Let me start this article by making one thing very clear – not all breakups are permanent. So when we ask, do guys come back after dumping you, we must look at the circumstances of the breakup to know the likelihood of him coming back.
Guys come back after they dump you if they are unable to meet someone better, they have been rejected or dumped by someone else, they are no longer angry with you, they are lonely or if they are unable to move on.
It’s also important to make note of guys who have a habit of being impulsive, temperamental or have manipulative tendencies with breaking up and making up.
Those types of men have a habit of looking at breakups as an outlet to express themselves.
As toxic as that may be, if the guy has a history of using breakups as a tool for getting his point across or to get his way, then there’s a high likelihood of him returning.
Be that as it may, there are instances when a guy will dump you and never come back.
So in this article, we will discuss all the factors that influence a guy in either coming back after dumping you or not coming back. We’ll also touch on a few things you can do to take some control of the situation.
When do guys not come back after they dump you?
Most of the reasons below hold a very high likelihood of him never coming back. Not because he didn’t love you but because of reasons for leaving which were too profound or hard to overcome.
- If you cheated on him.
- If he has met someone else.
- If he moved on and got over the breakup.
- If he is a player or cheater.
Let’s analyze why these situations often result in him never coming back after dumping you.
If you cheated on him – Nothing is more devastating to a relationship than infidelity. Cheating on him would shatter the trust between you two and thoroughly damage his ego. Since he is unable to trust you and has sustained damage to his self-worth and ego, he may never want to be with you again.
If he has met someone else – The dumper is often known to line up a rebound after the end of his relationship. Alternately, he has met someone who has knocked his socks off and he is smitten. Unless that relationship fails, he won’t come back.
If he moved on or got over the breakup – Most of the time, men come back when they realize the grass on the other side isn’t greener or they feel lonely and still in love with you. If, however, he has made peace with the end of the relationship and has conviction in staying apart, he may not come back.
If he is a player or cheater – Players and cheaters have a warped sense of trust and loyalty. They are beholden to their desires. After getting caught for playing or cheating, they tend to lie and run away to avoid facing the consequences of their own actions. Unfortunately, he may be busy with other women (or men) and you shouldn’t waste your time on someone like this.
Objectively speaking, if your ex falls into any of these categories above, don’t put your life on hold hoping for him to come back. It may be wiser for you to consider moving on and avoiding further disappointment.
When do guys come back after they dump you?
Since we have ironed out the list of situations that exclude the likelihood of a guy returning after ending a relationship, we can now dig into those situations when he will come back.
- When they notice a change in you.
- When they get rejected or dumped.
- When they are lonely and sad.
- When they are still in love with you.
- When they broke up with you impulsively.
Let’s analyze each of these situations more closely for a better understanding of what motivates guys to come back after breaking up.
When they notice a change in you – If the breakup was initiated because of a particular behavior pattern such as constant fighting or gaslighting, it’s possible that he would come back if that is no longer an issue. When you remove the compatibility issue from the situation (if it’s attributed to a habit or behavior), then the chances for reconciliation improve.
When they get rejected or dumped – Unfortunately, most of us are susceptible to this idea that the grass is greener on the other side. This becomes more of a problem as the novelty of a new relationship wears off. Once he realizes it’s not true, he may come running back to you. If he has been rejected recently or dumped, again, he will come back to the last source of romantic acceptance he had. Whether that makes it okay is a topic for another day.
When they are lonely and sad – Building on the above-mentioned point about the grass is greener syndrome, if he has failed to find anyone and loneliness accompanies him for too long, he’ll come back. Guys are not as logically wired as people tend to assume. To an extent, they are driven by their impulses and desires more than logic. And they can never outrun their emotions so it’s bound to catch up and influence their actions.
When they are still in love with you – Sometimes it takes a breakup or separation to make the heart grow fonder or remind us of the beautiful thing we once had. Also, life teaches us valuable lessons when we least expect it. During the time it would ordinarily take him to get over the breakup, something may happen that reignites his attraction and love for you.
When they broke up with you impulsively – Earlier in this article, we touched on men who have impulse control problems, anger issues, confrontational issues and manipulative tendencies. For those types of men, breaking up isn’t a permanent conclusion to the relationship. As soon as they cool down or feel like they can get what they want, they’ll be back.
It’s not all that difficult to figure out a guy’s thought process and what he may do based on his actions, personality and situations pertaining to the breakup.
What I do know, with certainty, is that he may not come back if you chase after him like crazy.
What to do after he breaks up with you
Most dumpees do not realize how crucial it is to remain composed and practice emotional control around their ex.
By doing so, it greatly improves your chances of getting your ex back.
The less erratic and desperate you behave, the more your ex respects you. As time goes on, their perception of you will start to shift towards a more positive light.
At which point, your perceived value in his eyes would have increased so much as compared to the time of the breakup.
So as a rule of thumb, never chase or beg your ex to take you back after a breakup. Don’t belittle yourself in that way. And if you have begged, simply stop right now and initiate no contact.
I’ve spoken about the power of silence before and I strongly recommend you read that article.
By initiating no contact, you take back some of the control and power after being dumped.
Also, it attaches real-life consequences to your ex’s decision. Now, he risks the possibility of losing you forever and that thought will cross his mind when your silence becomes noticeable.
By that point, it results in a compelling desire within him to reach out and get you back. This is also applicable if your ex is in a rebound relationship and you don’t know what to do.
As much as possible, focus on the things you can control post breakup.
Spend more time with the people you love, chase after your career, set new goals, challenge yourself to learn new skills, meet new people, spend time alone working through your feelings and improve yourself mentally, physically and emotionally.
So whether he comes back or not, in the end, you would have used this time to greatly improve your life and yourself.
And who knows, you may meet someone who blows you away and the work you did on yourself starts to pay off with his adoration for you.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article and found some clarity on do guys come back after they dump you.
Please share your thoughts in the comment section below as well as your experience on whether an ex who broke up with you came back.