Texting can be fun but it can also be a source of anxiety depending on the kind of person you are. Some people have a laid-back approach to texts whereas others adopt a serious approach. This begs the question, do guys overthink texts?
If the guy in question feels insecure, uncertain, afraid or threatened, then he will most definitely overthink texts. If he doesn’t feel any of these emotions and he is uninvested in a particular person or conversation, then he will not overthink texts.
So, in reality, it boils down to whether a man cares about the woman he is speaking to or not.
If he cares, it doesn’t automatically mean that he’ll overthink texts.
What we have to determine is whether he feels insecure, uncertain, afraid or threatened and why.
All of those emotions are attributed and directly linked to a state of anxiety.
If he’s feeling anxious about how a woman feels, where he stands with her, if she’s losing interest or if she’s entertaining another man, then he’ll be overthinking texts.
Irrespective of whether he’s confident and secure, it’s a situation that warrants anxiety.
Some men deal with greater levels of anxiety and so they overthink everything in general, even with a woman that is highly interested in them.
For those men, it just takes time and overcoming issues as a couple for him to enter a state of calmness and confidence to avoid overthinking things in the relationship.
I’m a man and I’ve coached countless men and dealt with many women. I can tell you, with certainty, that this is what you need to know about men overthinking.
Related post: What does it mean when he starts texting less?
Signs He Overthinks Text Messages
1. He double texts frequently
Men who overthink and can’t control their anxiety levels tend to suffer from impulse control.
They need constant validation and assurance so they do so in the easiest way possible, by texting more.
So, you’ll notice that he double texts or triple texts frequently, often answering his own questions or saying things that are more about him than you.
He may also go off into an analytical breakdown of a remark you made that you feel doesn’t warrant that kind of reaction.
Related post: Is double texting a turn off?
2. He’s often apologetic about silly things
When men overthink, they can find problems in anything and everything they say or do.
If it’s out of control, they’ll start analyzing and apologizing for their own messages that are not even insensitive or offensive.
I’m sure that you are able to differentiate between consideration and anxious rumination.
You’ll be able to tell when he’s in an anxious state based on what he’s apologizing for.
3. He jumps to conclusions
Overthinking is a symptom of anxiety but an action that falsely aims to provide answers to a situation of uncertainty in someone’s mind.
People often make assumptions and jump to conclusions when they are uncertain and anxious.
They can’t even wait to see the real result and so they project and try to predict.
When you find that a guy is jumping to conclusions about how you feel, what you’re doing, where things are going and what you’re thinking, then it’s a case of overthinking.
Related post: 12 Signs your boyfriend might have trust issues
4. He runs hot and cold based on each conversation
The only reason for a man to display passive-aggressive behavior like this over a text conversation that wasn’t an argument or fight is if he’s overthinking.
What you’ll find is that he suddenly turned cold during a good text exchange.
Perhaps, you made a joke that wasn’t meant to be insulting or anything negative but he took it that way.
This usually occurs with men who notoriously overthink everything.
They’re so afraid of being judged or critiqued that they find criticism and judgment in anything.
Related post: Why are his texts so dry?
How To Help A Man Who Overthinks Texts
1. Be consistent with him
If you know that he likes you and you’re into him but he overthinks texts, then try to be consistent in some way or another.
Whether it’s with a text in the morning or night, give him something that offers a sign of your presence and commitment to being in this with him.
Don’t encourage codependency but show up as consistently as you can, in whatever capacity that looks like.
When you can’t, give him a heads-up.
Related post: Should I text him or wait?
2. Be clear and concise with your texts
I have noticed that some people struggle with texting and overthink texts but they’re quite secure and have good social aptitude in person.
What they need is to be texted in a straightforward and direct manner.
They may not be able to interpret texting cues and nuances like you do.
I say this to women all the time and they get annoyed but you have to assume that men aren’t reading the subtle signs in messages.
You’re setting yourself up for disappointment and setting him up for failure if you don’t adopt a clear tone of texting with him.
Vocalize your needs and desires to him clearly. The first time he does what you need may not be amazing since you have to tell him.
But, once he gets it, he’ll develop an eye for your needs and desires that allows him to show up for you without having to spell it out to him.
In other words, you may have to teach him to read your language.
If he’s committed, he’ll learn.
If you’re committed, you’ll teach before just considering him a failure.
At the same time, don’t make him feel stupid because that will kill attraction.
Take this advice only if you’re willing to do so graciously and with an open mind.
3. Call him out when he’s overthinking
You have to draw a line with someone who is uncontrollably anxious.
When it’s reaching a limit of ridiculousness, let him know that he needs to get himself in check.
He may be resistant at first but once he cools down, he’ll think about it and if he was being ridiculous, he’ll learn and draw the line for himself in future events.
4. Offer reassurance when needed
We don’t know the effects of trauma, betrayal and other issues people go through from childhood.
People cope in different ways and experience these effects in different ways.
Sometimes, all that’s needed is a bit of compassion and assurance to help ease overthinking and anxiety.
Once his mind and body align and realize that you and the conversation he has with you is a safe space, much of that overthinking may diminish.
At this point in my life, I don’t know where I stand on the matter of texting.
I do know that I have a love/hate relationship with it at times.
But, I’d be lying if I said that it can’t be a wonderful and exciting tool for us.
If more of us spend time understanding our texting habits and develop a keen eye for reading between the words without overthinking, we could have much better texting interactions.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on whether or not guys overthinking texts to be interesting and helpful. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me on this topic, please do so by visiting the comment section below to let me know.