For some, being a shy guy is a curse. Trust me, I know the feeling. There was a time in my life when the sight of a beautiful girl unleashed a storm of butterflies in my stomach, and I was in desperate need of a resource of dating tips for shy guys. This is why I decided to write this article on 10 dating tips for shy guys.
When I’d see a cute girl, my heart would race like it was on some heavy steroids, and when it came to speaking, I’d choke up. You can relate, right? It sucks.
But it’s not all doom and gloom. In fact, later in life, I learned that being a shy guy can actually work to our advantage, and I’ve put together a list of dating tips for shy guys that actually work.
First and foremost, my most important dating tip for shy guys is to own it! Trying to impersonate someone else will blow up in your face. The moment you try to be anyone other than your best self, it’s game over.
And at the crux of attraction is authenticity. Women are attracted to men who know themselves and are willing to own up to their flaws and imperfections.
Before I get ahead of myself, let me know if I’m on the right track here. As a shy guy, you want to figure out ways to talk, attract, and date girls. You want to get over rejection and attract the girl of your dreams. You want to have a long and fulfilled relationship. Right?
And in doing all these things, you want to avoid embarrassing yourself.
That’s perfect because, by the end of this article, I can guarantee that you’ll have some practical techniques to work with. These dating tips are based on my own experience and the people I’ve personally coached and helped to get a partner and deal with their shyness.
The Best Dating Tips For Shy Guys
1. Have A Simple Style For Approaching Women
Before walking up to someone you find attractive, the thought of what to say is scary, especially for a shy guy.
More than that, thoughts of what could possibly go right or wrong can cause paralysis by analysis.
I like to keep it short and simple. Know exactly what you want to get out of the interaction and tailor your dialogue to that express purpose.
If you require a less-intrusive or obvious method of approaching a girl and starting a conversation, then just make a remark or ask a question about something occurring within the space you’re both in.
For example, if you’re on campus, stopping a girl and asking for directions is the easiest way to start a dialogue. You can easily strike up a conversation about what she’s studying, how long she’s been attending this campus, where she’s originally from, and so on.
By the end of the interaction, simply ask for her number to keep in touch and hang out sometime.
As I said, you don’t need a fancy pickup line or to be the suavest guy to get a girl’s number. You just need to be purposeful.
2. State Your Intentions Early On
From my experience, I’ve come to accept one fundamental rule when getting a girl’s number or asking her out on a date. The longer you take to state your intention, the greater your chances are of screwing it up.
Being direct and stating your intentions puts you in a position to get a sense of where the interaction is heading really quickly.
She’ll either be receptive and help you out; she may seem hesitant, which may require just a bit of persuasion; or she may not be interested at all.
If a woman knows you’re interested in getting her number and she finds you attractive, she’ll actually make it easy on you. Alternately, she may throw a curveball at you to see how you react.
The best kind of reaction is indifference. If you get her number, fantastic. If you don’t, no sweat; on to the next. Don’t say that to her, but you get the idea.
This will save you time and help build confidence.
3. Don’t Put Women On A Pedestal
Part of the problem is that many guys who haven’t put themselves out there look up to an attractive woman as if she’s a goddess.
She’s not! She could be the woman of your dreams, but if she exists in this reality, then she’s flawed in some way or another.
And that’s a wonderful thing.
Look at women, especially the ones you find attractive, as if they’re any other girl.
Doing so will alleviate some of the nerves you have.
You know what’s ironic? One of the main reasons a woman loses attraction for a man is because he places her on a pedestal.
Leave that stuff for the guys in every Instagram comment section.
4. Be a passionate individual
Part of life deals with luck. And you become lucky by working harder and putting your desires into the world.
Some of the best women I’ve shared a strong bond and long-term relationship with were the women who sought me out or were receptive to me after witnessing the passion I have for my purpose and goals in life.
It’s not just about money. Put aside gold diggers for a second and ask yourself why a woman might find a successful man attractive.
A successful man is often someone who possesses the characteristics of a strong winner. He is someone who has dedication, commitment, discipline, and a thirst for growth.
These attributes are often irresistible, be it in men or women!
Find things that resonate with you, dedicate yourself to them, and put them out into the world.
You’ll attract women who will surprisingly share a common love for those very same things. Trust me when I tell you, developing a connection with someone in that situation is a beautiful and simple experience.
5. Focus On Her
During my studies of law, I would be paired up with many individuals of different backgrounds, ethnicities, religions, and social statuses.
The one common thing I noticed amongst all these people, especially those who ended up really liking me, is that they felt good when attention and interest were placed on them.
It’s just how most humans are wired.
Even when I was a shy teen, I would often be daydreaming of scenarios when the attention was on me and the girl I crushed on was enamored by me.
In these daydreams, the focus was on me. So, if we as shy guys actually enjoy the attention of the people we desire, what makes you think they wouldn’t like it either?
If you’re trying to build attraction and develop a connection with someone, give them the time of day by asking them questions, being actively involved in the conversation by offering some insight or reactions and just be present.
A woman can easily sense when a man isn’t paying attention to her.
In fact, even in a relationship, you may notice that when her level of attraction for you is falling, the following words are not far behind – “you’re not listening to me.”
Pay attention, gentlemen.
6. Focus On Women Who Are Interested In You
It’s a lot easier to deal with shyness and anxiety when you can almost predict the outcome of something.
There are some telltale signs of a woman’s attraction and interest in you.
- She may be playing with her hair
- Touching you without any reason
- Standing up close to you
- Asking you questions and showing an actual interest
- Offering open-ended replies
- Keeping her eyes locked on you
- Laughing at jokes that aren’t funny and
- Going out of her way to make time for you
If you take my advice seriously and actually pay attention to her, you’ll notice some of these signs.
And once you notice them, you instantly have verification that what you’re doing is working or at the very least, she is attracted to you.
7. Vocalize Your Shyness
So, here’s the deal. You’ve probably read plenty of articles or watched videos explaining the importance of being confident.
It’s true. Confidence is important and it’s sexy. But, don’t confuse confidence for being extroverted or suave.
I’ve seen many shy guys who are reserved and introverted land dynamite girls.
They’re not loud, not the smoothest operator in town, not brash, rude or extremely funny.
If anything, they’re none of the above.
What they are is honest and authentic. They know exactly who they are and will not compromise that just to inauthentically get a woman’s number or interest.
Try this. Go up to a woman and say something along the lines of this – Hi, how you doin? I don’t normally do this because I’m shy but I saw you from across the room and thought you look really attractive. I just had to come by and find out what’s your name.
I promise you, this honest approach works. It shows a woman that despite being shy, you mustered up the courage to come up to her, talk to her, state your intention and be honest.
She’ll love it and you’ll have a much better chance of getting a woman with this approach than by trying to fake a bigger personality.
8. Make An Effort To Look Your Best
I used to have this misconception that I needed to look like Brad Pitt to attract the girl of my dreams.
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
I kept telling myself that I’ll start hitting on girls when I get abs or when I get bigger biceps.
Little did I know that these things are just supplementary in nature.
They’re not going to land you a girl, at least, not one that you really want. What women want to see is a man who takes care of himself.
If he can make an effort to look good, it shows her that you are willing to do what is necessary to not just take care of yourself but of her.
It shows that you are not lazy and that you hold yourself to a certain standard.
Get a nice haircut, update your wardrobe, make sure your clothes fit you properly, tame the beard or shape it, manscape if you must, improve your overall hygiene, smell good and exercise.
Don’t ignore simple dating tips. It could make the biggest impact when everything comes together in perfect harmony.
9. Be Less Available
This may sound counterintuitive and your entire being may be screaming at you to give every second of your day to this girl you like but don’t do it.
Life is about balance.
Think about this for a second: Do something you really enjoy too much and too frequently and it loses the appeal it had on you.
You may still like it, but the strong desire begins to fade, especially if it’s easily available.
Now imagine you chasing after a girl like a lovesick puppy. It just isn’t attractive. She’ll get fed up with you and take your attention for granted.
Women develop feelings for you when they aren’t talking to you. It’s true. It’s in those moments when you are busy that a woman starts to think about you, miss you and develop feelings for you.
And when she does, she’ll reach out to you. That’s when you make time for her by arranging a date with her.
When it comes to being exciting, women like spontaneity.
For some reason, there’s this assumption that being spontaneous means you constantly have to do things in the heat of the moment.
From what I’ve experienced, being spontaneous is about stepping out of your comfort zone, planned or unplanned.
Doing things almost unpredictably. It means shaking up the relationship in a healthy way.
Don’t just go on a movie date every Thursday night! That will create monotony and hamper the growth of attraction.
Try a new place to eat, book a gondola ride, cook together, surprise her with a breakfast date, plan a trip, and so on.
Be sure to at least make an effort to be exciting. What’s the worst that could happen so that you might have fun?
Check out this list of 200 dating ideas that are fun and exciting.
10. Walk Away If She’s Not Interested
Let me tell you something, choosing to remain friends with a girl you’re attracted to and want to be with is nothing more than self-torture, especially if that’s not what you want.
You are much better off walking away or dating someone else.
At the end of the day, women tend to decide the status of a relationship but you get to navigate where you want it to go by acting in a way that reflects your true intentions and purpose.
If a woman you like puts you into the friendzone, you have the right to navigate yourself out of that friendship.
It sucks. I know! Especially if you once started off as being just friends. Such is life.
I hate to see someone waste years of their life on someone who just isn’t interested in them romantically. You deserve someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.
Adopt that mentality and you won’t find yourself being taken for a ride.
And yet, it kind of comes down to a science, just not one that is beyond comprehension.
Listen, no matter how shy or scared you may feel, you’re still an awesome person who has limitless potential.
Don’t just allow yourself to resign into a bubble or stay stuck within your comfort zone out of fear for rejection.
Everyone faces rejection, every single person! No exceptions! But every rejection you face gets you closer to the woman of your dreams.
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