Fighting in any friendship is normal. During a fight, you may find yourself fired up and ready to argue until the sun rises again. But, afterwards, when you don’t hear from your friend, fear and worry set in. This begs the question: Do friends come back after a fight?
Unless all trust has been destroyed and your friend feels completely disrespected or disregarded, friends do come back after a fight. One may argue that it’s abnormal for a friendship to end over a fight, provided that violence was not involved.
Ordinarily, people hold onto resentment when their feelings have not been expressed or acknowledged.
It’s not anger or hurt that ends friendships. It’s the lack of acknowledgement, understanding, and remorse that destroys the bond between two friends.
As much as most of us would prefer to live in complete harmony and peace with our loved ones, misunderstandings and arguments that lead to fights are sometimes unavoidable.
To some degree, the fear of loss should always be present in our minds and hearts to prevent us from overstepping a boundary with our loved ones.
But, at the same time, the status of a friendship should not be held hostage in the event of a fight.
Love persists in spite of fights and arguments, provided that respect is present.
If it isn’t, then proactivity towards establishing and expressing respect is of paramount importance.
Communication and empathy aside, no friendship will survive without respect.
In saying this, I am trying to advise you towards being respectful to your friends, even if you are angry.
When To Apologize To Your Friend After A Fight
If you have been disrespectful, at the very least, apologize for the way in which you conducted yourself and take ownership of the disrespect.
Your ego may attempt to persuade you against extending an olive branch, but do not let it blind you to the role you may have played in being disrespectful.
There is absolutely no shame in accountability. In fact, it is a prized behavior that shows and earns respect with others and ourselves.
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I’ve noticed that the party that tends to ignore and stay away is the one that has an issue with their ego and pride.
The ones who have a healthy self-esteem and don’t feel diminished by admitting wrongdoing or extending themselves usually reach out and apologize.
Black and white thinking isn’t always helpful during reconciliation.
It’s tempting to focus on who is right and who is wrong, but if it boils down to semantics and the reason for fighting is unimportant, it’s best to focus on reconciling.
When two friends have a meeting of the minds with the intention to understand each other and make up, only stubbornness, pride, and pettiness stands in the way of them reconciling.
Have an honest conversation with yourself and find out exactly what you ought to take accountability for in this fight.
- Were you the instigator?
- Did you do something to upset your friend first?
- Were you insulting, abusive, or disrespectful?
If so, then it may be a good idea to reach out to your friend after a fight and take ownership of your role.
Be apologetic in so far as it is appropriate.
Now, what I am about to say might come across as contradictory, but you should not be the one to chase after a friend who isn’t willing to meet you halfway.
It is important that we do not allow the threat of silence to detract from the importance of being respected and cared for.
Sometimes, you will have a fight with a friend who is treating you poorly. They may have been insulting, manipulative, and rude. Instead of apologizing, they will try to stonewall you into submission.
To this friend, it is a matter of power rather than being fair, just, and empathetic.
You should not compromise your self worth and boundaries for someone who weaponizes silence against you to avoid being respectful and mature.
You need to read this article: How to get a friend back after hurting them?
Give Your Friend Some Space To Calm Down
Understandably, when panic sets in, it’s normal to experience a strong desire to reconcile immediately.
You may reach out to your friend only to be met with silence or the cold shoulder.
If you were wrong, express your remorse, apologize sincerely, and explain your intentions to make things right.
If you both were wrong, do the same but only insofar as your actions are involved.
If you were not wrong, then reach out, but only extend a hand to talk. They should be the ones apologizing if they are honest and caring.
Avoid being confrontational.
Just check in with your friend.
Give them an opportunity to apologize and explain themselves.
I’m certain that an honest, mature, and empathetic friend will not shy away from apologizing for their wrongdoing.
But, until they’re ready, it’s best to give them some space to cool down.
Just because you’re ready to make up doesn’t mean that they are.
The mistake most people make is insisting on talking things out when their friend is still angry or fired up.
This will only lead to another fight or argument.
I know of some people who need to rehash every detail of an argument when attempting to make up.
Rather than diffusing the situation, they add fuel to the fire and trigger those feelings of defensiveness in their friend.
If they feel attacked, their defenses will go up and they may stop talking to you again or go on the offensive.
Neither scenario is to your benefit.
So, just take things one day at a time and don’t make the mistake of forcing things to be better too soon.
I’m sure that they will come back after a fight once their feelings of anger or resentment pass.
You need to read this article: My best friend blocked me after a fight. What should I do?
When Friends Don’t Come Back After A Fight
It pains me to say this, but in some instances, a friendship will end after a fight and your friend will not come back.
If too much transpired between the two of you and the feelings of betrayal, anger, resentment, or hurt were too great, the road back to each other may be covered with flames that are too high to extinguish.
There have been some friendships that I have had to let go of.
Not because I wanted to but because they were unwilling to reconcile or I felt too much pain and mistrust to be a loving and trusting friend with them ever again.
In these situations, the only thing you can do is make peace with them, try to apologize, be respectful, and let things go.
It will be uncomfortable at first and you’ll miss them but you can’t force a broken glass back together.
Let it be and let them go graciously, respectfully, and lovingly.
At best, leave the door open for them to reach out to you if they ever want to.
You need to read this article: Should you unfriend someone who ghosted you?
Final Thoughts
For simple fights and misunderstandings, don’t stress too much, your friend will come back once they cool down and the two of you have a loving and honest conversation.
When two people meet with the intention of finding common ground, they’ll carve a path back to each other even if it means navigating themselves through rough and stressful terrain.
Be gracious and be respectful while setting your ego aside.
Whatever you do thereafter will give you no reason to have any regrets.
With that being said, that brings us to the end of this article on do friends come back after a fight. Be sure to let me know your thoughts in the comment section below. I’d love to hear about how you approach conflict resolution.