going to make you feel guilty and weird.
When you start to realize that you still care about your ex, it’s going to cast doubt on your new rebound relationship.
When doubt sets in, if it’s not handled appropriately, it will ruin the rebound relationship.
Related post: Do rebounds make you miss your ex more
2. You can’t escape the emotional effects of a breakup
Like I’ve mentioned above, breakups are torturous at times. It’s so difficult to sever a connection, especially when it took months or years of your life to develop and mature.
A romantic partner becomes a big part of your life. You start to craft your routine around them as well as your future plans.
You’re not just dealing with the loss of a lover but the loss of a best friend, a confidante, one version of a possible future and so forth.
A rebound relationship will offer you a distraction with loads of excitement, thrill and passion at first. But, like all new relationships, the novelty will wear off and when it does, those feelings caused by your breakup are going to come flooding back in.
When it does, you’ll find yourself struggling to be in a relationship with someone else while you’re dealing with so much pain and sadness.
Most people realize that they need to be alone to get through this.
And so, the rebound relationship doesn’t last.
3. Comparison will tarnish the rebound relationship
A rebound relationship is not just the first relationship you get into after a breakup. That’s not correct. It’s the relationship you get into immediately or very soon after a breakup to avoid being single.
Here’s the problem with this – you’re still attached to your ex and that old relationship.
Your most recent memories are of that relationship and your ex.
Obviously, now that you’re in a new relationship so soon after a split, it’s inevitable that you’ll compare it to what you just lost.
Because too little time has elapsed for you to not be thinking about your last relationship.
When those thoughts and memories pop into your mind, comparison is unavoidable.
The problem is that your mind will cherry pick memories and you’ll often look back with rose tinted glasses.
In other words, your ex and that relationship become the gold standard or the measuring stick for what you want in a relationship.
Unfortunately, your vision and heart are too distorted right now to accurately judge the quality of this rebound relationship.
And so, it will fall short in comparison to your last relationship.
In the end, this unfair comparison will steal all the joy of your rebound relationship before destroying it altogether.
How long do rebound relationships last?
From what I’ve witnessed and my own experience, I can say that the average duration of a rebound relationship is three months.
It usually takes about that long before the novelty of that new relationship wears off and you start feeling the effects of your breakup at its worst.
You can’t avoid negative feelings for too long.
They tend to build up inside you before there’s some kind of explosion.
Some rebound relationships can stretch on for a few more months, especially when there’s some degree of genuine attraction and feelings.
However, within a year, it will completely end.
The only exception to this is when the rebound relationship was the cause of a breakup.
In other words, when someone ended a relationship because they wanted to be with someone else, then that rebound relationship actually can last for a long time.
This is because someone in this situation leaves their relationship long after they’ve allowed their feelings for their current partner to die.
Additionally, they’re in love with the partner from their rebound relationship so it’s more likely that the issues mentioned above will not apply or won’t be as monumental as normal.
Should you be in a rebound relationship?
Honestly, that depends on what you are okay with.
If you’re the one who is rebounding, consider whether you are actually over your ex, ready for a new relationship or genuinely attracted and connected with this new individual.
Through introspection, you should be able to determine your intention for entering a new relationship.
If it’s not for the sake of love, then you shouldn’t be doing it because you risk hurting this new person as well as yourself.
Then, you’ll be forced to deal with two breakups!
If you are the rebounder’s partner, I think it’s important to consider whether you can exercise infinite patience with the rebounder and be supportive when they deal with feelings from their past.
You will find that they need to vent or speak about their ex at times.
This could affect you negatively if you’re not prepared for it.
They may have lows that creep out of nowhere.
They may need some space at times to process their feelings when it eventually hits.
If you’re able to deal with this and want to take a chance on this relationship, then go for it.
As long as you understand the risk involved, then you should have no regrets trying.
Related post: What to do if your ex is in a rebound relationship
So, do rebound relationships last? Unfortunately, no, rebound relationships do not last because they are approached as a coping mechanism after a breakup and a means of escaping loss, change and sorrow.
There are some exceptions and outliers but they are not as common.
The only times when rebound relationships last is when they began as a result of being inlove with each other or was the reason for a previous relationship coming to an end.
Otherwise, you’ll often find that the rebounder will start to miss their ex, experience great amounts of pain and sadness after some time or start comparing his or her rebound relationship to the one that just ended.
These three situations cause an immeasurable amount of stress on a rebound relationship. Eventually, due to a weak foundation, the relationship collapses.
It can survive these trying times but it will require a lot of patience, understanding and communication.
But, even then, there’s no guarantees.
With that being said, I hope this article on whether rebound relationships last proved to be insightful and informative. Please feel free to leave a comment or questions for me down below and I’ll be sure to reply.