Falling in love and being in a relationship can be intoxicating and exciting and our natural inclination is to assume that this bond will last a lifetime. Unfortunately, that’s not always true, especially if you’re with someone who identifies as an anxious-avoidant. They may suddenly end the relationship to seek out comfort in singleness. This begs the question, do avoidants regret breaking up?
Initially, avoidants do not regret breaking up because they are comforted by their desire to seek out solitude and distance from the relationship. However, avoidants will eventually begin to regret breaking up when loneliness, silence and solitude become their default cause of discomfort.
That’s the issue with people who suffer from an avoidant attachment style.
As much as they are averse or afraid of attachments, they are more avoidant of discomfort than anything else.
So, what seems like comfort to an avoidant who is about to end a relationship is actually a trap that leads back into discontent and dissatisfaction in life.
Once the novelty of being single and out of a relationship wears off, their avoidant style will kick into gear and heighten their dissatisfaction.
Couple this with the feelings of separation anxiety, nostalgia, sentimentality and change, it’s only natural for an avoidant to experience doubt and uncertainty about breaking up.
Irrespective of who ended the relationship and why both parties will experience moments of regret and doubt.
The pain of a breakup is unavoidable, even if the relationship was riddled with issues and problems.
What we can assume is that avoidants do regret breaking up as they navigate through the stages of moving on after a breakup.
Related post: Why your avoidant ex wants to be friends
How Long Does It Take For An Avoidant To Regret Breaking Up?
The answer to these questions is dependent on the nature of your relationship, time spent together, experiences shared and their overall investment into the relationship while it lasted as well as the reason for splitting up.
If you were a wonderful partner and didn’t partake in any behavior that severed the bond or destroyed trust, there’s a strong chance an avoidant will regret breaking up as soon as the novelty and comfort of being newly single wear off.
This can take anywhere from a couple of weeks to about 3 months.
If you implement no contact soon after the breakup, the likelihood of this time being shortened is more than possible.
Sometimes, it’s not time that makes people regret breaking up but experiences and situations that occur afterward.
Facing rejection, being lonely, getting screwed up, experiencing romantic disappointment and other losses can all trigger feelings of regret for breaking up.
The mind tends to go back to the last time you were really happy and if that coincides with being in the relationship at some point, then that is what your ex will latch onto.
At that point, your avoidant ex will regret breaking up and will try to come back.
This could even happen years later when you’ve moved on or just assumed that they have forgotten about you.
Related post: Do girls regret losing a good guy?
How To Get An Avoidant Ex Back
Don’t chase your avoidant ex
“Love in such a way that the other person feels free.”
This is perhaps the most applicable quote to any article about an avoidant ex. The more you try to get them to commit, the faster they will run away from you.
But, if you avoid chasing then there’s really nothing for them to avoid.
Think about that for a second.
When has chasing an ex ever worked?
The only time I can think of is when you messed up legitimately and you were unattentive to your ex.
Flipping things around and showing them consistency could work to get them back but that’s really just the exception to the rule.
Just don’t chase your avoidant ex.
This means that you can’t be texting, calling or showing up to talk to them.
Trust me, I understand how you feel right now and I know that you want to communicate or get some closure.
If you need to have a conversation to say goodbye and get some answers then do so. Thereafter, just stop.
There’s no need for winning them back because that’s going to trigger their avoidant attachment style even more.
Use no contact
To you, it may seem counterintuitive to use no contact as a means of getting your ex back but it’s the most effective technique available.
People misunderstand the purpose of no contact and try to use it as a tool for manipulation.
That’s a recipe for disaster.
No contact is primarily used for asserting self-respect and giving yourself the space to move on.
At the same time, it gives your ex space to think about you, consider your value in their life and experience life without you.
This will either encourage them to come back to you or it will encourage the two of you to move on.
Either way, it’s the best way for you to heal after a breakup and to avoid souring all attraction and respect for each other during those early weeks of splitting up.
If the two of you choose to be friends and want to let go of the relationship altogether, then no contact can end.
Otherwise, it’s best to focus on healing and moving on while avoiding toxic behavior that causes too much damage between the two of you.
Related post: What is the indefinite no contact rule?
Leave the door open for them to come back
Lastly, you can opt to give your avoidant ex an opportunity to come back before initiating no contact.
It’s not weak or desperate to do so.
If anything, it makes the path back a little more tempting and encouraging for your ex.
Remember, you’re choosing to walk away and go no contact with your ex. That requires a lot of strength and willpower.
Not only will you respect yourself for choosing to do what aligns with your views and desires but your ex will respect you for honoring yourself as well.
Knowing that you’re not bitter, hateful or resentful will help an avoidant ex reconsider their decision and to come back knowing that there isn’t any toxic drama to avoid.
Keep in mind, that this doesn’t mean that you ought to or should wait on your avoidant ex to come back.
Do not ever vocalize this to your ex.
Instead, use this time to focus on yourself and heal.
Related post: How to re-attract an avoidant ex
Signs An Avoidant Ex Regrets Breaking Up
1. They come back
It doesn’t get any clearer than this.
An avoidant who comes back to ask for another chance obviously regrets breaking up.
Even if they aren’t willing to say so and mask their decision as rational, you can bet that they regret breaking up and really want a chance at getting back together.
If they didn’t regret it, they wouldn’t be back.
It’s as simple as that.
2. They seem depressed
An avoidant ex may have assumed that splitting from you would make them happy and free but this may not be the case.
If anything, life may seem more devoid of joy and comfort by not having you around anymore.
This may result in depressing posts on social media, a lack of enthusiasm, cryptic sad posts and so forth.
3. They won’t stop texting or calling you
Sometimes, an avoidant ex may not want to get back together but they can’t let go of you.
It may appear to be confusing to you but in reality, they’re actually fighting an inner war.
On one hand, their avoidant attachment style is convincing them that a commitment is too much pressure and is too scary.
On the other hand, their feelings are that of regret and anxiety from being out of the relationship.
Thus, they cannot stay away from you and their behavior seems eccentric.
4. They haven’t been able to move on
If it has been months or even years since your avoidant ex has moved on, it’s probably because they regret breaking up while also struggling to deal with their anxiety.
Not everyone addresses their past traumas and internal conflict.
It could just be the case that your avoidant ex is trapped in the past without actually having the tools to deal with their avoidant style enough to come back to you or move on.
So, they do nothing and remain in this limbo for a long time.
Regret is a natural part of life and is closely linked to reflection and nostalgia. We all partake in this and when you throw depression or sadness into the mix, regret becomes inevitable.
I’m sure that you don’t really take comfort in knowing that your ex is suffering from regret but at the same time, feel validated in knowing that they cared about you enough to feel regret.
Trust me, you’re worth enough for someone to experience some degree of regret for leaving.
But, you know what? You’re worth it regardless of what they feel.
With that being said, I hope you found this article on do avoidants regret breaking up to be thought-provoking and eye-opening. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please do so by visiting the comment section below.